Challenging Mom

It’s so much easier to challenge others than oneself.  Last night I asked Mom what she had learned that day and she said “nothing” so I told her she had to learn something new today.  When I got home I got more than I bargained for as she stood waiting on the steps in great agitation.  She began by asking me to look at her neck.  Naturally I did so but with growing trepidation as I am not the fearless Nurse Annie type.  Her neck did look a little red but I was distracted by her telling me the story of her day.  First she went to the pharmacist and showed her neck and then she came home and then she went back to the doctor’s who proceeded to tell her not to take any more of her pills.   This set up a whole new wave of alarm for me since she has a whole pharmacy of pills that she takes religiously every morning.  Was I going to have a walking zombie in the house in a couple of days?  Then she tells me, in amongst the continuing story of not taking the pills, that the doctor says allergies can spring from anywhere at any time of life.  This I already knew but I was still harking back to the “no pills” part of the story.  She was thinking of not taking her sleeping pills?  I’ve lived with her not getting a good nights sleep and I am seriously worried.  Somehow I feel it’s essential for her to have a good night’s sleep in order for me to have a good night’s sleep.

       By the time I had everything sorted out I was able to look at her neck and yes, see that it was covered with a rash.  So I asked her the same questions that my sister, my brother, the pharmacist and the doctor asked her.  No, she hadn’t eaten anything different, she hadn’t used anything different, nothing was different.  Then where the heck did hte rash come from?  Both of us are now looking suspiciously at the flies swarming around us, fruit flies as we thought.  They’ve been around the house for a few weeks now.

       But are they fruit flies?????

       Oh, and as I finished my supper Mom said in triumph “You said I had to do three new things today well I’ve done a lot more than that what with going back and forth to town and then washing every stitch of clothing in my room.”  I couldn’t help but laugh.

Natural Thoughts

Learning something new every day isn’t very difficult simply by observing the natural world and with the aid of the internet education is almost limitless.  Interestingly enough I decided to question infinity as it relates to the universe and I learned that to date the universe appears to have a flat topography which means it would indeed be infinite (rather than having a curvature which means it would move in on itself).  I love the idea of infinity since I find the concept challenging to one’s mindset.  In essence humans have built boundaries everywhere including our mindset.  To be challenged with the idea of infinity is to meet resistance at some point in the “discussion” but I find it a perfect exercise to keep one’s mind active and questioning.

       Coming back to earth and thinking about learning something new every day suddenly becomes a much simpler task.  There is always the news but simply having facts of the day shot at one is not true learning, one must then take the information and ruminate on it to discover what lay behind the story.  For instance, if there was a drive by shooting in the city one could question what lay behind the shooting (besides the obvious money and drugs) and ponder the nature of society’s failure to prevent poverty and crime.  Sounds ponderous?  How about wondering if a cloud collects water from the cloud above which is spouting out rain drops?  How about what shortcut keys will create the symbol ∞ (supposedly Alt 0236 but I cannot get it to work for me).  Are there robins in South America?

       So what’s on your mind and what are you doing about it?

Brisk Winter Walk

Walking in the brisk winter air is very energizing although it takes as much energy to push oneself off the couch as it does to take the exercise.  This morning there was wonderful hoar frost on the trees, bushes and grasses making for glorious pictures. As we walked Mom and I discussed the nature of creativity and what a pity there weren’t more opportunities for creative people to make a living out of their art.  On second thought, is it necessary to gain filthy lucre from art? 

       It’s fun to capture moments in nature that won’t be created again in that exact same way but sometimes it’s as much fun to simply watch the changing colours of a sunrise or sunset.  When taking pictures I find myself stopping in the middle of a session so that I can remind myself to see with my real eyes and not through the lens what is playing out on that gigantic canvas called the universe.  I took lots of pictures of Niagara Falls this fall but I also took lots of time to be still and just watching the rushing roaring water spill over the edge creating full on rainbows of colour.  Walking with Mom today we stopped and stared up under the trees so we could see the nests upside down causing a rush of pheasants to fling up into the sky.  We made the long walk to the graveyard and took pictures of those resting in peace grave markers. 

       Tramping back we faced the wind which had picked up and was nipping away at our cheeks.  At one point Mom said that my cheeks were very red and then she said philosophically “at least they aren’t purple” which made me laugh and warmed us both up.  We stamped our boots off as we entered the house and I headed for the office while Mom headed to her room “to stretch out”.  Perfect morning walk.

On a different note . . .

I have been so docile and mellow but it’s time to put in my two cents on the latest American election.  You know why Americans are disliked around the world?  Because they are nasty bullies who instead of winning fairly and honestly will kick folks when they are down, will sucker punch, and will just plain lie.

       What am I talking about?  Watching an American channel as we get to the end of the race we find that the commercials have become more and more loaded with political statements.  However I find them an interesting commentary on the way America conducts business.  Rather than speaking eloquently about the candidate paying for the ad and what edifying, humanitarian and right things this candidate will do for you the ad is busy bashing the other guy.  At the end of the ad we don’t know who paid for that commercial nor do we know what (if we were American) we are actually supposed to vote for, only we aren’t supposed to vote for this Joe Blow they just bashed to smithereens.  Last night one commercial break I counted 7 ads on politics, no commercials on baloney or deodorant although I would have welcomed a loud beer commercial by the third commercial. 

       Mud slinging?  Confusing?  Degrading?  True, Canadian politics are not pure by any means, what with robo-calls and all, but so far I’ve been able to tell who is actually paying for a commercial.

       The debates, ah, the debates.  All I can say is if anyone thinks Mitt Romney is an honest man they have wax in their ears.

Friday's Child

Have you been working on your gratitude journal, seeking out things you can be grateful for on a daily basis?  Have you noticed a difference in your mental attitude as you head out the door for your job?  Have you had time to spend on yourself, even if it’s simply taking a lunch time walk around the block and feeling grateful for Canada’s clean air and safe environment?  I hope you’ve had some positive experiences this week and that you will continue to keep up the good work.

       Let’s share some of my moments this week . . .

Monday I went slip sliding my way in to work due to a minor snow storm Sunday night and I had my first experience with being set off the train and waiting for 12 minutes for the next one (due to mechanical difficulties).

Tuesday I had a snow day at home because of more snow that ended in a plugged driveway.  Mom and I enjoyed the day, she making homemade soup while I battled with a failing internet connection (“working from home”).

Wednesday the day was hectic at work, I had continued with my gratitude journal and enjoyed my drive in to work by asking my muse “should I call it day”?  going home I experienced a second train incident; who knew that when a C-train runs a red light the mechanical contraption causes it to come to a full halt and then an investigation ensures?  Yep, 15 minute hold up while the train ahead of ours was investigated for being naughty.

Thursday I wrote in my journal that I appreciated the gift of Sarah Ban Breathnach and Oprah Winfrey, guiding me into my path of gratitude.  I also watched a classmates U-tube on the passion of sketching and again asked “am I doing what I really am born to do”?  Third incident of the week, inebriated aboriginals on the train being raucous and obscene.  People studiously averted their gazes and sighed in relief when they offboarded at the Stampede grounds.

Friday, ah, Friday only begins now but hey, LottoMax is 50 Million Dollars and our pool is definitely riding the Positive Wave.  Oh yes, I am filled with gratitude, bliss, humour, contentment and just plain good old Friday Fever.

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

A Room of One's Own

Virginia Woolf published her essay in 1929 and while the main point of her work was discussing the need for writers to have space (and money) of their own in order to excel at their work to the same degree as a man the whole concept of women having a place of their own was almost radical. 

       When a realtor shows a couple a home, they automatically assume that the woman’s room is the kitchen.  Have you noticed that?  Today we hear the term “man cave” but is there a lady’s boudoir designed in new homes?  There’s a “bonus room” out in a hallway, usually near what would be the children’s rooms.   My girlfriends tell me they used to have to lock themselves in the bathroom to get away from the trailing demands of their little children. Even then, the child would put their head to the floor crack and cry out “Mom what are you doing?”  I chuckled when they told me stories like that but at the same time I marvelled that there was no place for them to go in the house to simply be alone for five minutes.

       Some 80 years after Virginia wrote her essay we are still searching out space for ourselves, both literally and figuratively speaking.  What is your solution?  Is there space at work over a lunch hour where you can have some peace and quiet?  The space doesn’t need to be in the home if that is out of the question.  Is the community library an option?  Is taking a walk in the park and finding a bench to sit for some time appealing?  In fact, a person does not necessarily need to sit to be tranquil, simply walking in the open air can give one time to think or be still in mind and spirit.

       Be creative.  Think outside the room.

Tread Carefully

Have you been keeping your gratitude journal?  It’s been 4 days since I made my suggestion?  There’s no excuse because you can get a journal for a mere dollar at the local Dollar Store.  Shy or afraid because someone may read it?  Shame on them for intruding on your private moment.  But I remind you, gently, this is not an option to your path to tranquility.

       For those who know me you may be smiling because I am not always a tranquil person.  Indeed, I’ve been known to be slightly (?) volatile.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  A person ought to have passions in life, things that they feel strongly about and are not afraid to expound on, be it politics, sports, life in general, whatever sets you going.  Having passions does not mean that one cannot also be tranquil or pursue a peace of mind.

       Remember that the starting point of this week of thought (yes, I plan on doing this all week long) is to find a proper pace in one’s life so that we can have time to do the small things that help balance out your week.  Five minutes here and five minutes there will gently add up to moments of simple accomplishment.  Look, I was able to prepare my week’s menu for Mom.  I’ve been able to write my blog consistently.  I’ve taken on my exercise regime because the other items have been ticked off my to-do list.  Slow and steady, we will win our tiny little “race” of not racing.

       Is that an oxymoron?

Alone or Lonely?

As I’ve lived alone for more than 25 years I can tell you the difference between being alone and being lonely.  Being alone is simply that, being in a place without others.  But being alone can be pleasant, whether one is simply sitting and thinking; working on a hobby, watching television, doing whatever, alone.  Being lonely is when a person feels isolated and that can happen when one is alone or when one is in a crowd.  Not a big surprise?

       You would be surprised at how many people actually feel lonely without recognizing the feeling of loneliness.  Sometimes these people will work desperately at keeping busy to avoid that feeling of loneliness and yet, as remorseless as time, it will be there because the person is not addressing that feeling.  I do not pretend to be a psychiatrist or psychologist but as I’ve written over the last couple of days, we all need to slow down and take a measurement of ourselves on a regular basis.  No one can feel completely healthy in mind, body or spirit without taking a figurative pulse of one’s mental state.

       I will notice my mother, who just turned 79, sitting quietly alone in the living room, sometimes in the dark.  I will come in to the room, flick on the light and ask her “what are you doing?” and she turns to me and says simply “just thinking”. Then I mentally kick myself as I realize that she is not lonely, she is simply meditating in her own way.  Then I break her spell and ask her to tell me what she was thinking and she looks delighted and prepares to expound on her latest revelation.

       My bad?  I cannot tell.

Meditation

Yesterday I spoke about meditation and today I want to give a little lecture on the value of meditating.  As chance will have it, the latest O magazine has Oprah discussing in her “What I know for sure” column that skipping her Gratitude journal has left her unbalanced and ragged.  I’ve noticed this phenomenon myself.  When I write something in my gratitude journal I feel much more mellow as I start my day than when I neglect this part of my daily routine.  Sarah Ban Breathnach has said “it is NOT an option” with regard to keeping the gratitude journal.  She found that of all the things she learned in her pursuit of Simplicity this was the one ingredient that could not be avoided.

       So step one in any meditation program; keep a gratitude journal DAILY.  This will put you in a mellow, gentle frame of mind.  You are now prepared for the next step; if possible start with a yoga practice but if this is not possible, then go to the meditation process.  I prefer to do the yoga because it makes me mindful of my body and leads me gently into the breathing for meditation.

       Do I hear alarm bells going at the thought of deep breathing and sounding “oum oum oum”?    Have no fear as this is not a requirement of meditation as I experience it.  At the end of my yoga practice I will sit cross legged, holding out my arms and folding in my fingers and I simply take my breaths and silently breath out “blessings”.  It does sound strange and when I first read about it I thought “I can’t do that” but I was willing to try.  I was completely amazed at how tranquil I felt afterwards.  It’s not mandatory, but be a dare devil and give it a shot!

       Next, find a place in the house where you can be alone for 15 minutes (minimum) and here you can simply sit and think.  About whatever you like.  Imagine, 15 minutes of Me Time.

       Does the idea of being alone with yourself scare you?

Daily Life

A few weeks ago I wrote a week long menu list for my mother to follow for the week.  She loved it since it allowed her to simply do the task without having to think and be creative.  I was surprised at how much she liked it and wanted me to do it each week. Then I had to start thinking up a menu to last 7 days.  It was a challenge.  Can you imagine the life of stay at home mother’s from the 1950’s?  They had to come up with a menu 356 days a year, year in and year out, for some 18, 20 or 25 years, or until they died!

       Today when a mother hasn’t planned ahead she simply goes for a bucket of KFC or a pizza from a fast food chain.  Life is simpler and yet it is also more dangerous first from the point of view of high cholesterol.  But also, think about this, if there isn’t time for the parents to plan even essential activities then one should take pause and assess why this is so?  From my own recent weeks I can tell you that I have over committed myself every weekend and it doesn’t take me long to burn out.  Two months of go-go-go and I feel unbalanced.  Most people are on the go for years before they even think that there might be something wrong with their pace of living.

       It’s nice to be busy and it’s pleasant to be wanted and have your time spent with friends and activities you enjoy.  Yet every advice specialist will tell you that you should carve out time every week (and preferably every day) for “you time”.  Time to meditate on the day, your psyche, and plans for the morrow.

What's a Debate

Endured through most of the second Presidential debate although I have difficulty calling it a debate.  It was more like positioned public speaking with lies thrown in here and there for good measure.  There were no direct answers to the questions posed and decorum on the part of Romney was seriously lacking.

       When I was in school our debates took the form of first speaking our position and then taking questions from the floor, based on the position.  Generally speaking, we were supposed to be up to speed on the position we were taking so we could answer any questions thrown at us.  We were in grade 11 and 16 years old.  Last night we were watching seasoned politicians over the age of 50 acting like high school punks in the school yard.  President Obama behaved better but both sides were sidestepping true answers and in Romney’s case there was so much blatant lying that it was impossible to sit through more.  Granted most of America doesn’t know the facts so it’s easy for them to be fooled but the sad fact that they are being fooled by unethical men who purport to having their interests at heart is reprehensible.

       I’d like to see the third debate panelled by knowledgeable political analysts who can keep the players more honest with real facts.  But as that won’t happen I hope they slate the debate next to Dancing with the Stars so I can plan to skip it and be entertained by transparent fantasy in the guise of Kirstie Alley doing the Charleston. 

Girl Power

On the C-train there are posters which talk about empowering girls because 10.11.2012 was the International Day of the Girl.  Except for me reading the “Because I am a Girl” posters I have heard nothing about this day.  There was nothing on my radio station which boasts round the clock news, there was nothing on our TV station on that day.  If there was it went by so fast that I missed it.  No one of my acquaintance talked about it.  Why?

       Girls were in the news though.  On October 9^th Malala Yousafzai, the 15 year old Pakistani activist, was shot in the head by an assassin.  On October 10^th 15 year old Amanda Todd committed suicide after years of bullying.  Just not the kind of news anyone would want to happen.

       I was born in the 1950’s and was blessed with a very liberal pair of parents.  My father in particular raised me to believe that I was capable of anything and he taught me to view the world without the limitation of gender differences.  When I was only 17 he used me as an example to break down the barriers at the government agency that hired the federal meat inspectors.  I spent my Easter break in my senior year of high school working on the kill floor at Burns Foods in Winnipeg.  Then I wrote the examination to enter the lists as a federal meat inspector, got the interview and became the first woman in Canada to go on the list.  Just to prove a point.

       When I was 9 my father asked me what I wanted to be.  I said a nurse.  He said I was smart enough to become a doctor and I went through the rest of my public education with that goal in mind.  It never occurred to me that become a doctor or a lawyer was breaking through genders because I was raised not to think in those terms.  I had no idea that I was being raised in such a liberal environment until I started hearing from my friends that my parents were “very young” and “very radical”.  Really, my parents?

       Four decades later I realize that while there have been great strides made in the Western World regarding women and their opportunities the rest of the world is not keeping pace.  Even within our own country there are areas where women still haven’t reached parity with men.  The biggest gripe is still fundamental; wages in almost every sector still show a disparity between male and female employees.

       So we still have work to do to continue empowering girls and women everywhere.  So let’s make the second year of International Girl Day a little more widely known.  Mark your calendars!

Contentment

I’ve been pondering the idea of contentment which seems to be a very elusive state of being.  When one observes the grasping greed of people in the public (and not so public) eye it would appear that there is never enough of anything for some people.  Closer to home I think about what it takes to make me happy and one factor is in the forefront.  Security.  Once a person can feel secure then other things seem to fall more easily in to place. 

       So what is security?  Obviously financial security is a big part of it and again, the measurement is different for everyone.  But if a mortgage is paid for and there is a little bit of savings (just a little) then I feel secure enough not to fear being fired from my job.  There is another kind of security, though, and that is knowing that we live in a country that is essentially safe from global hostility, from famine and a narrowness of mind that is not that far from our borders.  So far our country functions in a “normal” way but I do sometimes wonder what is in store for us.

       Our collective moral compass does not seem to have a true north and it seems to me that we have swung from extreme to extreme when it comes to governing those morals, principles and the sense of what is right and wrong.  For instance, we were discussing infidelity amongst our political leaders and while I’ve often said that I don’t think being divorced should be a cause for not voting for someone I realize that if a person cannot be faithful to their partner they are missing an essential kind of self control.  Fidelity has been a fundamental linchpin in our western fabric of life with historically good reasons for making it so.  Is it relevant today?

       So contentment comes from financial security and country security but that is only the exterior part of being content.  Inner contentment is a medley of what is right in one’s life, the even flow of family life, being accepted for who you are, feeling fine with the work that you do whether it’s a piece of writing, a knitting project, or the job you do at work.  I’ve noticed that while I am generally satisfied and content with my work, if someone expresses their own dissatisfaction with work I can sometimes become sympathetically anxious on that person’s behalf.  It’s a tiny bit of “mob mentality” operating which I find myself feeling uncomfortable about.

       So I ask you, are you content?  And do you know why you are?

Does Money Equal Happiness?

Yesterday I might have left you with the idea that happiness is equal to the amount of money you earn.  But we all know money doesn’t buy happiness.  But money can buy peace of mind and having the sense of security that your house is paid for and there is a nest egg in the bank for your retirement certainly gives a person a sense of ease.  A person who needs to worry every day about making ends meet is not going have that same sense of ease, or “happiness” that a person with some security will have.

       So, yes, in a way money does buy happiness.

       Money aside however, there are other aspects in a person’s life that can make or break happiness regardless of money.  Throughout a person’s life choices need to be made, from making friends, to saying no to drugs or alcohol, to valuing virtues, to treating others well and the list goes on and on.  Some people have the misfortune to live with depression or other disorders and to that I do not pretend to have honest, true or correct answers.  But for those not suffering from these problems, they can have a choice in whether they want to look at the glass half full or half empty. 

       Is it a choice?  I’m not sure, but I believe that a person can make an effort to change their mental processes when it comes to being happy, satisfied or discontented.  I honestly believe that this is a choice when a person becomes an adult, if not before.  In this modern world we live in we are provided with a vast amount of free information that can help us to “Live Our Best Life”, to quote Oprah.

       A person doesn’t have to be a Sad Sack – at least, I hope not.

Happiness in Perspective

We were having a discussion in our house about who is ultimately responsible for the success of a child, the system or the parent?  We were rather divided on the answer so perhaps, because everyone’s point of view is both subjective and objective, it is a little of both.  But finally the responsibility of the “child”.

       Some of the thoughts came, brace yourself, from a discussion on “Real Time with Bill Mahar” where they were discussing whether or not the time for Affirmative Action was over.   Then we discussed how the cost of living was completely out of balance from 4 decades ago.  In 1974 you could rent a decent apartment for $60 a month, when minimum weekly pay was $60 a week.  In other words, rent was one quarter of your monthly income.  Today rent takes a minimum pay three quarters of one’s monthly paycheque.  What hope has anyone for getting ahead in savings with such a small leftover income?

       But alongside this economic fact is the educational fact that something like 15 to 20% of high school students drop out or receive a marginal education and more than 30% of first year university students drop out.  This seems a very high percentage to me because to get a well paying job in these times a person requires education beyond high school whether it be at university or trade college.  Rarely does one get a great job with only street smarts.  Parents need to instill educational expectations into their children at an early age and participate in the process all along the way so they won’t be discourage.  Life is tough and so is school but perseverance is a virtue that cannot be ignored.

       Finally and most importantly, carpe diem, my friends, carpe diem.  It is up to the individual to make their life happen in the way they want it to go.  So if you want to be happy, you have to put your mind to the idea of Happiness and what that looks like to you.  Seize the day, my friends, seize the day.

Speaking of the Universe

As I ramble on about my sad brain, my fears and inadequacies I reflect on an article I read the other day, discussing the idea that we have still not “seen” to the middle of our own galaxy, never mind the universe (is there a possibility of a “middle” when it is infinite?).  I like the idea of infinity and I don’t very much like the idea of the universe binding in on itself.  That concept seems to take away from infinity because how can infinity bind in on itself – that would infer something on the outside of it, wouldn’t it?

       In contrast to thinking about the vastness of space, one can look down on an ant hill and ponder the meaning of life from the tiniest life and how brief such a life is.  As many before me have said “life is strange”.  Reading about Stephen King’s rabbit hole in “11/23/63” and remembering the recurring day in “Groundhog Day” causes me to reflect on how many days are the same in my humdrum life.  Drive to C-train, get on train, read my book, get off at station, walk down sidewalk, take this light, cross over this street, pick up newspaper, up the elevator . . . day after day after day.  I find myself questioning if this is Tuesday or Wednesday?

       What does thinking about the universe, about ants and about repetition have to do with each other?  Simply that life is one big question mark and we will never have a definitive answer.  Is there a meaning to life or is everything random?  Do we have a purpose or do we create our purpose?  Does any of the questions matter? Do the answers matter?

       In short, are we happy regardless of the answer?

Stephen King, I Hate You

Something compelled me to take another look at Stephen King On Writing; in his book, if you don’t write 2,000 words a day you are not a writer.  Woe Is Me.

       The truth is that I find it incredibly difficult to sit down at the blank computer page and come up with thoughts worthy of writing down.  Certainly there are a dozen thoughts fighting for space in the blackness of my brain but something worthy to be read, not so much.  I’ve written about this anxiety before, anyone attempting to write has had these moments (if not, I hate you too).

       Another truth is that I don’t hate Stephen King, I admire him tremendously.  I admire his unique imagination and I admire is complete and utter dedication to his writing.  It is amazing.  But for me, well, I like my home and I like to eat.  I find that earning a living is still my priority, or should I say, security is still my priority.  I don’t have the leap of faith that would tell me, quit your job and dedicate yourself to writing.  Be it bad or good, this is what you should be doing with your life.

       Too much information?  I suppose it is, but as I said, I’m having some trouble coming up with ideas to write down so I am rambling a note to the universe and those who are reading this will have a little look at Angst with a capital A.

Drizzle

It’s a true New England style autumn where there are still brown and yellow leaves on trees and a warmish drizzle of rain making the world dreary but not quite depressing.  It’s unusual to experience this type of autumn in Alberta where this time of year it would be cold, blowing and probably snowing.  So despite it being rather bleak outside, inside the house we are happily baking cookies and cakes and nestling by the fireside as we watch “Johnny English Reborn”.  Just enough to put absurd on the day.

       It is interesting how weather can control one’s mood but it is even more fascinating to monitor one’s own reaction and realize that we can still be in control of the mood.  I started out thinking that I wanted to just stay in bed and read Stephen King until noon; then I pulled myself out of bed at 8:00 and began the process of writing which got me into a nicely testy mood; so then I thought I would shake myself out of that frame of mind by baking.  Things were going nicely until the Kitchen Nazi, also known as my brother, wanted to tell me how to bake my chocolate chip cookies. I’ve only been making them for 45 years so that was not going over well.  Change topics, change mood.  As the cookies came out of the oven we were all much more cheerful and as we turned to look out the back window we saw the rain had stopped and we started smiling.

       Life is always good with a chocolate chip cookie, especially from me.  J

And a Hunting We Shall Go

So the annual invasion from the city has begun.  Driving home this evening I saw first one person out in the road while his car was sitting on the other side of the road.  Not too suspicious as the house on that side was for sale.  But as I approached my own home I saw a gold van driving very slowly which was unusual.  Then when he crossed the intersection he paused in front of my house and that was definitely suspicious because it clearly is identified.  Immediately I thought Hunter.

       The problem with hunters is that many of them will trespass on private property to roust out the birds.  If there is a posting that says either No Trespassing or No Hunting, they tear them down.  I know this because it’s happened at my place.  I know they’ve been torn down because I’ve hammered them in securely myself.  I no longer invest in signs.  Instead I rely on Harold and Arnold as well as a few other tools at my disposal.  (With three brothers there is no end to the shenanigans they came up with in their younger days.  I remember them well and have come up with some strategies that help.  To reveal more would be to alert the world ahead of time.)

       Once in a while you will get a respectful hunter who approaches the house and asks permission to “beat the bushes”.  The first time that happened to my brother he had no idea what he was asking since we’d just moved out from the city ourselves.  I know there are some valid reasons for hunting but I still feel sorry for the creatures, even if they are eating my evergreen trees or apples.  They have to survive too.

       Am I a bleeding heart or just humane?

Nature Comes Calling

I got out of my car last night and as I straightened my aching bones I looked up into first one, and then I realized 2, pair of doe eyes.  Literally.  Doe and fawn were poised under the apple tree and I cursed for the millionth time because I didn’t have my camera around my neck.  We all stood frozen for nearly a minute, perhaps longer.  I said Hello, and still they stood still, just watching me.  Then very slowly the turned and walked gracefully into the back 40.

       I took a quick scan of the apple tree which was not damaged and then put my car in the garage.  I asked Mom if she’d been watching the deer and she said they had been around the house all day long, back and forth between the front yard and the apple tree in the back.  I was so glad that we hadn’t plucked the last of the apples off the tree so the deer were able to enjoy our remains.  But now we are concerned because hunting season will soon be here and despite posting signs hunters will cross into the yard, after tearing down the signs.  While I have never felt a bullet whistle past me I have been startled out of my mind by an explosion close to me, the explosion being the gun going off.  Normally guns don’t make that loud of a sound but whatever gun this hunter was using sounded like a powerful shotgun.  Something Rambo would be trouncing around with.

       We also have a large flock of pheasants roosting in our bushes this year.  They are so lovely to watch as they strut across the yard seemingly oblivious to anything but their own interests.  And soon they will be under attack also.  Poor things.

Locker Room Dreams

Have you ever dreamed that you were back in school, struggling with the lock on your locker, desperately trying to get it unlocked before anyone else got into the locker room and saw you without your skirt on?  If I’ve had the dream once I’ve had it a hundred times.  I’m walking to school and suddenly realize that under my coat I am not wearing my skirt; then I panic and run through the creek, getting soakers of course, and making it into the school.  But then I can’t remember my combination.  I try, and try, and try, and I am sweating and shivering at the same time as I hear footsteps coming.  Panic.

       Then the alarm clock wakes me up and I realize I’m 40 years older and I am safe even if I am not dressed!

       I’m not sure why this happens so often because I don’t feel that I have “unresolved issues” stemming from my school days.  Perhaps it is all about control, and when I feel that things are going out of control in my life I slip into this sorry dream?  I wonder if anyone has ever really gone to school without essential clothing?  I’ve never heard of it so one has to wonder, why do so many people have this horrifying dream?

       Meanwhile, I am harkening back to some of the nice times I had in school and remembering some very good friends who are still with me now.  I was a very lucky person.

School Clothes

When we started school each year my mother would sew my sister and I a number of new outfits. Until we were almost 10 and 11 years old they were usually identical and we never thought anything of it.  My mother had always wanted to be a fashion designer so our clothes were always very well made and designed.  I was never much into clothes and accepted the status quo. It was my younger sister who became clothes conscious first and who began to object to us looking like twins.

       One outfit in particular I remember very well. When I “graduated” junior high school we had a dance where all the girls were going to wear new dresses.  I listened to all the talk and went home to my mother to tell her I needed a new dress too.  Surprisingly she agreed to make me one.  Off we went to buy paisley fabric, after all this was 1967.  What did I know about making clothes despite 2 years of home ec?  So I made no objection to the fabric.  What I ended up with was a paisley mini skirt and a store bought knit top.  It was all the rage and extremely cute but somehow I had an uneasy feeling this wasn’t the kind of new outfit I was supposed to wear to a “prom”. 

       I went to school in the outfit, very nervous and dreading being made fun of.  Instead the other girls gave me approving comments but I noticed that not one of them was wearing a skirt.  They all wore dresses but the good news was they were not extra frilly.  Of course, I did not really blend in but at least I wasn’t being made fun of.  It was one of the few parties that I actually enjoyed attending.

       Sweet memories.

Cultural Exchange

In our country I like to think that we have more tolerance than other nations particularly to our neighbours south of us.  I notice that the younger generation is even more tolerant than the older ones but even my own age group I believe is very open to receiving foreigners into our country, our homes and so forth.  This is what I believe, but is it the truth?

       I know that in my line of work we have representatives of almost every nation in the world working with us and I have never once heard a racist or intolerant comment.  When I went to high school we didn’t have very many ethnic groups but again I must say that I never heard anyone make rude comments or jokes.  I do, however, remember in my elementary school having a commotion when 2 aboriginal boys started there.  I would have been about 12 when this happened but I heard that some parents petitioned the school to have the boys removed.  My own parents were shocked to learn that the boys were being treated badly but eventually the noise died down and they were accepted.  I also remember in this same school we had a boy from Germany start in my sister’s class.  He did not speak English at all and the children at recess treated him brutally even going so far as to “heil Hitler” him with the Nazi salute.  He had many fights and eventually he was brought into our class every morning to get some mentoring from my teacher who seemed to have a rapport with him.  I felt very sorry for him especially when I saw an almost hunted look in his eyes.  It was terrible to see.

       It’s one thing to recognize differences but it’s something else to act on feelings of hatred for no reason other than that someone is different, whether that be race, religion, belief or what have you.  I have a hard time understanding this kind of mind.  Didn’t we have a war 70 years ago that should have taught us something?