The Lightness in my Life

In meditation we attempt to go deep inside ourselves to find “stuff” but very often I find myself moving hither and thither in everyday things.  Once in a while I enjoy taking a deep dive into my childhood whether in or out of the meditative state.  At this distance in time I am not sure whether I would be accurate in calling myself a happy child but I think I was carefree most of the time and certainly happy on a normal basis.  What I mean by that is I was not a kid who went around laughing her head off and being idiotically oblivious of everything.  I wasn’t a Pollyanna type of child as I could get into mischief and I certainly could get dirtier than most children (or so my mother reminded me as I was growing up).  Overall though I had a happy childhood despite having sullen moments, temper tantrums, fights with my siblings, making more than my fair share of mud pies and soakers and generally being a normal child of the 50’s and 60’s. 

When I listened on one of the meditations that Oprah had aha moments of bible reading and had favorite scriptures I find myself blinking or looking blankly for some similar experience.  Nope, not there; I was raised in a non-religious household and my religious experiences were next to nil.  I was maybe 11 or 12, perhaps even older, when Dad told me that if I got scared in the night I should just say the name Jesus Christ and I would be safe.  I think about that now and actually laugh out loud as it sounds more like a curse than a blessing.  Often the things my Dad would tell us would pop into my head as a very detailed picture whether it was one of the Danish boogiemen, a Viking, a ghost or other scary visions to make our hair stand on end.  I’ve always had a very strong sense of the dramatic and I feel sure my scary monsters are much scarier than ordinary people’s (which explains why I always find horror movies a big yawn). 

Rather than having biblical or spiritual experiences my childhood memories center most often on family moments with my parents, siblings and grandmother and aunt.  I can remember many nights when Mom spanked Jeanette and I with the wooden spoon and afterwards we would giggle as we assured each other that we hadn’t been hit.  I can remember Mom scolding us for getting wet feet, making noise, plaguing her with the need for cookies or beverages and generally being a nuisance.  At the same time I can also remember Mom fitting Jeanette and I out with a cute little sewing box and attempting to get our clumsy hands to make embroidery patterns.  Or how she would nurse us when we were sick or read to us from the Danish fairy tale book.  Or when she made Barbie clothes that were more stylish than anything my friends had.  She brushed our long hair daily even when I was 11 or 12 years old and insisted on us either having ponytails or pigtails.  Every August she would give us a permanent and force us into curls all year long, even when the trend was towards straight hair.  We always had forward looking fashions which Mom created without patterns.  I was the only girl in Grade 5 who had a black pencil skirt and white blouse and the first girl in Grade 8 to have paisley miniskirts and light knit tops courtesy of my fashionable mother.

I remember Sunday drives with both my parents, Dad rushing us down Rattlesnake Point while we screamed in pretended fear, letting us paddle in creeks while he asked us to beware of crayfish and bloodsuckers, shuffling us down the big pipe slide and yelling in excitement louder than any of the kids and teaching me how to ride my two-wheeler.  I got a lovely 3-speed bike for my 10^th birthday, second hand but still in perfect condition and I was queen of the street when I learned how to bike.  Gosh but I loved that bike and travelled many places that I wasn’t allowed to go but I did it anyway.

I recall many happy hours in our basement playing all sorts of imaginative games with my brother and sister; some were rough and tumble but others were structured, playing with dolls, trucks, cars, lego blocks and other toys.  Most of our games were filled with intrigue, danger, mystery or the inevitable ghost.  Oftentimes we would end up in fights but generally we played well together most of the time right up to the time I became a teenager.

Happy times.