Grief

I don’t mean to make this a painful subject but it is a subject that is rarely spoken about until there is a death or tragedy of some kind. Isn’t it better to talk about it in advance and give people some preparation for the process of grieving? 

My father was an over protective helicopter dad before that term had even been invented. When my grandmother (his mother) died while we were in Denmark visiting her he called his sister and ordered her to get us sent home before the funeral. Jeanette and I were very upset but being obedient daughters we went home as commanded and I believe both of us have sadness about not being able to say goodbye to Farmor. Dad instinctively just wanted to protect us, not understanding that it would have been better to create a ‘teachable moment’ as we call it today. We never experienced death close up until Dad’s passing (which was completely unexpected and a staggering blow to us all) and then a year later we lost our darling little niece in a tragic car accident. Stoic Danes that we are we soldiered on but it really was painful, unsettling and very difficult for us to navigate our emotions.

I am at the age where people start to “drop off” and it seems lame to continually say “I am sorry for your loss” or “my sympathies”. However it is not supposed to be about me or my awkwardness because the person suffering the loss of a loved one is most likely deaf to the actual words and simply accepts the associated comfort one is extending. At least that is my hope.

There are different levels of grief and different stages – not for me to discuss as they are on different sites if you care to examine them. But what I think is important is that people should discuss – in advance – the grieving process with their loved ones. I know I rather shocked my family when I lay in the hospital bed and they were all around me and I told them “you should prepare yourself for me dying sooner rather than later”. I saw Peter’s face and the blow that gave him but since then I believe he has come to terms with knowing that my time on earth is limited in a measured way. What I mean by that is that while we all know we have to go some time, some of us are given a heads up a lot sooner than we ever wanted to know.

As Mr. Monk says “it’s a blessing and a curse”. Like Evita I have told my family “don’t cry for me”. And every day I am still here, and not suffering, I am grateful and blessed by my family and friends. Living every day in Gratitude is so worth it.