The Mystery of Laundry

Any housewife will tell you that it is not a legend about the Mystery of the Disappearing Socks.  It is a well known fact that if you put 6 pairs of socks into the washing machine by the time they get through the dryer there is only 5 ½ pairs of socks remaining.  In my house he is known as the sock-goblin, the mysterious being who resides somewhere in the laundry room, invisibly moving between the washing machine and the dryer, eating away at (not lint, which would be useful) but socks.  The sock-goblin does not go for underwear although he has been known to nibble in the crotch area from time to time but he strictly has an appetite for socks.  Whether the socks go in folded up as a pair (yes this method has been tried in order to foil the sock-goblin) or as singles, the result is inevitable, one pair is forever gone.

       There is no use in trying to explain away the phenomenon because all logical investigations have long since been thoroughly reviewed and are now abandoned.  There are no lingering socks stashed away in the duvet cover, up a pant leg or down a sweater sleeve.  No, there is irrefutable evidence in our house that the sock-goblin Does Exist.  We have tried to eradicate him from our lives by means of static cling sprays, Downey Fabric Softener, and even static sheets to no avail.  We have used knitting needles to try to push him out of the wringer in the washing machine, we have taken a flashlight into the bowels of the dryer vents but he has an invisible shield that we are unable to penetrate.  Never once, in 27 years, has a missing sock been found.  It has been consumed by the sock-goblin and when the house is razed to the ground in the next millennium there will be found a tiny little hole that goes deep under the earth where a whole generation of sock-goblins live and breed.

       I know it to be true.