In this mad, mad, mad world do we
ever have time to pause and reflect on what we are doing? For most this seems
an impossibility and yet . . . there are ways. Tiny moments in our day to day
life can give us the opportunity to bitch and complain or we can be silent and
reflect. Moments on our commute to and from work (if you are on a bus, not
while driving when one must stay alert), taking a stroll after eating one’s
lunch not only gives one exercise and fresh air but time to reflect or when you
prepare for bed, take a little time to yourself and just muse on what has
happened that day or deeper into what you are doing with your life . . . or
whatever strikes your fancy but that is reflective of YOU.
For those who want to dig deeper
than those “tiny moments” I do recommend reading some books by women who are
successful but who question their success and so analyze their steps up the
ladder. Some excellent books include “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg, “The Power
of Why” by Amanda Lang and “The Power of Focus for Women” by Fran Hewitt and
Les Hewitt. And of course “Good & Mad” by Rebecca Traister. In “the Power of Focus” I found a great deal
of common sense and a good sense of humour were key ingredients to living a
good life with less stress. In “Lean In” I found that not being shy about
speaking up was key to becoming a leader. As well it was key to not be afraid
to simply step up and start doing what needed to be done. From taking some personalities
tests I also realized that women need to stop being what they call “Believers”
and think that they will be recognized by their work. Women MUST speak up and
illustrate to their bosses what they have been doing because otherwise it is
just assumed things are running smoothly because of THEIR leadership. Women
need to be more vocal and less demure.
The question is “do you want to
be a leader”? A leader doesn’t have one look so women don’t need to be afraid to
take on a more prominent role in their own life. I remember a wonderful line in
“The Holiday” when Eli Wallach tells Kate Winslett she needs to be the leading
lady in her own life. That really resonated with me.
Arthur: You, I can tell, are a leading lady,
but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your
own life, for god's sake!
As one matures it is to be hoped
that confidence also grows but in reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book (which I read
several years ago when it first came out in 2013) I was surprised to find
someone so talented and accomplished still has insecurities about her
competence and even right to be “at the table”. Coupled with the insights
gained from “Good & Mad” I now know that despite what our parents might
have told us about being able to do anything we want to do once we get into the
work place we discovered it is DOMINATED, and I mean DOMINATED in every
possible way by men both visibly and invisibly. Furthermore many women who have
reached leadership heights are more focused on fitting in with the male version
of leadership and therefore look at other women as rivals rather than colleagues
who need to be mentored upwards. It is amazing to realize that women can be
their own worst enemies.
Amanda Lang writes in her book
about styles of thinking and advises that we not assume that others think the
same way we do. We are not encouraged in school to have diverse thinking;
instead we are given the one-question, one-answer paradigm. I very clearly
recall having a major dispute with my grade 12 English teacher when I said that
I had “pity and contempt” for Tess. Mr Scalletta was appalled that I had
contempt because in 1971 we were supposed to have washed away those 19th
century Victorian principles. He didn’t allow me to explain the reason for my
contempt was not because she became a “fallen woman” but because she was so
clueless as not to read the signs of the seducer! That was MY 20th
century knowledge coming into play. I rebutted him in a paper I did comparing
Tess to Jane Eyre and got an A. Vindication!
Examine your life and your
motives and always ask “why”. Leaders are mentors, thinkers and questioners and
there is no reason why you cannot fulfill your true potential. Listen to others
and Live Your Best Life.
“In order to properly understand
the big picture everyone should fear becoming mentally clouded and obsessed
with one small section of truth” Xun Zi
No comments:
Post a Comment