Thursday, October 25, 2018

An Examined Life - Part 2


In this mad, mad, mad world do we ever have time to pause and reflect on what we are doing? For most this seems an impossibility and yet . . . there are ways. Tiny moments in our day to day life can give us the opportunity to bitch and complain or we can be silent and reflect. Moments on our commute to and from work (if you are on a bus, not while driving when one must stay alert), taking a stroll after eating one’s lunch not only gives one exercise and fresh air but time to reflect or when you prepare for bed, take a little time to yourself and just muse on what has happened that day or deeper into what you are doing with your life . . . or whatever strikes your fancy but that is reflective of YOU.
For those who want to dig deeper than those “tiny moments” I do recommend reading some books by women who are successful but who question their success and so analyze their steps up the ladder. Some excellent books include “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg, “The Power of Why” by Amanda Lang and “The Power of Focus for Women” by Fran Hewitt and Les Hewitt. And of course “Good & Mad” by Rebecca Traister.  In “the Power of Focus” I found a great deal of common sense and a good sense of humour were key ingredients to living a good life with less stress. In “Lean In” I found that not being shy about speaking up was key to becoming a leader. As well it was key to not be afraid to simply step up and start doing what needed to be done. From taking some personalities tests I also realized that women need to stop being what they call “Believers” and think that they will be recognized by their work. Women MUST speak up and illustrate to their bosses what they have been doing because otherwise it is just assumed things are running smoothly because of THEIR leadership. Women need to be more vocal and less demure.
The question is “do you want to be a leader”? A leader doesn’t have one look so women don’t need to be afraid to take on a more prominent role in their own life. I remember a wonderful line in “The Holiday” when Eli Wallach tells Kate Winslett she needs to be the leading lady in her own life. That really resonated with me.
Arthur: You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake!
As one matures it is to be hoped that confidence also grows but in reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book (which I read several years ago when it first came out in 2013) I was surprised to find someone so talented and accomplished still has insecurities about her competence and even right to be “at the table”. Coupled with the insights gained from “Good & Mad” I now know that despite what our parents might have told us about being able to do anything we want to do once we get into the work place we discovered it is DOMINATED, and I mean DOMINATED in every possible way by men both visibly and invisibly. Furthermore many women who have reached leadership heights are more focused on fitting in with the male version of leadership and therefore look at other women as rivals rather than colleagues who need to be mentored upwards. It is amazing to realize that women can be their own worst enemies.
Amanda Lang writes in her book about styles of thinking and advises that we not assume that others think the same way we do. We are not encouraged in school to have diverse thinking; instead we are given the one-question, one-answer paradigm. I very clearly recall having a major dispute with my grade 12 English teacher when I said that I had “pity and contempt” for Tess. Mr Scalletta was appalled that I had contempt because in 1971 we were supposed to have washed away those 19th century Victorian principles. He didn’t allow me to explain the reason for my contempt was not because she became a “fallen woman” but because she was so clueless as not to read the signs of the seducer! That was MY 20th century knowledge coming into play. I rebutted him in a paper I did comparing Tess to Jane Eyre and got an A. Vindication!
Examine your life and your motives and always ask “why”. Leaders are mentors, thinkers and questioners and there is no reason why you cannot fulfill your true potential. Listen to others and Live Your Best Life.
“In order to properly understand the big picture everyone should fear becoming mentally clouded and obsessed with one small section of truth” Xun Zi

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