Autumn Dreams

 

I was having a bit of a snooze on the front porch today and I thought “now this is the life of Riley”.  The sun was pouring in through the windows, the orange and yellow leaves were gently falling to the earth and all was mellow and calm.  The truth is that I have a hard time taking a nap so I lay on the sofa with eyes half closed and just thought about . . . nothing.  It was almost like meditation, making the mind blank only I didn’t think about it, it just happened.

With all the hustle and bustle of this past year I realize that I am not someone who can sit quietly for very long.  I need to be doing something which seems remarkable.  When I was younger, and especially while I was working, the thing that I liked best to do was just sit still and do nothing.  Now I find myself moving from one thing to another like some human pendulum.  It is very disconcerting to have this mobile side of myself surface.  I’ve tried to calm myself down and tell myself to slow down (especially after that ridiculous fall in the fish pond) but to no avail.  But this afternoon I told myself to go check out the front porch and the next thing I knew I was lying on that sofa and just enjoying the heat of the day.  Amazing.

It was more amazing to realize that I had let my mind go blank for a few moments and just experienced a sense of peace and wonder with little conscious thought.  Of course, the moment I realized I was doing it I snapped out of it which was unfortunate but also amusing.  Obviously it takes time to get into true meditation mode.  Last summer my sister and I tried to do a meditation which lasted about 2 minutes before my sister got distracted and began talking.  Another few seconds and it probably would have been me that would have broken the silence.

But quiet time is really nice . . . and quiet.

Henrietta Sees a Ghost

We had a glorious weekend of wonderful heat and I took advantage of the sun to hang my laundry out of doors.  As chance would have it I had the chickens out free ranging in the back yard at the same time I started to hang up my sheets.  All of a sudden I saw a double line of chicks streaming rapidly from the evergreen tree by the house down into their chicken run.  What on earth, I wondered.  I had never seen them voluntarily head for the coop so I looked about me, expecting to see a dog or cat lurking suspiciously nearby.  I saw nothing.

I continued hanging up the sheets when suddenly there was another commotion coming from the chicken run.  Now the hens were heading for their coop and going inside.  What on earth?  Then it hit me.  The flapping of the sheets was sending the girls into a tizzy.  I began to giggle.  I suppose this was the first time they had noticed the sheets appearing out of nowhere and because of the breeze there was some wild flapping going on that they were not used to.

What was remarkable was how swiftly the girls proceeded, in orderly fashion yet with speed, into the chicken run at the first sign of trouble.  Usually when they get a little upset they will run willy nilly every which way.  One can always wonder at the strangeness of the universe. 

Comic Relief

My morning is always brightened by the emergence of my chickens from their coop.  They come streaming out of their little doorway and flap like they are about to take off for parts unknown.  They then swoop out the gate and onto the green grass, almost tripping over themselves in their eagerness to bite off a blade of grass.  After the first few bites they will start to fan out in various directions and I notice that there are always leaders and followers as they spread across the lawn.  There are a couple of loners as well, one in particular is in love with a little corner of the lawn that she thinks I won’t spot when I call out “back to the circle, girls, back to the circle”.  She huddles between the shed and the rain barrel and trust that the gooseberry bush will camouflage her little brown feathers.  But I’ve got her number and use the corn broom to wiggle her out.  Little devil.

Frederica, Amber and Hermione all try to charm me into letting them stay out longer by doing The Huddle.  The Huddle is when they set into a little squat and invite me to pat their back and touch their wings, after which they assume they are at liberty to return to the greener pastures outside The Circle.  But I sternly encourage them to move on and they will reluctantly flutter down into the area known as The Circle (just outside the coop).  Here there is another little dickens who likes to hide in the corner behind the downspout but unfortunately she makes so much noise she is instantly caught and told to move it along.

Once they are returned into the run they go about their collective business of pecking up bugs, dirt and other curiousities until it’s time to call them to their treat of seeds mid-morning.  Then they come flying out of their nesting spots and look as though I am their forlorn hope.  What could be more heartwarming than that?

After the Labour Day Weekend

Do you remember your first day of school, year after year?  Besides feeling fluttery at the thought of a new teacher my one clear memory is the new clothes and new shoes that we wore on the first day of school.  My sister and I always had matching outfits until we were tweens and we never thought anything of it.  My mother was a fantastic seamstress who not only made dresses, blouses and skirts for us but trousers for my brothers and even winter coats and jackets for us.  She was really gifted.

Today I still consider the week after Labour Day as a fresh start.  For years I have considered the Labour Day weekend as the one where I start to put my yard to bed for the winter, weather permitting.  This is the week where I start my mini-resolutions such as upping the workouts, staying off the computer, doing more “meaningful” work, being “more social” and other resolutions that fade away as the weather gets colder.  This September has special meaning for me as I approach my first anniversary in retirement.  I feel as though I am running to a ribbon at the finish line and am excited to shout out “I made it without being bored once”.

And that’s the truth.  I’ve had a really terrific first year where I have accomplished so much with all the improvements around the house and grounds.  Now I look forward to a second year where I buckle down to some serious work on the writing and studying front.  Remember one of the six pieces of the retirement pie is “Mental Health” which means that we have to exercise those “little grey cells”.  I can admit that in this year of physical work and activity the grey cells have been coasting a little too much for my comfort.  While I don’t think I am quite overwhelmed, yet, by the thought of actually studying I do have some qualms about what I may discover about my abilities.

And isn’t that just a little bit like starting out on your first day of school, wondering if the teacher is going to find you a satisfactory student.  Our experiences really aren’t so far from the past as we’d like to think!

What Works for You?

Now if that isn’t a loaded question I don’t know what is.  But let me quickly narrow down the possibilities in that question.  Specifically, what is working for you in your life?

I’m asking that question because a dear relative of mine spent most of last year questioning his purpose and wondering if he was where he ought to be.  He was young enough to take a plunge off into an adventure and using the words of Frodo Baggins “it’s a dangerous business going out your front door” off he went to find himself anew.

So I pose the question, is your life working for you as it is right now?  Is your day to day life giving you purpose and fulfilling the vision of yourself that you had when you were 6, 12 or 18?  Is any part of that younger person still in you or do you feel you are too old to have imagination, adventure or fun anymore?  Heck, if you are anything like me you still feel young inside even though your bones, muscles and organs protest every time you roll around in bed!  So just shake your head and then lie down on the floor, close your eyes and just think.

Remember when you lay in the grass with bugs hopping around you while sand slowly sneaked into your shorts or under your shirt.  Remember when you could hear the sound of the grass moving around your ears and you could feel the tickle of a fly whizzing past you.  Remember how the sun burned through your closed eyelids and you could make out daisies and tree shadows and maybe even a crow flying through the air.  Remember how you ignored your mother as she called for you to get up and not to get dirty.  Now start remembering when those feelings of being a kid left you.  When did that start to happen?  Was it when you entered high school, the pressure of homework, exams and thoughts of college?  Was it when you graduated and you wondered what was going to happen next, were you going to take a job, go hiking in Europe for a year or were you going straight into college to study for your dream job?  Or were you simply going to college to please your parents?  Oh, and then the marriage happened, the babies came, the mortgage needed to get paid, the kids needed new shoes, an education, a second car, keeping up with the Joneses, vacations, another mortgage, another car.  Obligations.  More obligations.

Stop the bus, I want to get off!

Here’s what I know for sure, life throws us all kinds of curve balls, some of them pretty darn hard.  But how we meet each one of those curves is what develops us into who we become.  It’s not for me to say how you should handle them but today I am asking you to take a look at where you are going and if things are working out like you want them to.  If not, it’s never too late to change your mental attitude and find the fun in life.  Because every time you open the door to your mind you can find that adventure.

On the Right Path

I am rapidly approaching the anniversary of my first year in retirement and find myself assessing the year to date.  As I wrote six months into retirement I still feel that the time has not flown by without at the same time feeling a strong sense of accomplishment as in “wow, this has been great”.  For the first time in my life I feel that I have had short and long term goals and that the short term goals have been accomplished in fine fashion.  The long term goals have good foundations and I am set to take them into motion this winter.

So what has the first year in retirement taught me?  Hmm, first of all to slow down.  I stopped working on September 30^th and the following day I jumped headlong into retirement by taking a course, starting my workout regime and began working on the first of several building projects in the months ahead.  The consequence of working too hard and too fast was that I became sloppy and caused myself a serious injury in breaking my wrist.  It was a major setback but it also sobered me up to assess how I walk around the yard and in the house.  After all “I’m not getting any younger”.  Oh yes, this phrase has been knocking around in my head ever since that dismal slip into the fish pond.  Just saying that makes me feel silly!

Aside from this sobering experience everything else has been delightful.  I feel thrilled to say that my association with my former colleagues is as strong as ever and I credit them as much as myself with keeping up the connection.  Social contact is vital for a person’s wellbeing and those who go into retirement often lose many of their former associates in quick order.  Ever since my father’s passing I have made an especially strong effort to build good relationships with a variety of different people and I feel so lucky to have met them in the first place.  Keeping in touch takes quite a lot of effort and I am learning to be more hands on by telephoning instead of just sending emails or Facebooking.  Talking to someone is really a human connection that emails just cannot duplicate. 

My hobbies took a bit of a backseat this year due to all the building projects but as the projects were made to help implement the hobbies it really was essential.  So this year, the craft room is finished and ready to help me create some wonderful cards, scrapbooks, drawings and other things as they come to mind.  The greenhouse has been in use all summer and the raised beds have had their first trial run.  The back yard is tilled and ready for a bumper crop next year.  I have several other things on the back burner for long term fulfilment.

Exercise took front and centre from the beginning and I can report that despite a short hiatus while I was convalescing I have been faithfully working out 5 days a week.  As the anniversary draws near it will be time to ramp it up to the next level and that plan is already in motion.  All is satisfying on this front, with more energy and more limberness in this old rack of bones.

On a “spiritual” or mental level I feel less satisfied.  I have fallen short in keeping up with the free meditations that are offered by Oprah and Deepak regularly but during the last round I managed to actually get voice activated messages which I really enjoyed but did not sit still long enough to listen to all 21 of them.  I’ve promised myself to slow down this autumn and complete the full course when it’s offered again.  When I was listening I did feel that I was being centred, as they call it in meditation. 

What I have learned this first year is quite simply to slow down and savour every moment of my life.  Without wanting to sound preachy, don’t wait for retirement to take a page out of that book and so ENJOY YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

Books in Review for 2015

On the lighter side of life, let’s talk about books that I have been reading lately. 

During the winter I idled away some cold afternoons with really old books that I got for free on my Kindle.  I had a marathon read of Grace Livingston Hill and Gene Stratton Porter, both authors from the early 20^th century and Grace in particular was a “Christian” writer.  I found the books soothing and simple reading and yet there were thoughts in most of the books that I read that triggered questions in my mind.  I was surprised that in the early 1900’s writers were already indicating how few people were attending church and when they did they didn’t seem to get anything out of the sermons they supposedly listened to.  It surprised me because of all the television viewing I did in my childhood where it seemed that everyone in America went to Sunday School or church and I just assumed that when people did that they were naturally disposed to have a “Christian attitude”.  In the case of Gene I felt as she got older her books took on a more sanctimonious tone where her early books were strongly nature based stories.  I really enjoyed her books “The Harvester”, “The Girl of the Limberlost”, “Freckles” and even “Daughter of the Land”.  I think I have read almost everything both authors have written and certainly recommend them for entertainment value.  A current light read would be Susanna Kearsley’s “A Desperate Fortune”.

Funniest book this year has been the old “The Egg and I” by Betty MacDonald, sheer laugh out loud moments.  And I am still jealous that she hogged such a good title!

I read two biographies “Wait for Me” by Deborah Mitford, Duchess of Devonshire which I found delightful and “A House in the Sky” by Calgary’s Amanda Lindhout which I found a little off-putting by the fact that I really thought she put herself in needless danger by being heedless to warnings.  However, it is well written and worth a read.  Pseudo-biography by Sue Monk Kidd’s “The Invention of Wings” is another really good book.  I liked it very much and felt she had done quite a lot of research on her topic.

The most satisfying book of the year has to be “All the Light You Cannot See” by Anthony Doerr.  I simply couldn’t put it down and became completely stressed to discover if the two characters would every meet.  Highly recommend this book to everyone.  In sync with this book, “Every Man Dies Alone” by Hans Fallada is another page turner and really worth reading from several points of view.  It is written in 1947, by a German, about Berlin during the war, and really nails the feeling of the time.  It helps put into perspective the question we often ask ourselves “how could good people let the Nazis get so out of hand”?   

“Go Set a Watchman” by Harper Lee is worth reading only because it is the book she wrote prior to re-writing it into “To Kill a Mockingbird”.  I am sorry to say that it is not really a great book although it is readable.  I would have to say it is a bit of a letdown especially given all the hype for months in advance.

Finally to round off the reading so far, I had a good laugh and my eyes opened with “An Idiot’s Guide to the Great Depression” which was well worth the two dollars I paid for it.  Try it, you might like it. 

Critical Thinking

Yesterday I wrote a little bit about the situation in Europe and today I’d like to relate to you a discussion I had with one of my cousins, a discussion that became quite heated.

I was sitting eating my breakfast in the hotel when my cousin entered, greeted me, went to get his own breakfast at the buffet and returning to the table, without even sitting down he began to relate having seen 2 separate headlines in different newspapers.  From the gist of what he said I was supposed to instantly understand, number one, what he had said, and number two, agree with something he barely was able to article.  From that a free for all (on his side) began.  It may astonish my readers to know that I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  It was assumed that words I had spoken some 5 days previous to this episode were apropos of these mysterious headlines.  Needless to say this discussion could not go on long without a protest from moi.  Let’s say the topic was terminated for another occasion.

Essentially, the one headline said that the Danish State Minister was going to veto the citizenship applications of 2,000 persons who had written and passed their citizenship examinations.  The other headline announced that Germany would be taking in 800,000 refugees in 2015.  Somehow I was supposed to equate the one with the other.  I managed to glean that those who had written the Danish exam had been in Denmark for 7 years.  Those people were the ones who had chosen to write the exam, who knows how many more refugees had entered the country 7 years ago and how does that relate to the crisis raging in the Middle East in 2015? 

Now, the statement I had made some days previous to this discussion was that the refugees coming into Scandinavia and other north European countries were coming with their hand out, demanding money.  It was a different discussion and I was merely relating what information I was getting from other news stories and people I had been talking to from various northern countries.

Somehow these words were thrown into my face and I was accused of being a racist. 

Now here is where the critical thinking comes in.

To be accused of being a racist, even though it was in the heat of the moment, is a very disturbing thing.  I am not the type of person who can slough off any kind of characteristic thrown at me without examining the comment thoroughly.  Many years ago a dear friend noted that the first thing out of my mouth after hearing a nasty story was a vengeful retort.  I took that very much to heart and learned that indeed, my first instinct when I hear something wrong is to have an avenging thought.  It doesn’t mean that I act on it, it’s just the first impulse.  Knowing this about myself I have learned to examine my reactions carefully.

Therefore I have been examine my feelings about this Migration Crisis carefully and in particular the refugees who are fleeing from their situation.  I still feel that the Middle East crisis is too complex to have a solution, especially coming from a Western perspective.  I also feel that simply opening the doors to European countries without very specific rules of conduct is not a good solution.  The whole world is in some form of economic recession so the type of aid that has been given to refugees in the past is simply not sustainable with literally millions of new refugees flocking into Europe.  Does having these thoughts make a person a racist?  Would I feel differently if they were white, if they were not Muslim? 

I feel quite certain that the answer is no.  I don’t think a person with my capacity for justice and compassion could possibly be a racist.  A person who has recently gone through the concentration camp at Auschwitz, who has read countless stories of the horrors of Nazi Germany, could possibly turn her back on anyone who seeks refuge from any kind of a horrible situation.  But having compassion and a sense of justice doesn’t mean that I have checked common sense at the door.  At this moment the desperate refugee is not knocking at the door so I have the luxury of still being able to think “outside the situation” if you will.  For the Europeans who are facing the crisis head on – many thousands are opening their hearts, homes and borders because what else can they do?

It behooves all those in power to take a critical look at the situation and come up with global solutions and at all times, and I quote George Santayana “those who cannot remember the past are destined to repeat it”.

Back Home in Canada

As my readers know, I very much enjoy travelling to different countries and experiencing what foreign parts have to offer but for the first time in my travels I felt extraordinarily anxious to return to Canada.  I had some very enjoyable experiences in both Poland and Denmark, enjoying the countries and also having a wonderful time with my family and friends.  However the whole time I was in Europe I had a very unsettled feeling which was caused by the almost ceaseless news reports of what they call “the migration crisis” in Europe.

It didn’t matter what channel I was on, Danish, British, Swedish or German, the news was constantly focused on the hundreds of thousands of refugees flooding into Europe, the pictures were graphic.  They are coming from every direction, from Africa, the Middle East as well as places like Bosnia, Serbia and other eastern European countries.  There were “mini documentaries” on the paths of migration that the people were taking and on their reactions when they were stopped at borders.  The refugees were confused, outraged, angry, upset and desperate. 

Only part of the other side of the story was told, how the countries are ill prepared to take in the overwhelming numbers of refugees, legitimate or not.  Almost nothing was said of the wars raging in the countries they are fleeing from.  But there were some bits about the “people smugglers” and how many bodies were found along the roads to freedom.

The situation is critical and I do not pretend for a moment to think that I have any answers at all.  All I did know was that I had a sense that things were only going to get worse and that it was a good idea to be home where I understood the situation better.

Really?  I came home to a country half way through the politicking of a federal election and it is a little like déjà vu from the last time I returned from Denmark.  Our prime minister is still throwing out a lot of half-truths (to be polite) and the media doesn’t seem to know if they are on board or not.  Which way does the wind blow today?

Ah, it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.