Creating Peace in the Family

As the year draws to a close and the world prays for peace on earth even amidst the worst devastation in decades I look inward and wish for peace in the family.  Of course I hope for peace in the world, among friends and colleagues, in neighbourhoods and so forth but when all is said and done the influence on and in the family is the strongest.  As I went through the latest meditation with Deepak and as I review the notes I took over the 21 days I feel grateful to know these are both profound and simple steps to making our everyday lives plain, simple and peaceful.

Christmas time can be both lovely, happy and connecting but it can also create high expectations that could be dashed through simple misunderstandings, carelessness or thoughtlessness for, by or to others.  It takes true inner understanding and strength to let go of disappointment and move forward into a new year with solid resolutions for peace and goodwill toward all.

I am from a family with strong personalities, deep convictions and loud voices.  When we get together we can be a little overpowering to non-family members, in-laws and friends alike.  As we get older I sometimes think about an article Ann Landers wrote wherein she excused herself for cutting off other people because she got over-excited and needed to make her point.  The fact of the matter was that she was entering middle age and from personal experience I think we suddenly forget our manners because we are so afraid of forgetting what we were going to say!  I’ve had to give myself many a mental shake to stop cutting other people off by saying to myself “Ann Landers moment”.  I am not cured and my siblings are so not cured but occasionally we will create rules for ourselves taken from “Lord of the Flies”.  Hey, I have the conch now; or I am ringing the bell, or I have the feather.  Sometimes it works but mostly we just raise our voices an octave higher.  It doesn’t help that some of the siblings are getting a little deaf and others are menopausal.

Oh to be on high as the eldest and the most evolved.  And not one of my siblings can trump “I have the most life experience”.  Dad used to kill me with that one but now I am the one holding that particular card.

Gotcha. 

And may you have Peace on Earth.  J

A Getting Unstuck Meditation

Another meditation mantra in getting unstuck led me to a frolic in our backyard in Grimsby.  All three of us (Jeanette, John and I) had a fascination with horses.  Sometimes we were cowboys, sometimes we were circus performers or we were simply horses.  We would canter, gallop or lope, never walk, as our imaginations led us into our horse adventures.  On this particular day in late fall we were messing about in the backyard, leaping over mud pools when Jeanette missed her footing and went slapped into a puddle.  She started screaming as she was sinking downwards, unable to get her feet unstuck.  I went to rescue her and got stuck.  Then John got stuck.  By this time we were yelling our fool heads off and both Mom and Dad stuck their heads out the window to see if we were murdering each other.

Dad laughed, got dressed and hauled us out one by one, leaving the boots in the mud.  Once out we were relieved until Dad made the comment that we could have sunk through to China.  Good heavens!  We loved watching Tarzan movies and later on there was the Tarzan TV series starring Ron Ely so of course we remembered episodes with quicksand. 

I remember my little sister getting her head stuck between the bannisters in the house in Winnipeg.  Dad made the comment that he hoped he wouldn’t have to cut off her ears to get her unstuck.  I think he loved hearing us scream because he would crack up laughing.  There was a lot of the kid in my dad even in old age and his sense of humour was unrelenting.  The family legend that one of our great uncles was thrown overboard, to his death, all because of a joke appears more and more likely as I reflect on the family funny bone.  But wouldn’t life be dull without a joke or two along the road to old age?

The Lightness in my Life

In meditation we attempt to go deep inside ourselves to find “stuff” but very often I find myself moving hither and thither in everyday things.  Once in a while I enjoy taking a deep dive into my childhood whether in or out of the meditative state.  At this distance in time I am not sure whether I would be accurate in calling myself a happy child but I think I was carefree most of the time and certainly happy on a normal basis.  What I mean by that is I was not a kid who went around laughing her head off and being idiotically oblivious of everything.  I wasn’t a Pollyanna type of child as I could get into mischief and I certainly could get dirtier than most children (or so my mother reminded me as I was growing up).  Overall though I had a happy childhood despite having sullen moments, temper tantrums, fights with my siblings, making more than my fair share of mud pies and soakers and generally being a normal child of the 50’s and 60’s. 

When I listened on one of the meditations that Oprah had aha moments of bible reading and had favorite scriptures I find myself blinking or looking blankly for some similar experience.  Nope, not there; I was raised in a non-religious household and my religious experiences were next to nil.  I was maybe 11 or 12, perhaps even older, when Dad told me that if I got scared in the night I should just say the name Jesus Christ and I would be safe.  I think about that now and actually laugh out loud as it sounds more like a curse than a blessing.  Often the things my Dad would tell us would pop into my head as a very detailed picture whether it was one of the Danish boogiemen, a Viking, a ghost or other scary visions to make our hair stand on end.  I’ve always had a very strong sense of the dramatic and I feel sure my scary monsters are much scarier than ordinary people’s (which explains why I always find horror movies a big yawn). 

Rather than having biblical or spiritual experiences my childhood memories center most often on family moments with my parents, siblings and grandmother and aunt.  I can remember many nights when Mom spanked Jeanette and I with the wooden spoon and afterwards we would giggle as we assured each other that we hadn’t been hit.  I can remember Mom scolding us for getting wet feet, making noise, plaguing her with the need for cookies or beverages and generally being a nuisance.  At the same time I can also remember Mom fitting Jeanette and I out with a cute little sewing box and attempting to get our clumsy hands to make embroidery patterns.  Or how she would nurse us when we were sick or read to us from the Danish fairy tale book.  Or when she made Barbie clothes that were more stylish than anything my friends had.  She brushed our long hair daily even when I was 11 or 12 years old and insisted on us either having ponytails or pigtails.  Every August she would give us a permanent and force us into curls all year long, even when the trend was towards straight hair.  We always had forward looking fashions which Mom created without patterns.  I was the only girl in Grade 5 who had a black pencil skirt and white blouse and the first girl in Grade 8 to have paisley miniskirts and light knit tops courtesy of my fashionable mother.

I remember Sunday drives with both my parents, Dad rushing us down Rattlesnake Point while we screamed in pretended fear, letting us paddle in creeks while he asked us to beware of crayfish and bloodsuckers, shuffling us down the big pipe slide and yelling in excitement louder than any of the kids and teaching me how to ride my two-wheeler.  I got a lovely 3-speed bike for my 10^th birthday, second hand but still in perfect condition and I was queen of the street when I learned how to bike.  Gosh but I loved that bike and travelled many places that I wasn’t allowed to go but I did it anyway.

I recall many happy hours in our basement playing all sorts of imaginative games with my brother and sister; some were rough and tumble but others were structured, playing with dolls, trucks, cars, lego blocks and other toys.  Most of our games were filled with intrigue, danger, mystery or the inevitable ghost.  Oftentimes we would end up in fights but generally we played well together most of the time right up to the time I became a teenager.

Happy times.

Personal 2016 Summation

The year is drawing to an end and I felt slightly hesitant in reflecting over my personal year until I reviewed my desk journal.  So let me begin by saying that I am truly grateful for the impulse that made me buy “Jumpstart Your Thinking” by John Maxwell since it inspired me to use the business journal to set down not only goals but daily tasks and successes.  This has helped me to feel accountable for my days in a positive way rather than as a dreaded challenge.  I was able to log my progress in my reading, my studies, my adventures with the hens & bees and all the new plantings in my garden.

I have a few days left in my “Bible in One Year” reading and will give you those reflections in another blog but I feel very happy to know that I have finally read the bible cover to cover.  Overlapping the reading I have finished two Yale courses that covered both the Old & New Testaments which really assisted in putting my bible reading on a different level (historical rather than religious).  Supplemental to that I read nearly a dozen books on spirituality and other religions; again this will be recounted in an additional blog.  But I can with perfect satisfaction make a mental tick on the goal of “studying religions” with the help of John Maxwell helpful guidance.

I took time in the spring to plan my garden as well as set my long term strategy to create a sustainable farm.  This meant holding off on buying any bee hives yet seek out a mentor to help me get a more solid foundation for when I do start beekeeping in earnest.  I therefore concentrated on increasing my chicken flock and studying their habits in the hopes of someday becoming a Chicken Whisperer.  Frankly I am not so sure that this is possible as my death toll versus recovery has been sadly unbalanced.  My frugal nature has not allowed me to take a $6 chicken to the vet and my Google experience on hen ailments has not led me to a proper diagnosis of most of the hens (or I may be catching the symptoms when they are too far gone).  Nevertheless I get considerable amusement out of my girls and I know that I will keep my brood for many years to come.

If I had only known that we were going to get the rainiest summer on record I would have planted more fruit trees and bushes but I did manage to plant two lovely apple trees, some cherry and blueberries bushes as well as a half dozen gooseberry bushes.  I also set up a beautiful raised bed of strawberries with a bird net to protect them from those voracious birds.  I saw my asparagus plantings from the year before come back to life which encouraged me to expand the plantings further.  The vegetable garden was somewhat pathetic but I did get a good crop of potatoes and zucchini.  The lesson learned was that some of the vegetables do better in the ground rather than in a raised bed so I will have to structure the vegetable patch a little more next spring.  My one failure this summer was not getting any raspberries in as the ones planted the previous year did not survive.  I shall be more aggressive with them this coming spring since I love raspberries.

I had a few adventures in beekeeping and was initiated into bee stings with no trouble worth mentioning.  This winter I am going to experiment with making creamed honey as I believe this will aid me in marketing my honey in years to come.  Marketing for both the honey and the eggs is one of the things I have been studying this fall and winter but at the end of the day my feeling is that I want to enjoy my retirement hobbies rather than create a highly profitable business.  If I can earn a little living I shall be pleased but I am not out to make a killing.  I take Wendell Berry’s statement to heart which really helps keep me in balance when I become a little too ambitious.

Through all the activity I managed to retain an active social life and stayed connected with many of my former colleagues as well as rejuvenating my book club.  Friendship, I realize, need constant attention and nurturing if they are going to survive for the long haul.  If one is sensitive it can sometimes seem as though all the burden falls on you but this is where I find that I personally need to stay humble as well as empathetic which is challenging sometimes.  Three 21-Day Oprah & Deepak Meditations this year has assisted in centering those characteristics, pride and egotism.  The three sessions were Finding the Lightness in Your Life, Getting Unstuck Leads to Fulfillment and Creating Peace from the Inside Out.  The sessions are offered free every few months and are very valuable in looking inward.

To sum up the year, it has been one of reflection, of activity and of social living.  The world is both complex and simple; people are complex and simple and life is both simple and complex.  You may think “she isn’t saying much” but then you may want to think a little deeper and go “ah, now I see”. 

Reflections During the Holiday Season

As the year draws to an end and while we gear up to making merry it is also a time to start collecting our thoughts and begin making plans for the new year.  As we mature we may begin to notice how each year seems to fly by even faster than the year before.  I cannot believe that 2016 is coming to a close before I have “wrapped my head around” the idea that we were even in 2016. 

These past few of years since we entered the “teens” of the year 2000 I have frequently considered the world as it was 100 years ago.  There have been many films and stories focusing on the first World War so it was not easy to overlook the condition of the world then.  In so many respects we have had a very rewarding century of improvements to life with advances in science and medicine as well as social reforms.  Despite the rather disturbing trend in the past few of years attempting to push social change into a new Dark Age we are still in a better place than most of our grandparents were.

We frequently make resolutions not only for the new year but also at Christmas to be kind to others but our resolve seldom takes us to the finish line; indeed there really shouldn’t be a finish line.  I am hoping that I can do better in 2017 and I know that there are many reasons why I feel that it is more achievable than usual.  It is easy to feel overwhelmed when things don’t seem to be going your way but I reflect on those within my own immediate circle and the struggles they have endured this past year and I think “I’m grateful for what I have”.  If I can help make their lives easier, that is a gift.

Folks, take care of yourselves this holiday season and if you are able to help someone count yourself blessed.  Even a smile helps someone on their way.

 

Christmas Baking Makes the World Go Round

I got the baking bug when I was fairly young.  I was baking Boston Cream Pies (from a box of course) by the time I was 11.  When I was 12 I started my first year of Home Ec. and received one of my most treasured recipes – chocolate chip cookies (still my prize winning recipe, although not that secret).  I still prefer to bake over cooking anytime but must admit here that it has been many years since I have gone gung-ho into baking mode.

Now that I am gently easing my way back into the kitchen I read through a not inconsiderable library of cookbooks with ever growing enthusiasm.  Yes, the operative word would be “read” as I find myself sticking to most of my well used original recipes as my go-to desserts.  I have some favored recipes, a Danish pound cake, an old Betty Crocker cream puff recipe, bran muffins, the above said chocolate chip cookies and my signature quiche (technically not dessert but it is pie).  I also make one amazing lemon meringue pie from scratch, using Ann Landers’ other sister’s recipe. 

I don’t know if you have noticed when reading a cookbook but many authors seems a little too happy to use odd ingredients.  What do I mean by odd?  Well, who has anise in the cupboard ready at hand?  Who has cardamom?  I have a little bit more than the basics of baking powder, baking soda, vanilla and chocolate but give me a break on other flavorings.  Yes I have cinnamon, I even have ginger but I don’t get a lot fancier than that “regularly”.  The trouble with getting into exotic spices and flavours is that they are very expensive and also expire before you could possibly use up the bottle.  Furthermore, you aren’t really sure if you are going to like the flavor anyway. 

That’s one thing.  The other thing is that many of the recipes (in particular Martha Stewart and Julia Child) are way too complicated.  I like the Company’s Coming recipes because they are very workable and tasty.  I also have a really good book from Reader’s Digest which my father bought for me many years ago.  That one is my go to for all basic recipes as well as cooking methods.  It’s my bible just as my mother’s wedding present cookbook is hers.  Between us we have things covered pretty well.

Did I mention I have the baking bug?  Mom and I are cooking up Christmas even as I write.  Ahh, don’t you love the smell of baked goods?

December's Reads

My favorite read this month has to be “The Hive” by Gill Hornby.  I was by turns angry or amused and midway through I was laughing out loud.  This is a story of a clique of moms who run their version of the PTA in an English town (village? It’s never quite clear).  You can find analogies in the work place almost as easily as observing the power struggles of the Queen Bee mother and her little worker bees.  It’s a light hearted read but well written and the characters are nicely drawn.

The next book was not nearly as well written and the characters were rather narrowly drawn.  “Summerset Abbey” by T.J. Brown is the first in a trilogy but is a very sad attempt at capturing the enthusiasm of “Downton Abbey” fans.  I managed to get through it but I’m not sure I will want to read the next installment.  I would say, well if you are desperate for a light read it is alright but just borrow it from the library.  Even at the bargain bin I think it was money thrown away.  Sorry, I hate to be critical of a book but there you have it.

A friend has lent me another book “The Truth and Other Lies” by Sascha Arango, a German author.  Good grief, I have only begun this book but it has me by the seat of my bed (sorry, I am one of those who reads best in bed).  I won’t say anymore except to say that the first 3 chapters have me totally enthralled.  Major suspense and two thumbs up!

I had begun “Mr. and Mrs. Madison’s War” by Hugh Howard which is all about the war of 1812 and while it begins well I made the mistake of picking up the above mentioned book simply to browse it so sadly the Mr. & Mrs. are going to have to wait until I finish Sascha Arango’s first novel.

And then, there’s Christmas.  I wonder what surprises lay ahead of me?  Hint hint, loved ones.

I'm Cheesed Off Again

Like most people if there is one thing that really ticks me off it is being duped or otherwise ripped off.  What has me going today?  It’s the question of whether AdSense is yet another scam that rips people off or if it is just so cumbersome that newbies like me cannot work our way through the maze.  Let’s face it these days it is troublesome to make a phone call to our pharmacist, what with having to press so many buttons prompted by a tape recorder.  Forget trying to reach a person on a government line.  Talk about anything computer related you are in la-la land right off the bat.

I’ve tried every which way to figure out how I could suddenly lose all the “money” I had accumulated (don’t worry we aren’t even talking 2 digits here, but still).  There isn’t even a proper Contact Us forum on the site, which I should have noticed when I first signed up.  I have been thinking that I have “monetized” my poor little blog for almost a year now but sadly the few people who may have clicked on an ad have not actually supported me at all, only some unknown Ghost in NetherSphere.  Shame on me in being so duped or naïve.

It doesn’t pay to fight some battles and let’s face it my blogs aren’t terribly exciting to anyone but a few friends and co-workers.  The miracle is that I retain some followers but now you will be happy to notice that I have de-monetized my site.  Or at least, attempted to do so.

Christmas Time is Near at Hand

As I was saying, once upon a time I had an imagination.  I used to make up all sorts of stories in my head and later I would eagerly write my “story” on paper.  Today I can formulate a brief timeline to a story but I rarely get it on paper because somehow I got myself pigeonholed into thinking I should write non-fiction.  How presumptuous.  My niche, I think, is still in the world of fiction as I look at the passenger across the seat from me and create a hidden life for this innocent soul who has just become a drug addicted psychopath in my mind simply because she has dark circles under her eyes and a tattoo behind her ear.

Every Christmas the family enters their private writing contest in the hopes of creating entertainment after the gifts are opened and the dessert is yet a dream away.  I have yet to win the contest of ‘best entry’ and I go to bed admiring a niece, nephew or brother who has made us all life or cry.  Every year I try a new twist but somehow the family seems to know me too well, they seem to guess almost as soon as I begin the tale.  Darn, how predictable.  This year I will foil them all, I say each year.

Once upon a time I had an imagination . . . I guess it really hasn’t gone away at all.

Me Time

Once upon a time I had an imagination that never stopped.  Wait a minute, “once upon a time”?  Am I saying that my imagination has stopped?  Have you ever had moments when you question the things you are thinking; I mean the things that seem to be fundamentally you?

I am not sure if it is old age, maturity, too much reading, too much thinking or what is making me question my fundamental self but it’s true, I have begun second guessing myself.  Me, moi, the one who IS.  Gasp!  I thought these queries ended once I stepped over the threshold of . . . 20?  30? 40? Let me guess, 50?  You jest, you quiz me but no, sadly I am not jesting.

I sit across from my 83 year old mother and espouse something, whatever.  I see a quizzical look on her face and I wonder “have I said something stupid?”  No, I couldn’t possible.  Then I wonder “have I said something opposite to what I said yesterday?”  No, I am sure I would remember.  Stop it, don’t be “Still Alice” in your head.  Even before that thought ends I wonder “am I going back on my fundamental self?”  There we go again, doubts, queries, uncertainty, holy cow Identity Crisis.

I ask you, have you ever wondered about yourself?

How to be a Perfect Retiree

There’s a time to be serious and there’s a time to be ridiculous to paraphrase Ecclesiastes. 

How can I possibly tell anyone how to the perfect retiree?  What would the perfect retirement look like to you?  Indeed, what looks great for one person would be utterly boring to someone else, painful even.  However, I can still suggest that what I have already written about in the past is still an excellent template on how to strive towards what would be perfect for you.  Yes, I am back at it, the 6 pieces are essential to be worked at in order to have the closest proximity to a “perfect retirement”.  They are, once again, Financial, Physical, Health, Social, Hobbies and Spirit.

The more I have researched and the more I have observed those who have retired the more strongly I can vouch that all 6 pieces need to be looked at, thought about and created into a pattern for your life in order for you to have the fullest satisfaction of that life in retirement.  I notice it most particularly in men, how unhappy they are in retirement because they don’t have Spirit or Social or Hobbies and in many cases, all 3 pieces are missing.  What is the point of saving a huge amount of money to still be dissatisfied when you quit the job you may or may not have enjoyed for the last 40 years?  What is the point of being physically fit or super healthy if you don’t find life exciting, interesting and fun?

If I may reiterate, so much of what we can benefit from is actually free.  Is there anyone who cannot access a park to walk in?  Is there anyone who doesn’t have a computer or at least access to one?  Does anyone not have access to a library?  Is anyone barred from a religious community?  I feel confident in saying that no one is barred from any of these things.

Naturally I must agree that if one hasn’t been able to save for a retirement and is dependent solely on what they would receive from CPP and Old Age Security you are going to have some struggles, especially if you either have a mortgage or are renting.  This is, indeed a problem, and one that I have not easy answer or solution for without going down the political gopher hole.  However, even for those struggling with financial concerns in their old age, there is still no excuse for not taking advantage of things that are free and may help you feel somewhat better despite your struggles.

I end as I began, there’s a time to be sad and there’s a time to rejoice.  Just saying . . .