Doldrums

I am having a murky kind of morning, where I wake up at 6, groan, rollover and half sleep until 7:30.  Then I do the dismal (that would be weight myself), groan some more and regret the dinner I ate last night.  Okay, it was a milestone party and it’s only one day.  Schlep into the kitchen to make an appetizing breakfast of water and lemon, groan some more.  Open up the computer, groan some more.  Facebook, no I don’t want to go there.

            Yep, murky.  I am in the doldrums.  It’s the middle of November, the vista outside looks brown, brown, brown.  Am I longing for snow?  No but this browness is taking me down.  The lemon drink is taking me down.  The boringness of my life is taking me down.

            Oh the drama, the despair.  It’s the doldrums.

            Do you ever have days like this where you wonder “what is the point of my existence”?  I’m not exactly depressed, that is a whole different ballgame, but I just don’t know where to turn for my energy this morning.  If I don’t have energy I don’t have imagination either so how can I get on with my Sunday morning ritual of write, write, write?  How can I turn it up a notch, or seven in this case?  I am seriously avoiding thinking about all the “owed” phone calls which I must make before I become a grovelling, snivelling excuser of a person.  I am grateful this morning for my diminishing peripheral vision as I am somewhat able to avoid the spawning of paper that surrounds my desk top, floor bottom and shelving in between.  I would like to set up a video camera in my office to see how paper procreates during the wee hours of the night.

            How does a person entertain without food?  I was raised by the most hospitable woman on the planet and “no food” is not in the curriculum.

            Enough with the lament!  How do I solve my doldrum problem?  I think I must force myself out into the cold and take a good brisk walk and get some oxygen in my body.  Then I will make like a dog and roll in the dead leaves.