Have you ever put yourself
in someone else’s shoes? When a
situation is dramatic or when you are watching a particularly intense movie or
reading a gripping novel do you imagine yourself in that person’s place? In real life there are sometimes
circumstances that call for real empathy but it is not always easy to know what
the right words are to express your sympathy or concern. Situations such as grieving for a lost one or
coping with job loss are two that spring to mind as I have had to handle both
situations recently.
For the most part what I
have experienced is that nothing is really wrong to say. What is most important is to acknowledge what
has happened and one’s expression of concern can be in a brief sentence such as
“I’m very sorry for your loss”. To ignore
the situation is the cruelest thing a person can do. In such a case it’s prudent to search your
reasons for ignoring someone’s situation because if it’s just because you are
uncomfortable then get over yourself. In
these types of circumstances it’s not about you but rather about making another
person feel acknowledged. Step out of
your comfort zone and just do it. I’ve
heard people say things like “I just felt like crying or I just felt so bad for
her I couldn’t say anything” but you’ll notice the “I” word. When you feel like that, give yourself the
reminder – it’s not about how you feel, it’s about acknowledging the other
person.
It’s also important not to
get caught up in the drama of the situation because then again it will just
become about you. Feel for the person
but don’t dwell on it. It’s a fine
balance to empathize rather than to put yourself completely in the situation
and begin to wallow in the person’s despair.
A person cannot survive that type of behaviour for very long because it
simply drains a person. The situation is
out of your control so it’s important to know how much to say and when to move
on either in conversation or physically out of the person’s space.
And all of this writing is
cathartic for me, reminding me to empathize and not get dramatic. I leave that for the critters.
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