Building a Better World Part 3

How can a person teach empathy and understanding as well as becoming non- judgmental if you don’t have those qualities yourself? First you have to recognize the lack in yourself (and yes, that can be a problem if you think you are perfect and no longer need to evolve as a human being . . . but I cannot preach to a stone wall) and then you research on how to release yourself from qualities that are actually weighing you down.

I was touched and surprised when my sister told me that I was a much better person than her because I always see the good in people. But I wasn’t always this way, when I was younger I could be judgmental (although I have always had compassion for the underdog and have always had a tendency to see both sides of most arguments). I think I mellowed out in my early 40’s and certainly by the time I was 50 I could see most people through a very rosy lens. I think what I recognized in myself was that I genuinely LIKED people. I have seldom met a person that I didn’t like (but I have) so it’s easy to go to the next level, becoming empathetic to whatever ails them.

Liking people, listening to people and genuinely being interested in them is a huge step in making your circle, your world a better place.  As Deepak so wonderfully explained in the latest meditation Youthful Energy, YOU are the WORLD because (and I paraphrase) your reality is your world. Does that make sense? So when you are at your best you reflect that into the world around you.

Ergo, reflect your best self, daily, hourly, minutely and wow, you are building a better world!

Now wasn’t that easy?

Building a Better World Part 2

I have never been married so I am not sure if any type of pamphlet is issued with the marriage license but I would suggest that one of the first steps in changing our behaviours is to build awareness around the responsibility of being a parent. Here are some things that should be in the pamphlet:

·         What are the values and principles you would teach your children? Recommendations include being kind to others, being unselfish, being truthful, respecting others, respecting other people’s property (i.e., do not steal), always do your best and be humble

·         Ensure you have one meal, every day, as a family where conversation is part of the meal

·         Ensure that you ask your partner and your child how their day went

·         Never go to bed without telling your partner and your child that you love them

It is perhaps not appropriate to include spiritual advice because that can be off-putting to many people regardless of their belief so I am still pondering a way around that red flag. However I do think there is value in guiding couples to explore the possibility of whether they would choose to be in a church, or would meditation be an alternative they would consider in order to mitigate their stress or other alternatives to nurture their spiritual

capacity.

I listened to a celebrity talk about what he does on Thanksgiving and he said that he loads up his plate and sits on the sofa to watch the game. I was shocked. Americans make such a big deal about Thanksgiving, so much so that it seems to take precedence over Christmas, that I could not believe that this person was not sitting at a table with his family! It’s one thing to see Cher and her girls in “Mermaids” lounge around to eat in a movie because you know they are dysfunctional but to understand that most people don’t eat at the table is appalling to me. Studies show that families who eat together regularly are happier than those who don’t.

So what are your values? What would you change? What would you like to talk about?

Building a Better World Part 1

There are many fantastic people in the world who not only want a better world but take steps to make that happen, one child at a time or one issue at a time. In the recent O magazine there were several profiles of individuals who did just that as volunteers and as their second job. We can’t all do such big steps perhaps because we don’t have the time, the personal tools or talent to do that.

Bear with me as I muddle my way through the pondering of the past year as it relates to all the negative personal characteristics of people who ought to have behave in a very different way from the path they chose. Here are some of the questions I ask:

·         Why would people in such a high position behave with such low morals 

·         Why do voters choose poor candidates when the evidence of their values is before them

·         Why don’t parents know who their children are

·         Why do we accept low standards in our schools

In the end the answer to all of them is simply that some people do not care a rat’s ass about anyone or anything but themselves until they are affected by the bad behavior. Even then, as we see in the case of St. Michael’s College, some parents would rather close their eyes, keep their children in an “elite” school and even ignore the fact that their child is getting a broomstick shoved up his ass. These are the families who become “leaders” in society so, surprise, this is what we get, abusive misogyny. While it seems incomprehensible to us mere mortals the evidence is coming out fast and furious. It staggers the mind.

I hold to my opinion that while we ordinary folk may be flawed we are essentially good people who simply want to be happy and who want to raise happy, good children. The trouble today is that while we have these rather vague hopes we don’t have the tools, time or proper intention to make these hopes into concrete reality. The result is a couple of generations of adults who have no true moral compass, no guiding set of values or principles but instead have a sense of entitlement and selfishness that has never been experienced in everyday society before.

But I have a possible solution.

2017 is Ringing In

Happy New Year.  Auld Lang Syne.  And so on and so forth.  As the Christmas season came upon us I started writing about what life was like a century ago but somehow it seemed much too cliché or pat or irrelevant to post.  And it was depressing.

Instead let’s try a different approach.  I woke up this morning.  Good start to the new year, I am alive.  The house is warm, the lights are working, and there is food in the cupboards and milk in the fridge.  The stove works and the kettle will soon have the coffee ready.  There’s still money in the bank and Canada is at peace.  Day to day is looking pretty good.

This year Canada celebrates 150 years of Confederation and citizens are getting a few perks like free passes to the National Parks.  Cities are planning events and I am having family from Europe for a visit.  Friends and family are rallying to entertain guests.  Summer plans look very good.

Costing out hens and bees; assessing building of hives and fences.  Checking on trees and bushes surviving the winter.  Customer base is viable and expanding.  The summer gardening season looks promising.

The Christmas pile of books look inviting, the study schedule at Yale is exciting and the writing skills are limbering up.  The imagination is primed, the humour is in perfect order, the inspiration is around the corner.  The brain activity is in high gear.

Friends abound in good wishes, invitations are starting to come in for the new social seasons, lunching here and brunching there.  The book club is meeting again and conversations are lively.  Mother’s brain is still in order and there is no need for silver bullets this year.  Cooking and baking recipes have been reviewed and hosting parties will soon be viable again.  The social hat is ready to wear.

I would say that 2017 looks very promising from a personal perspective.  I hope your mental review of the new year’s prospects are as nice as mine.

Karl Marx Was Right

Typically one starts the new year off on a positive note but this year I am going on the warpath in a big way.  Colour me angry.

Let me begin with a comment on the Old Testament; with a god like this vengeful Jehovah and with the behavior of these so-called righteous prophets all I can say is “it explains a lot”.   In 2016 I have decided to read the Bible cover to cover in one year and the first 6 readings and I am so disgusted I wonder that anyone can handle this story telling and call it good.

Parallel with the reading we have the wonderful news from the Middle East.  No Christmas holidays is complete without turmoil in the Middle East but this year we got a nice smattering of beheadings in Saudi Arabia and Iran is screaming for “justice”.  You know what I feel?  I feel that I am so sick and tired of trying to feel the right thing, think the politically correct way and now I say “no more”.  I don’t have to study anything or know very much about any religion or culture to know that BEHEADINGS IN THE 21^ST CENTURY IS WRONG.

All this namby pamby politicking in the Middle East is just so much bullshit.  The Western world has catered to the Middle East for economic benefits and what I say is that there should be a complete and utter severing of all economic ties to all of these primitive countries until they get into the 21^st century.  The United Nations, NATO and any other organization that is supposed to be holding up democratic and civilized principles are hypocrites to not condemn in the loudest and most profound terms all this crap that is going on in all of these nations. 

Religion is one of the problems, but it is not just the various sects of Islam, it is also the various tribes that is part of the problem.  Karl Marx called religion the opium of the people, I think that Islam is the crystal meth of the Middle East.

Peace on Earth in 2015

Who wouldn’t like to start a new year with the wish that there would be peace on earth?  This is not at all an original sentiment, furthermore we can all suspect that it “ain’t gonna happen” as my bête noir Victor Newman would say.  In order for the wish to be meaningful I have given much thought in order to approach the goal so that it could be achievable if only in a small way. 

Have you ever stopped to consider how often you find yourself aggravated by little things in the course of a day, even though you may not even express the frustration or even be completely conscious of the feeling?  Another habit that people have picked up over the decades is a way of speaking sarcastically to a person rather like being in a sit-com.  Of course you “are joking” but really the sarcasm can frequently be very unkind.  So here’s what I thought, how would it be if each day started on a positive note, no sarcasm, no random meanness came out of one’s mouth and whenever something became irritating, one should think kindly of England. 

Okay, perhaps not England, one should think about why the aggravator is doing the thing they are doing to annoy you out of all reason.  Let’s face it, no one has probably died and even if it is the lunatic driver on the road giving yourself high blood pressure by honking, cursing and otherwise telling the fool off is really not going to help anything.  Take a page from my friend’s book and say “he is a very special person” which means all of the above but you aren’t really saying it. 

I’ve been known to have a “potty mouth” so for the last year I have been coaching myself to forget curse words and find alternatives.  One of the things that I’ve noticed is that it is much easier to restrain the curse if I slow down in my response.  Why do we have to speak at a rattling rate anyway?

If we just take one day at a time, make our own sphere a place of peace, which could have a ripple effect and if it doesn’t, accept that it is beyond our control.  So I end with John Lennon’s words,

Imagine all the people, living life in peace.

 

Rambling Morning Thoughts

It’s still early morning, I’m having my cup of Joe (by the way, when did coffee start getting a name) and doing my radio show quiz.  Then I read the radio show’s news feed and answer their daily poll.  Today’s poll question was “do you think they chose the right pope in Pope Francis I”?  Lucky for me there were three options, the last being “I don’t care” so naturally I chose that (being non-Catholic).  I was quite surprised to see that 58% had also voted that they did not care.  I happen to work with quite a lot of Venezuelans so of course they were pleased to have a South American pope since they are also Catholic.  I also have a number of friends who are Catholic so the poll surprised me because I was out of the normal hoop, I suppose.

       Now the above was a politically correct thought but the truth is that I was surprised because my observation of people is that most often they follow like lambs to the slaughter.  Especially in Canada we have a tendency to approve, nod and allow whatever happens to be the flavour of the day.  Sorry Canadians but it’s true.  We are an extreme example of docility.  Just saying.

       Well, for some reason my mind wandered off in another direction – oh that’s right, there was a picture of a blade of something green growing and I thought “oh, Earth Day is coming up” and then I went to google the date.  Sadly on the official site there is no obvious place to find the date.  Instead they have a time clock counting down 37 days, 6 minutes, 22 seconds and I said “that’s too much math for 6 a.m. on my day off”.  Exit that site and there on the front list on google was the date April 22^nd.  Be more alert, Sanne.

       While searching the Earth Day site there was a statement “A great president would tackle global warming” which triggered some irritation in me.  I am not Obama’s biggest fan since I was Hillary’s number one supporter but give the guy a break people.  He inherited a government that was already in crisis, the housing market and banking scandal were already beginning before he took office and you want him to worry about polar bears?  Are you kidding me?  The country is in a fiscal crisis with the jobless rate at a record high and let’s face it, the President is dealing with a Congress that is filled with lunatic non-thinkers.  He has no time to think about global warming except at a very elementary level.  A great president would find a way to overcome the insane structure of the American government model. 

       That’s my thoughts on this early Friday morning.

Listen, the Wind!

That is the title of one of Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s first books, about her navigation experiences with her husband but it is a phrase I say often to myself as a Chinook blows in over the western mountains.  We are having such a wind today and I find it unsettling with poor concentration being the outcome. 

       Notwithstanding that perhaps talking about feeling unsettled is the premise for today.  A person may set a goal for the day but find that time spins out of control for a variety of reasons with the end result being nothing that was planned gets done.  It’s important to not feel frustrated when this happens and though it may be a platitude things do happen for a reason.  If the wind drives you to distraction so that you cannot concentrate on the task at hand perhaps the best thing to do is take that distracted energy to use as exercise or something else that does not require focus.  Whatever the outcome of the day brings try not to despair that it was a wasted day because something, surely, came out of the day, if only a weak sense of survival.

       There are days when I simply crave for quiet, to find some good reading material and sink myself into the book while shutting out the rest of the world, including my own brain.  I then pick up “Gift from the Sea”, “The Four Agreements” or “Simple Abundance” as my comfort food.  Calibrating my life back into focus in a gentle sort of way, leaning on the wisdom of others who came before me.  Then I have a mental sigh of peace and feel that I can go on with the day, my life, the new task at hand.

       Life is survival.

2013 Resolutions for a New Year

I took a read down memory lane with the past 2 years January entries, in all modesty sometimes I really surprise myself.  J  I skimmed through some blogs by others which brought this conclusion “everyone has something to say, and occasionally it is powerful”.  When I think about your basic run of the mill person, Every Man or Jane Doe I believe that they genuinely want to be good, they want to live life well – not as a celebrity or by living the high life, but simply to do good and be good.  We are ordinary people who sometimes have extraordinary things to say, do, be.

       I have a wonderful example living with me.  My mother.  Here is a woman who has lived a very quiet life but if you had occasion to speak with her you would realize that she has also lived a remarkable life. 

·         Born in 1933 she was the first born of the second marriage of her father to his brother’s sister-in-law and so 2 sisters were married to 2 brothers and the family was knit together in a way that lasts to this day.  Family Ties.

·         Denmark was occupied by Nazi Germany in 1940 but despite this truly suppressing ordeal my mother lived most of the time oblivious to the dangers.  Her oldest brother was a saboteur in the underground and risked his life countless times but for Mor he was just her older brother.  Resilience.

·         She finished school at 15 but went on to night school to complete her secretarial / bookkeeping courses (standard for her day) and maintained an A average throughout this time even though she held a full time job as an accounting clerk at the same time as well as a busy social life.  Educated.

·         Married her soul mate, bore 7 children, supported her husband’s career with constant moves first in Denmark and then in Canada.  Endurance.

·         Living by example my mother raised 6 children who believed her to be the Rock of Gibraltar and if she was not at home when we came home from school it was a national catastrophe in our little world.  My mother never took sides, never spoke ill of anyone and yet she could discipline us without any qualms.  Earth Mother.

·         She will sit quietly and then suddenly make a comment out of left field.  She’s been thinking or remembering and then she shares her thoughts.  This is new for her as while Dad was alive he was the dominant talker in the family but even then she would often share something that surprised me but which stayed with me forever.  Mom has her own brand of philosophy that makes her an Individual.

Just some thoughts on how each person who is in our life has something valuable to share with us, if we’d only “listen”.  Now there’s a resolution.

 

Meditation

Yesterday I spoke about meditation and today I want to give a little lecture on the value of meditating.  As chance will have it, the latest O magazine has Oprah discussing in her “What I know for sure” column that skipping her Gratitude journal has left her unbalanced and ragged.  I’ve noticed this phenomenon myself.  When I write something in my gratitude journal I feel much more mellow as I start my day than when I neglect this part of my daily routine.  Sarah Ban Breathnach has said “it is NOT an option” with regard to keeping the gratitude journal.  She found that of all the things she learned in her pursuit of Simplicity this was the one ingredient that could not be avoided.

       So step one in any meditation program; keep a gratitude journal DAILY.  This will put you in a mellow, gentle frame of mind.  You are now prepared for the next step; if possible start with a yoga practice but if this is not possible, then go to the meditation process.  I prefer to do the yoga because it makes me mindful of my body and leads me gently into the breathing for meditation.

       Do I hear alarm bells going at the thought of deep breathing and sounding “oum oum oum”?    Have no fear as this is not a requirement of meditation as I experience it.  At the end of my yoga practice I will sit cross legged, holding out my arms and folding in my fingers and I simply take my breaths and silently breath out “blessings”.  It does sound strange and when I first read about it I thought “I can’t do that” but I was willing to try.  I was completely amazed at how tranquil I felt afterwards.  It’s not mandatory, but be a dare devil and give it a shot!

       Next, find a place in the house where you can be alone for 15 minutes (minimum) and here you can simply sit and think.  About whatever you like.  Imagine, 15 minutes of Me Time.

       Does the idea of being alone with yourself scare you?

Girl Power

On the C-train there are posters which talk about empowering girls because 10.11.2012 was the International Day of the Girl.  Except for me reading the “Because I am a Girl” posters I have heard nothing about this day.  There was nothing on my radio station which boasts round the clock news, there was nothing on our TV station on that day.  If there was it went by so fast that I missed it.  No one of my acquaintance talked about it.  Why?

       Girls were in the news though.  On October 9^th Malala Yousafzai, the 15 year old Pakistani activist, was shot in the head by an assassin.  On October 10^th 15 year old Amanda Todd committed suicide after years of bullying.  Just not the kind of news anyone would want to happen.

       I was born in the 1950’s and was blessed with a very liberal pair of parents.  My father in particular raised me to believe that I was capable of anything and he taught me to view the world without the limitation of gender differences.  When I was only 17 he used me as an example to break down the barriers at the government agency that hired the federal meat inspectors.  I spent my Easter break in my senior year of high school working on the kill floor at Burns Foods in Winnipeg.  Then I wrote the examination to enter the lists as a federal meat inspector, got the interview and became the first woman in Canada to go on the list.  Just to prove a point.

       When I was 9 my father asked me what I wanted to be.  I said a nurse.  He said I was smart enough to become a doctor and I went through the rest of my public education with that goal in mind.  It never occurred to me that become a doctor or a lawyer was breaking through genders because I was raised not to think in those terms.  I had no idea that I was being raised in such a liberal environment until I started hearing from my friends that my parents were “very young” and “very radical”.  Really, my parents?

       Four decades later I realize that while there have been great strides made in the Western World regarding women and their opportunities the rest of the world is not keeping pace.  Even within our own country there are areas where women still haven’t reached parity with men.  The biggest gripe is still fundamental; wages in almost every sector still show a disparity between male and female employees.

       So we still have work to do to continue empowering girls and women everywhere.  So let’s make the second year of International Girl Day a little more widely known.  Mark your calendars!

Researching a Beautiful Mind

That’s the title on my latest Alumni magazine which has inspired this thought process, what is a beautiful mind?  There is the razor sharp mind of a scientific research, the inquiring depth of a philosophical mind, the visionary beauty of an artistic mind or the driven energy of an athletic mind, to name a few types of minds.

       For me a beautiful mind is one that is interested in questioning the universe, the perceived truths and the obviousness of life.  It is a mind that loves simple natural beauty, that loves honesty, that honours friendship and that appreciates goodness.  A beautiful mind can enjoy a joke, can cry at pathos, can celebrate the victories of a normal life.

       A beautiful mind is someone just like you.

Surprise Roommate

My readers have likely been wondering why I have been silent for the last few days.  The fact is that I have been terribly busy because I now have a new roommate.  On Wednesday night I got a call from my mother announcing that she was finally ready to move.  Oh, when?  Tomorrow.  Where?  Your house.  Fortuntely I was lying down when she made the announcement.

       Just joking.

       The truth is that all 6 of us siblings have been vying for my mother since my father passed away 11 years ago but she was pretty stuck on staying where she was.  But the last few months she had started to say she was ready to move but just couldn’t make up her mind.  I told her that she needed to give us some warning so we could prepare and that was The Plan.  You know how it seems to go when I have to have a Plan.  Things always go awry. 

       So here we are, me moving things out of rooms, my sister and nephew moving things in for Mom.  Then there was groceries to bring in.  Orientation of the kitchen.  In between we had to lie down to recruit our strength.  Then there were dishes, dishes, dishes to be washed.  My mother is a fanatic about having a clean kitchen and no dirty dishes in the sink.

       I got on the scale for the first time in five days and was considerably nervous to look down.  Luckily it was status quo but only by a miracle.  Mom is cooking great dinners for me but they are healthy with fruit desserts so that is probably why I haven’t gained (yet).  I am being spoiled rotten and loving it.

       I am also super popular with the siblings now.  My phone has been ringing non-stop since the word got out that Mom is here.  Of course, I have to turn the phone over to Mom after one sentence but that’s okay. 

       The pets are having a hard time adjusting, or so I thought until I noticed Thumper siddle up to Mom and meow for a petting.  I told Mom she should be delighted since it took Erik a year to get to that point with Thumper.  And he’s the friendly one!

Six Word Memoir

The latest O magazine has a section on writing a Six Word Memoir on yourself.  Interesting.

       “I continue to learn, evolve, share”

       That’s the one I came up with and I hope it is fitting.  At least I can grow into it if it doesn’t totally fit me right now.

       It’s these little nuggets of gold in O that make me continue to buy it even though it is not the treasure chest of gold that it used to be.  Not only do I love discovering the secrets that makes others who they are, I love excavating my authentic self. 

       Is that last sentiment true, you wonder?  No, I hate it.  The trouble is that I publicly pretend I am Pollyanna when secretly I know I am Nellie Olsen.  At least, that is what I get every time I start looking at excavating my soul.  When I hear “long term goals, short term goals, your mission statement” I feel like turning to run screaming to the nearest ice cream vendor for comfort food.  Put a piece of paper in front of me with the word GOAL at the top is like sticking a needle in my eye.  It is painful and to be avoided at all costs.

       And yet.  And yet I love reading the exercises, and I think about them in my head.  I toy with thoughts.  I evolve stories about myself that I want to be true.  But as soon as I have to actually put anything down on paper I have a mental freeze up.  Do I really want to tell the world (or the assessor in the seminar) that I am obsessive compulsive, that I stole money from the cookie jar, that I am a lousy housekeeper or that I think I am the next Margaret Mitchell?  NO.  There is a word called ‘fantasy’ and it allows us to believe in fairy tales of our own making. 

       And yet here I am; I have created a Six-Word-Memoir – true or false yet to be decided!   

New Beginnings for 2012

I am not big on resolutions, most years I don’t even make any but it is nice to start a new year with some fresh ideas and enthusiasm.  Last year I wrote a bit about how I felt with resolutions; that one should seize the moment rather than wait for a milestone date to start something.  I still believe that, however it doesn’t hurt to turn over a fresh page simply in attitude.  When one goes back to work after the holidays it is nice to feel a little more energy is going with you to the office

            I am also not one to lay a lot of faith in predictions although I enjoy listening to some of them.  I am pretty basic in believing if you guess enough things you are bound to hit the mark once in a while (this is sometimes called the Jeane Dixon effect).  So for me what I expect from 2012 is more political scandal (how hard can it be to go wrong on this one?), the Canadiens will take home in the Stanley Cup (it could happen!) and it is going to rain in June in Alberta.

            But with a new year started I would like to take a new approach with my blog.  I will try to build some structure into it and fly by the seat of my pants as I so frequently do!  Brace yourself for some philosophy, life lessons, quality lives, rhapsody to nature, childhood adventures, poets, humour, the material world, what women really want (not Mel Gibson), Growing Old vs Growing Up and  . . . the journey thus far.

            If the structure appears a bit heavy ease your mind, having read me for the past year you know that this cannot last, that the humour and irony of life will pop up whether I try to suppress it or not!  For the last week I have been reading Emerson (oh yes, I am starting off on a heavy foot) and this morning the old chap has inspired me to wax eloquent on Friendship.

            Not only have you heard of a Fair Weather Friend but you have most likely experienced that sort of “friendship” in the course of your life.  You may also have been betrayed by a friend or thought you had a friend when really you were met with opportunism.  Emerson consoles us with this thought “it never troubles the sun that some of his rays fall wide and vain into ungrateful space . . . If he (the lost friend) is unequal, he will presently pass away; but thou art enlarged by thy own shining”.  Some friendships may be transient but rather than regret the passing of a friendship simply think about what was good while it lasted and then bless yourself for those friendships that are unshakeable and true.

            I am blessed with a circle of friends that are true and faithful.  I quote again “if you have one friend you are rich.  I’m rich.” 

            Isn’t that a great note to start 2012 on?