Honesty

I’d like to write a bit about being honest. You know, it is really challenging in this world we live in to keep one’s integrity intact and that includes being honest. I had a fender bender in a parking lot this past weekend, my first accident ever in nearly 40 years of driving. I confess I am not sure who is at fault. I know that I was driving very carefully and watching what I was doing. The red truck was suddenly behind me and ding, I was hit. I am almost certain he swung out from the other side of the lot, backing into me. But the driver took off then saw that I got out of my car so after leaping out, asking me if I was hurt, checked his car and all was clear and he leaped back in his truck and took off. I was so stunned I didn’t know what was happening. I stood there for a minute looking like an idiot with my mouth open, amazed that he took off like that without telling me his name or giving me his information. I was uncertain about who was guilty since I had been backing out. Yet the more I thought about it the more I suspected that he must have been backing out also. In any event, he had been driving like a bat out of hell to have suddenly appeared like that because I had only turned my head for a second to catch sight of the child who had been making a fuss with his grandmother ensuring that he hadn’t got loose and was getting near my car.

Now I could have lied to the insurance company but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After I told them the story they said that I would lose my 10% no accident discount “but I wouldn’t have it go against my record”. Excuse me, but isn’t taking away the discount going against my driving record? Taking away the discount assumes that I was guilty of an accident, doesn’t it?

I am so angry at the way insurance companies handle claims I wish I had lied and said I had simply been dinged while I was inside. But I hate lying and I pride myself on not lying. Lying is cowardly. But I am also thinking that by not lying I am being really stupid. I could simply have got away with the lie, I know I could. Now I understand why so many people do lie. But my pride is too great, I have to be stupid and honest. We pay an awful lot of money over the years in insurance but the companies are vicious when you have a claim.

Am I seeing this all wrong? In 40 years of driving I must have paid around $30,000 in insurance (just for cars). $1800 repair shouldn’t be such a penalty against me, should it? I wasn’t on the highway for heavens sakes, I was in a parking lot with a fool. Okay don’t say it, I was a fool too!

I know in another week I will have got over my anger and frustration and I will be glad that I was honest about it but even now I am still irritated that I am being penalized. I could have not reported this and just paid the piper myself but I pay insurance to be protected against accident so it’s foolish to not make a claim when it is more than the deductible, isn’t it?

Accidents are accidents. It wasn’t careless driving, it was an accident. Honest is honest. I know I will feel better about it but gee whiz I feel like a chump!

Keeping integrity is a balancing act!

Another Monday

Fitting myself into the autumn routine is easy enough but Monday mornings I find it hard to get that total enthusiasm one has on a Saturday morning. I feel like there are a stack of responsibility bricks over my head and I need to take them on all at once. I can’t just pull one off the imaginery shelf, look at it, solve the problem and slowly move on to the next one. No, I want to punch them all out of the way like a superhero dodging rockets with his fists. When I slow down, breathe and actually take a look at what I do in the first hour of my day I realize that I am getting things done and still giving myself time to get to work with plenty of spare time.

When I was in high school I always looked forward to Mondays when I would see my classmates again and start my social life. The weekends were my down time, studying and reading, school was actually Social. I notice with some of my older colleagues that their work is also their social time, particularly the men. Even though they are working diligently they are in the midst of people and that is important to them. Retirement is not really for them, at least not full time retirement. Hmm, I wonder if anyone has coined the term Part-time Retirement? Because that’s what I seem to see as a trend in my work environment. It’s very much a man thing. I believe women can handle retirement much easier than men, at least I like to think that I can handle it.

Monday mornings I just wish that the old retirement bell had rung for me. But now I have a count down, 3 years 9 months; when I feel stressed or put out; 3 years 9 months. Somehow that seems to make it more real and accessible. Just like a little kid counting down to Christmas or summer holidays. I was reading my manuscript yesterday before I got started on my long session of writing and there was an epiphany moment in the writing which concerned taking more breaks over the next few years. Naturally I forgot about it within the week but fortunately I’ve now been reminding myself that I need to do that. I need to grit my teeth even when the unexpected expense comes up and still give myself permission to take a break. Let go of being Responsible all the time. Sometimes it’s simply important to cut loose the money purse and dole out a bit for some rest and relaxation. I won’t go bankrupt if I spend $500 on a weekend a couple of times a year, for goodness sakes.

And isn’t that a blessing?

Screech in the Night

Have you ever noticed that when you make a comment about something not happening it inevitably seems to happen the every next day? I had commented on hardly seeing much nature this summer and since then there seems to have been a circus of animals around the house. Early this morning was no exception. I was woken from a doze by a wild screech from a cat and since Thumper had sneaked out last night I was immediately leaping out of bed and running out the door. Only I had to turn back to turn off the alarm, quiet the dogs and then go fetch a flashlight because it was still pitch dark and I was afraid I’d run into the mouth of a coyote. Naturally I was unable to find or see anything. There I am in my pajamas calling to Thumper and feeling the dew falling on my face but all was still. Once in a while I could hear leaves falling from the carriganna bushes but otherwise, silence. At last I gave up and headed back to the house. I stood by the door and what did I see, Thumper popping out from under the deck. He’d been watching my shenanigans in secret, little devil. One of these days . . . .

In Danish we have a word “fornemmelse” which can be translated as a feeling, sensation, impression but often used meaning an intuition and while you can say “I have a feeling” when I say it in Danish “jeg har pa fornemmelse” it has more meaning because the feeling is a deeper type of ESP kind of intuition. I have a fornemmelse frequently about various things and what I find is that when I don’t listen to that feeling I regret it. Sometimes the fornemmelse is far in the back of my mind but it’s there and when ignored, sure enough something regrettable occurs. When analyzed one can say “well, you knew that result would happen because it always happens”. True enough. But sometimes the fact that you think an event may happen is the main part of the fornemmelse which is the irritating part. I knew that if Erik came to the house sooner or later one or both of the critters was going to get out even though they had been grounded due to the coyotes being about. It wasn’t Erik’s fault because he was being careful about keeping the doors closed but just one split second and that big lug was out like streaked lightening! Once out he flaunted his success to his brother and as for me, he was almost grinning. Little devil.

After my oil change this morning I swung into the grocery store to pick up some ice cream for my dinner and what happened? I got a fender bender. My first accident ever. And something told me to not go into the parking lot since it was busy. It was a hit and run. I should have listened to my fornemmelse instead I joked at dinner that we were eating very expensive ice cream.

Such is life.

Motivation, Momentum and Big Brakes

I’ve had terrific momentum in the exercise program and my writing program but last night I got the big brake job when my brother showed up to finish putting up the screen door. Such is life.

Did I let it stop me though? I was still energized from the night before so I did the work with Erik and then went back to my workshop writing! I have developed my mantra:

If I succeed, I keep writing

If I fail, I keep writing

Whether I feel interested or bored, energized or tired, encouraged or discouraged

I keep writing!

We’ll see how successful this mantra is as the weeks progress but as I have it posted all over my office I think I should get a good kick in the pants whenever I walk in here!

I checked out a couple of other writer’s blogs (good lord, my heart nearly stopped beating. I am hearing footsteps on the roof above my head and I immediately have visions of Nightmare on Elm Street or those other gruesome movies. I hope to heaven it is that big orange cat I’ve been seeing lurking around the neighbourhood. It’s much too heavy to be the magpies that I usually hear - shiver). Back to the writers blogs; I was pleased to note that I have been much more regular with my writing than they have. True they’ve written a book and I haven’t but what the heck! This is about the momentum and motivation (and now I hear a band of coyotes singing, that’s probably why the cat is up on the roof; smart cat. Thumper and Cherie will be staying in today)

A few days ago I wrote about the fact that I hadn’t seen as much Nature as usual and here it is 4:10 a.m. and my heart has been bouncing around with scare after scare! Never a dull moment in the countryside! So what was my point regarding motivation and momentum? If a person has the motivation to do something then the work can be done and a momentum can be created by being consistent in their habits. So every morning I make my coffee and toast and sit here in the office and try to think of something interesting to write about to keep my followers happy. But also to keep me in the habit of writing. Stephen King in his book “On Writing” says what many other writers (including one of the blogs that my classmate posted a while back) say, write, write, write. If you want to consider yourself a writer you must be writing every day, or at least consistently (and that doesn’t mean once a year). The Bronte sisters wrote all the time, from tiny tots onwards and just look at what they gave to literature! My coach is pushing us onwards with her 30 day challenge.

Good habits can be as hard to break as bad ones so set out to create the good ones. After all, today is another day!

While looking for a picture of a coyote I saw one of a poor, emaciated one and that image will be with me all day. Nature can be cruel.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Reader’s Digest has a regular section titled “Laughter is the Best Medicine” which has a number of humours anecdotes. Last night I had a teleconference with my writing coach and a meditation expert (Pragido Dove) talking about laughter meditation as part of our writing process. Let me tell you that it was the most interesting experience I’ve had in a very long time. Imagine that laughing for 30 seconds and then being silent in meditation for 30 seconds could bring about a positive vibration that lasted for the rest of my evening (another 90 minutes before lights out) and even as I lay in bed waiting for sleep I felt fantastic. Not only did my body feel wonderful but I could really feel positive energy in the room. It was remarkable.

Now we’ve all heard that laughing is good medicine, that it can release a lot of tension in our body and make us feel better. My family has a great sense of humour and we laugh a lot when we get together so I never thought to actually try laughing alone and then begin a meditation. I will tell you right now – try it. What can it hurt? The sensation is something you will never forget and will want to embrace again and again.

Are you afraid of the meditation process? All I did last night was close my eyes when Pragido instructed us to and just breath. I hardly had a chance to think about anything (and that is good because you are supposed to NOT think during meditation). I was sitting on the floor doing the laugh and then the meditation as I do think that is the best way to feel loose and relaxed. You can start with just 30 seconds but you can do a one minute, five minute, and so on up to as much as you like but you should do an equal amount of the laugh and the meditation. To start the laughing process, in case you find it hard to do, you can stand up with arms raised above your head and shout yahoo three times and then begin to laugh which makes it easier. Who can resist laughing at one’s own actions? I was simply sitting on the floor and shouted out the yahoos which worked great for me.

Go to www.discovermeditation.com and from there Pragido has a link to Laughing Buddist Network which is free to join. I am not a guru after my little session last night but let me tell you I AM A BELIEVER. I have never felt so wonderfully POSITIVE. After the teleconference I did my little writing practice and it was all about the conference and how positive I felt. What I’ve written this morning is brand new – that is how enthusiastic I am.

Karen thank you for a life altering experience! You are the most amazing writing coach ever. Check Karen out at www.frontroweseat.com

When I'm happy the butterflies come out!

Great Teachers

The great teachers of ancient Greece Socrates, Plato and Aristotle are foundation stones for all teachers who came after them. Roger Ascham was tutor to Elizabeth I and a notable scholar whose prose style was emulated for centuries. Einstein, Descartes, Kant, Ayn Rand, Stephen Hawkings.

What are qualities of great teachers? Caring, enthusiasm, love of learning and love of teaching are some of the qualities that make a good teacher. Engaging the students’ interest and challenging them every day, that makes for a great teacher.

Did I have a great teacher during my education? No I am afraid I didn’t though I had some good teachers. Mrs. Miller could strike terror into our hearts in Grade 3 but she also managed to knock information into the roughest head but my recollection of her does not include caring or enthusiasm. Mrs. Beattie was a caring teacher and was, indeed, my favourite teacher. She allowed us to go to the back of the classroom to get a book to read on our own whenever we finished our current tasks. After lunch she often read to us and when I think back on it now she must have loved literature herself because she chose some terrific books. I remember her reading us The Incredible Journey and she made it thrilling long before the movie came out. My next teacher was Miss Bailey, an elderly woman who taught quite a bit of religion to us. Every Friday we had a religious hour where we learned bible stories. I don’t recall them being particularly sermon like or instructive and I actually enjoyed learning about the different characters from the bible. That was grade 5. In grade 6 I got a man teacher whose name was Mr. Axon. He was a nice teacher and had great control of the class. He could be fun as I recall but he also could be a bit of a jerk. He’s the one that called me George because Mom sent me to school wearing pants.

I never had a truly inspiring teacher but my parents always said that my brother John and I had good teachers who were experienced which my other siblings didn’t have the good fortune to get. I think today the University of Lethbridge turns out some really great student teachers and I hope they all get the good luck to land in permanent positions when they graduate. I think it is a crying shame that our government doesn’t invest enough funding in education to give our children the best possible chance in life. We ought to be creating leaders, thinkers and remarkable doers for our future.

What else really matters?

Fresh Start

Here we go with the first week of September, a fresh start for scholars and those who stay in tune with the school cycle. Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time sorting through all my scribbling and organizing them but I didn’t quite get to the evaluation process due to family commitments. So I’ve been sitting here at the computer for 20 minutes trying to come up with a theme. For some reason I thought of “As the twig is bent so grows the tree” so I did a little surfing and stumbled across a booklet about the blind. These were little articles published in 1958 though I think some of them may be older than that. One of the articles was about a gentlemen who became a Director for the State Commission in Iowa, Kenneth Jernigan, where he discussed his struggles with whether or not to use the handicapped parking space that was offered to him. It was a constant temptation to use the space that the security guards offered to him but he felt it wasn’t right to use the spot when there were people who simply were unable to walk further than he was capable of.

“Self deception is one of the easiest and most dangerous mistakes that a person can make.”

He was sorely tempted when the blizzards started but no, he was an example to his students as well as to the public in general. He was an advocate for the blind but he knew what was legitimate needs for the blind and what was excess. I found it an interesting article on doing the right thing even though others were perhaps trying to lead you to take an easier route. He wrote that the security guards were hurt when he continually declined their offer to take the handicapped parking spot and sometimes would end up walking quite a distance in the storm. He could hear the hurt in their voices and that would hurt him, however he remained steadfast though inside he was struggling away.

I’ll end by using his ending:

“So my Federationism [the work he did] and my bodily comfort, my wish to be honest and consistent and my wish to be polite and thought of as a good fellow in short, my spiritual aspirations and my bodily desires were in continuous conflict. What do you think I did? In the circumstances what would you have done? Whoever says that the world is not filled with temptations (for the blind as well as for the sighted) is either a naive nincompoop or a barefaced liar. Of such is humanity made neither angel nor devil but somewhere between, and always becoming.”

Storytime

Alice Hoffman is one of my modern favourite authors. I’m currently reading “The Story Sisters” and find it as addictive as usual. However I was thinking about the storyline which is similar to so many stories that I’ve been reading over the last few years where the protagonists all handle their hardships in unattractive ways. This is Pollyanna coming out in me I suppose but I do think about every day people who suffer through all sorts of difficult situations, job loss, broken marriages, unsatisfactory children and yet they don’t turn to drugs or alcohol nor do they lie, steal or cheat other people. They carry on working, pay their bills and somehow manage to come through on the other side in one piece, integrity intact. It is actually surprising how many people truly do handle hardship with real grace. These are the unsung heroes of the real world.

I think everyone, no matter how charmed their lives might appear to the outside world, at some point in their life they have or will undergo hardship of one kind or another. Some may handle it better than others, some may cry more than others and feel sorry for themselves but most of them won’t resort to crime, drugs or misuse of others to survive. Bending rules, maybe. Alcohol, maybe. Breaking marriages, almost certainly. Yet they are ultimately good people, strong people, admirable people. I don’t think there are enough stories about simple human frailty. It always seems to have to be over the top frailties. I guess I find myself getting uncomfortable with that kind of story. I hate stories about drug abuse (yes this one is about drugs) because from anything I’ve ever heard it doesn’t end well in real life. I can already see the rest of the story in this particular book and I find it sadly disappointing.

I think with wonder on the fortitude of our forebearers, what our grandparents and particularly our grandmothers endured in their lifetimes. Both my maternal great-grandmothers were incredible women, wives of seafaring men who raised large families, suffered the loss of children at sea, worked hard all their lives and never spoke a harsh word to another human being. I find it remarkable; their forbearance was legendary even outside our family circle.

Now that’s the Pollyanna in me.

Energy 101

Let me say right off the bat that I don’t have the answer to Energy, at least not the complete answer. I do know, however, that having interests to keep a person busy is a key ingredient in having energy in your life. When I read biographies I find that the subject has led an interesting life because they have passion for what they are doing but as a rule they also have other interests to occupy their time.

I’m not lacking in interests but I have a very unusual “condition” which I seem to have inherited from my dad. When I work on a project I like to see the finish line ahead of me. So if I take out my paints I would like to have the project finished over the weekend so I can pack up the gear and not have it lying around. And that is just plain wrong. You cannot make a great painting in a couple of days. I seem to like biting off more than I can chew when it comes to hobbies. I have that “excessive” gene of my dad’s where everything has to be bigger and better just because! So when I planned this weekend I had the idea that I would overhaul the house completely forgetting that I don’t have the same strength or energy level that I had in my 30’s or even 40’s. I feel slightly downcast – only slightly because I recognize my problem and know that I can take a little chunk at the time and get it done by end of September. No longer will the cleanup be done over a long weekend. That’s just the way it is.

Letting myself off that hook also allows me to focus on another task while I am “resting”. I’ve got several books handy and I will peruse them to outline new subject matters for me to write about. I really think it is important to remind oneself of the philosophy “one day at a time”. As an eager beaver myself I know that it can be disheartening when you can’t get it all done at once so having the reminder front and centre ought to help us keep focused and to not be discouraged. I find myself straining at the leash just thinking the words “one day at a time”. Oh dear, life is such a challenge.

Labour Day Weekend Dawns

The sunrise was tardy and even then was disappointingly dismal due to rain clouds still hovering on the horizon. I am now seeing a sliver of sunshine so perhaps David Spence and I will not get divorced this weekend. I was making breakfast and while I was waiting for my toast to pop I was admiring my apple tree where the apples are looking bigger and redder than last weekend. Perhaps I will be able to harvest them on Monday and start making applesauce and pies with them. It’s a bumper crop for me although that would mean perhaps 50 apples. Sadly this part of the country struggles with fruit trees due to the Chinooks. Nature is confused in this part of the world. So are people!

I haven’t seen much in the way of wildlife this year; the deer from last weekend was the first fellow I’ve seen in my yard this year. Usually they come visit me several times during the summer but I believe the wilderness of weeds in my back 40 have deterred them (or perhaps that is where they are hiding and I just can’t see them?) I haven’t heard any coyotes this summer which seems odd and the magpies have all seemingly disappeared. I had heard some shotgun firing in July so perhaps my neighbour took to shooting them. Down the road a ways I have seen a lot of quail, at last I think they are quail. They look a lot smaller than the pheasants I usually see lurking in the shrubs. One day I did see a creature that at first I thought was a racoon (I was driving by rather quickly) but afterwards thought it might be a badger. It was quite huge. That is one creature I am deathly afraid of. My father told us farmers in Denmark would go out with coal in their boots to hunt badgers because those devils would bite into a person until they heard the crunch of your bones. Shiver. That just creeps me out. I saw some in the zoo once and they were screaming, irritable creatures. I hurried past them.

We’ve had masses and masses of dragonflies this year. First the bigger blue ones and lately they have been the golden orange, smaller ones. I’ve also had a lot of white butterflies (really they are moths, I know) this summer and now I see the smaller orange moths. My rose leaves have been quite chewed up but this year I left them alone as I think it does more harm to treat the plant than have insects eat them. The result has been some really gorgeous long stemmed yellow roses. Go figure! And my once pale pink roses are deep red this year due to a good dose of horse manure, I’m thinking. My evergreen trees have taken a huge leap forward which is likely due to the unusually wet season we’ve had.

There is no breeze stirring the leaves on the trees so I think it’s a good time for me to go for a long walk before I start my weekend chores!

A Quest

I love a challenge and when I’ve been given a project I jump in with both feet hearing bugles as I go forward. I can also find my own projects because I loathe chaos and have this overwhelming need to find a solution. I’m an expert at solving other people’s problems and am baffled when they don’t take my advice.

You can probably see where this is going, right? It’s Friday, the start of the Starting Over month and last night was a severe disappointment in my Motivational Talk Mode. That’s right, I was still sitting on the coach at 7 p.m. from whence I lay in a hot tub for 20 minutes, got out, put on my robe and then talked to my mother for an hour. Somewhere between 5:20 and 9:00 I was supposed to run on my treadmill but that did not happen. Did it even cross my mind? No. I did accomplish two things, my search for documents for 2 different institutions. Found, put in my carryall and ready to send out this morning. Whoopdee do.

This is where the “quest” comes in. I am in search of the ultimate motivational tool. When I read about Other People who die of heart attacks and other fatal diseases simply because They were not paying attention I can do the great tsk, tsk routine. For some reason I never see the fingers pointing back at me. Alright, that isn’t true, I am not a stupid person and naturally I recognize my shortcomings. I have all the energy in the world in the morning, after all I am A Morning Person in the ultimate sense of the word. By 2 p.m. I am fading in the energy department. I’ve heard that eating an apple at that time is supposed to boost your metabolism back up so why do I not eat an apple? Because I am too lazy to actually chew? I don’t even have the energy to slice an apple?

As a morning person the ideal would be for me to get in my exercise before I head off to work but that means sweating like a stuck pig and it takes several hours to dry my sweat soaked hair. I just don’t want to go to work looking like a dripping red tomato. That doesn’t do anything for my self esteem. I need to find a rocket to get me off that sofa at 6 p.m. Better yet, I need to not sit down in the first place! I need to break myself, break myself of this 25 year old habit of eating dinner in front of the television set watching pap. If anyone out there has the solution, I am all ears. (and eyes). J

September

So here we are, the first step towards autumn with the Labour Day weekend coming up in another day – and I’m not ready. It’s like the little child dragging her footsteps across the bedroom floor while Mother stands in the doorway tapping her foot. You know something bad is about to happen and you just want to delay the scolding as much as possible. That’s what the last days of August are like and the first days of September. Eventually we get accustomed to the chill in the air but even now I am resentful of the dark mornings, the nip, the browning of the lawns, leaves falling on the ground. Last night I noticed that it was dark before 9.

But, and there is always a bright side, isn’t there? But, autumn does bring the rewards of the harvest, I have a really fruitful apple tree this year. I’ve had a bumper crop of gooseberries and raspberries and my flower garden has rarely been better. I’ve got the outlines of a fall agenda in the works and I’ve reloaded the batteries on the laptop to get the writing program underway again. I’ve already made strides into the cleaning phase for the traditional Labour Day weekend and the cupboards look tidy.

September is a starting over time, even though it is no longer “school time” for us adults most of us feel like we have been on vacation and can start a new page, whether it be diet, exercise, attitude, any regime at all, now is the day! And while I am doing the old “rah rah” let me just say that I want to send out positive waves of luck to all those students heading back to school. I hope you have a fabulous year; learn lots and prosper! Carpe diem.