O' Pioneer!

I would be more excited about our golf tournament tomorrow if I wasn’t driving a loaner car which has me completely paranoid. I practically signed my life away when I signed the agreement for the loaner car, I think they got 5 signature and about 7 initials on one piece of paper – I kid you not! I’ve been petrified to drive the car since I got it home on Friday! Now tomorrow I have to drive over to the golf course near the zoo and I am worrying about that already. I don’t know why I get myself so worked up but I always do when I don’t know exactly where I am going. When we drove there on a test run a few weeks ago I was in the cab and even though I was paying attention I know for sure I will never find it on my own. I hope to heck that my co-workers are going to be able to navigate me over there or we are seriously in trouble.

People keep telling me to get a GBS but I am almost as afraid of that as I am of driving to the unknown. A pioneer you could never call me! Goodness nature is taking a turn today! Let’s hope the weather is decent tomorrow! I’m just looking on my carpet and I notice a bunch of leaves around the office. I had the window open earlier and apparently the wind was so bad that the leaves blew through the screens!

I’m sure if someone else was doing the driving I would be enjoying our big tournament tomorrow. I’m not much of a golfer but I do like being outdoors on a great day. Here’s hoping this nervous lizzy makes it through tomorrow! Clear sailing after that!

Mourning All My Children

Yesterday was the last episode of All My Children which ended as a cliffhanger. I thought that was perfect because the storyline leading up to the end was a bit sappy with the nasty character of Dr. David bringing back characters who had been dead for years – Dixie and Stuart. Zach’s body had never been recovered so we could let that one go. But there were implications that Babe might be alive, they never resolved that one. I liked the beginning where they blended old and new clips of the families but they didn’t do enough. They should have had a two hour finale and brought back everyone; Tara and Phil and her kids Charlie and Kate; Donna and Chuck, Kelly and Linc, Ellen and Mark with Devon and her kid.

Oh well, it’s over now and I can concentrate on One Life to Live which will end in January. It has more time to come up with a better ending though I am not impressed with how they’ve handled the double Todd storyline, knocking off the one Todd a.k.a. Victor was not good. Now what they should do is bring Dr. David to Llanview so he can raise Victor from the dead – it isn’t like that hasn’t happened already in Llanview!

They are putting a cooking show on called The Chew to replace All My Children. What is daytime television going to be like without soap operas? I can hardly believe that I am lamenting soap operas but the truth is I kind of enjoy them as escapist fare. There have been some really excellent storylines through the years where the soaps made ground breaking history. Soaps were the first shows to have integrated marriages, talk about cancer, talk about teen homosexuality to name a few. All My Children had the first legal abortion story as well as the first lesbian story in daytime TV. One Life to Live had the first gay teen storyline and was also the first show to talk about “passing” as white. That was Carla’s storyline when One Life to Live was still fairly new.

In the beginning soap operas were relatively normal shows about normal people, a lot of working class people that the audience could relate to. Over the years the storylines have gotten really ridiculous, first because actors who wanted off the show were killed off and then when they wanted to come back on the show they’d have to create a miracle cure or some other unbelievable coming back to life story. From there it was just one more step into crazy land. The Young and the Restless and The Bold and the Beautiful (same producers and writers) haven’t gone to that extreme. Instead they have the same characters of about 8 people just sleep until the incest is too sickening to endure. I do not understand how these 2 shows survive when my own soaps have much better stories and characters. They at least bring in new characters all the time so people aren’t sleeping with their sisters or nieces (or daughters).

It’s the end of an era when Erica Kane walked across the room – oh, before that, I screamed with laughter when Jack turned from the door and said “Frankly Erica, I don’t give a damn . . . “ a la Rhett Butler. Too, too funny. I bet he’s wanted to do that for years! Walt Wiley, you had the perfect ending!

Cliff hanger . . . .

Golden Daylight

Another gorgeous sunrise in the countryside. We are having beautiful autumn weather and about time too. It’s been years since we had a genuine fall that lasts more than a week or two. In Ontario the fall can last well into November but that has seldom happened here. It did though back in 1999 when I was back in school doing upgraded computer skills. During the lunch break I would go for walks down in the park and enjoy the crunch of leaves as I walked around the circle path getting all the fresh air and sunshine you are supposed to get to stay healthy. The air is still warm this morning, no frost overnight.

Oh my but autumn always brings back school days to me. I was one of those rare kids who actually liked school. Of course I loved the summer holidays but I enjoyed going to school too even though I often had butterflies in my stomach on the first day of school, wondering what kind of teacher I would have. Lucky for me I always had a nice teacher at last after grade 2. My grade 2 teacher was a real horror, very mean to me. I endured the humiliation of being spanked in front of the whole class (yes over her knee) I got spanked for listening. Yep, while the girl who did the talking didn’t get spanked at all. I never spoke in class again until grade 12 biology. When I answered questions the teacher had to ask me to “speak up” I was so quiet. My next 2 siblings were as quiet as me. Then along came Peter, my father’s child. My mother, who was herself a quiet woman, spoke up when Peter’s teacher asked her to make him be quiet.

“I’ve had the teachers of my three older ones tell me to have them speak up and when I finally have one that talks I will not tell him to be quiet. No.” I’m afraid Peter’s teacher didn’t like my mother much but by this time she was a seasoned parent and had had enough of unfairness with her kids. We never lied to our parents and Mom had gotten the story of peter’s little scuffle out of him before going to the interview so she stymied the teacher by asking her “did you ask the boys why they were fighting?” The teacher had to admit that she had not.

“Well I did ask my son he the other boy had stomped on his lunch bag, that’s why he was fighting with him. If it had been me, I would have put up a fight too.”

The teacher proceeded to discuss Peter’s marks. My mother asked, “and what is this mark?” Of course my mother knew what it was.

“That’s the class average.”

“That’s your mark, isn’t it? It isn’t much higher than Peter’s.”

The teacher was flummoxed and didn’t say any more. Mom walked out of the interview in triumph. Naturally Peter never knew the story until years later. It wouldn’t do for him to know that his mother had bested the teacher in his defence. But after that Peter was treated fairly.

Zephyr Moments

Have you ever had a zephyr go through your life? For some moments you are in a halcyon glow and then it’s gone and no matter how you try you cannot get it back. Forever afterwards you can look back on those moments and wonder, what if.

I’m looking south west this morning and I can see the sun casting light on the reaped field across the way turning it yellow. The foothills are black yet slowly turning yellow as the sun rises higher. There are wispy purple and grey clouds in the still dark blue sky but the zephyr is pushing them away. As I watch I’ve been thinking about those moments in my life when I’ve tried to get it back. One of them was a long time ago.

On my first day living with my sister in Guelph I rode the Greyhound bus to Waterloo. Being near sighted, but wearing glasses now, I still was nervous about when to get off so I sat down beside the guy in the front seat. I couldn’t help noticing him because he was wearing a great big sheepskin coat. We didn’t talk. As coincidence would have it he was also a student at the university so we both ended up on the same city bus. It was crowded. We moved farther and farther to the back. He got a seat. I stood up. The bus lurched. I keeled over backwards but he grabbed my hand and pulled me upright and then gave me his seat. He had an Australian accent. Sudden attraction! And just as quickly gone. He went his way and I went mine. But all day I thought about that hand grab and I was smitten.

I’ve had some great moments just watching nature and suddenly getting an epiphany about my life (or someone else’s). In a way those moments are like a meditation because I’m just quiet and aware of my surroundings in a serene way. We could all use more serenity in our lives. One of those times I was sitting in my little sports car out in the foothills just watching the cows move along in the field thinking about how my life was out of my control. I was just letting things happen around me and not being assertive with what I wanted out of life. I imagined how the border collies herded the cattle back home and it came to me that I needed to do some herding in my own life. Just like that. I drove home and called a realtor and started shopping for my own house. It was time.

Today I’m thinking I will just go with the flow, let that zephyr take me where it will. After all, today is another day.

The Hunger Games

Last night I stayed up late reading The Hunger Games and of course that’s what I dreamt about. I was sleeping up in a tree just like Katniss and almost rolled out of bed doing the upside down branch roll! Poor Thumper let out a big meow and leaped from the bed which startled me awake! It was pitch dark so I realized it must be midnight and went back to sleep only to end back in the dream. Don’t you just love a book that you can dive right in to and live the story? These days it doesn’t happen very often to me even when I enjoy the book immensely but this book is really grabbing my attention.

I love stories, shows, movies and articles about survival after the world has gone south (so to speak J ). It continues to fascinate me how other folks think people will react. Unfortunately they all think the same thing, that we humans will revert to the lowest form of animal. As I’ve written in the past I do think that humanity is disappointingly unevolved considering what individuals are capable of. After a lot of thinking about the cause I conclude that it is the few that are bringing down humanity.

The few being the greedy bastards at the top of the pile.

Did I say that out loud? Yes I did. The rest of us have the heart and the will to be good people but we are constantly manipulated by others with more money and more power who can control what we are supposed to be thinking. Few of us are raised up as individualists so we tend to believe what our peers believe. And that belief comes from generations of being taught status quo is good. This seems to be particularly true in Alberta. We can make fun of the hillbillies in Alabama but I am afraid there are people in Alabama more enlightened than some of the people I meet in Alberta.

Should I have titled this “How To Win Friends and Influence People”? Just think about our political process. Currently the Conservatives are voting for a new leader and it seems like one of the old guard may get in. Think about the fact that we’ve had a Conservative government here for over 40 years. Wouldn’t you think that it would be good to shake up the legislature and get new blood in just so we could audit the books? Seriously? Pretty much everyone in this province thinks that we are prosperous because the Conservatives were in power. Did you notice the fact that we started to get rich when Texas started running out of oil and suddenly Alberta’s oil reserves were the next best thing to gold? In fact, better. Agriculture runs a distant second in our economic equation.

My point is that people have come to believe this mantra as strongly as they believe the Ten Commandments. Thou shalt vote conservative or you will go to hell in a hand basket.

If the unthinkable happens and you survive the chaos left behind, how would you hope you would behave? Like a civilized human being or like an animal forced to kill other humans in the fight for food? The challenge is to think outside the box you were given and start looking for real answers in today’s world. Become an individualist not a follower.

Zeke Rakes the Leaves

Do you remember your Grade 2 Reader, when Zeke cleans up the leaves in the yard and at the end the children have a bonfire? Remember how Zeke put the potatoes under the bricks and everyone in the neighbourhood had baked potatoes after the bonfire? I just love cozy stories like that. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I enjoy yard work so much. As I’m working I reflect on old stories of how it used to be in the Olden Days, when people were neighbours to each other.

Today I think we have lost the feeling of being neighbours with our actual neighbours but we have transferred that camaraderie to our colleagues instead. People simply aren’t home long enough to become friends with their next door neighbour. Children rarely play outside so they only learn how to be friends in school. In school, like at work, there are barriers with friendships. You have to be in the same grade for example, to be friends. You have to be in the same group. If you don’t know your own group, the other groups will force you into one for you. Or worse, you will be an Outsider. At work it is not quite as harsh but I notice at luncheons or town hall meetings that the same people sit with their same group time after time.

I will be out in the yard today, putting away the last of the summer things and starting to trim up the bushes and trees. When I see the remaining dried up berries and the withered rhubarb I feel sad but I enjoy the sad feeling too. It’s more like nostalgia than sadness because I know there will be another spring and another summer. I always have hope that “next year” I will have a better garden. Last night I fell asleep thinking about how I will reap the seeds off the various flowers and wondering if I should sow them now or wait until spring. This morning I still haven’t found the answer except, sow half now and leave some for the spring in case the first sowing doesn’t take. That’s the nice thing about a big garden, there’s always enough for a Plan B.

Cats and Dogs

As I sat down to write Cherie came in and leaned against my chair, looking up at me with puppy eyes. Puppy eyes, you ask, knowing Cherie to be a cat? Yes, it’s those eyes that look at you with complete adoration and trust and a little beseeching goes in the mix as well. So what could I do but put him up on my lap while I sat thinking about what to write.

Loyalty and animal trust.

We humans take our pets for granted much too often when what we should be doing is appreciating their trusting nature every day of their lives. The loyalty an animal can show is so incredible that it should shame us as the poor humans that we are. The character of a pet is an admonition to us when we are behaving poorly because they forgive us unconditionally when we scold them or spank them or ignore them. They will still come creeping up to you and gave a wag of the tail or a twitch of the nose to tell you you are loved by them. Even a silly chicken will show faithfulness.

So as you start your day today remember to tell you pet that you love them. They understand the sound of that word because you cannot say it without tenderness. Love, love, love. See, you can’t say it with irritability or irony. It’s a tender little word and their ears perk up and their eyes go all silly and bashful. Shucks, me? Yes, even a cat can be silly.

Yesterday morning while I was reading my book in bed Thumper was cuddled on my tummy and Cherie came in, trying to squeeze up between me and my book. Thumper let out an angry hiss, Cherie leaped backwards so that coffee cup and dish went flying about. I scolded them as I leaped out of bed, running for a cloth to wipe up the coffee. They lurked at the bedroom door, sure that I wasn’t Really mad, nothing had broken after all! I let them go out to play after that and sure enough Thumper was again tardy coming home last night. I thought for sure he hadn’t forgiven me for calling him a big lump who was mean to his brother. But he came in, twirled around my legs and looked up asking for supper. Just like a puppy.

How can you stay mad at that kind of trust?

A 30 Day Writing Challenge

We are 15 days in to the writing challenge (actually I’m only 12 into mine as I started late) and I’m not sure how I’m doing. I’ve been writing every day but I am all over the map. I’ve written monologues and I’ve written short stories. I don’t know if that is good or bad but I will say that I am very pleased with my short stories since I feel that my imagination has come back, just a glimmer of my former self but it is there. That makes me happy. My coach is saying that we have to be kind to ourselves but it is very hard not to be critical of one’s own writing. We want it to be perfect and enjoyable for others.

A friend of mine once said “Susanne you need structure.” It was such an insightful thing to say and I was only surprised that I hadn’t recognized it in myself before she said it. It’s true, I do best when I have a goal in mind, when things are organized, when I have a proper schedule to make it happen. If I don’t have that then I am all over the map and that makes me crazy. I like a Plan.

So let me tell you a story about one of my Plans. Many years ago I decided on a Financial Plan. I was going to save this much money and not spend on this or that and then at the end of the year i would have This Much Money in my Savings Account. I worked diligently at it when suddenly we had one of those famous Chinooks blow my eaves trough down on both sides of my house. Alright, I have insurance so I called to get the trusses repaired. Unfortunately I had a $500 deductible which had to come out of my hard won savings. First mishap. No sooner had this been repaired than I had a frightful episode whereby a vandal had smashed in my side windows in my car. Another $500 deductible. I was in despair as now my savings were all drained. I threw my hands up in frustration and said “enough with the Plan”.

My family will tell you that I do not like a Plan to go awry, it frustrates the heck out of me. That is one of the reasons why I dislike taking on a project that takes more than a day to complete because I don’t like the idea of having something beckoning me to finish the next day especially if the next day is a work day. So if I want to paint my bathroom it has to be when I have several days to work on the project so it will be finished before I go back to work.

Given this side to my personality how does the idea of a book project work on my psyche? Surprisingly well because I am not completely anal (?)!!! Sunday mornings are now dedicated to the Book Plan and I know this will work well because I already nest on Sundays. I’m not big on gallivanting around on Sundays but the problem is to hunker down and have my thoughts assembled for the marathon writing. Currently working on my 14^th year which ought to be interesting as it was a very topsy turvey year – 1967!

A Broken Vacation

So what is a broken vacation in this context? That’s when the weekend arrives and you can’t go “Yahoo, I’m on vacation” because you have to go in on Monday to sort things out. Then you can say “Yahoo I’m on vacation” for all of 6 days! 9 days vs 6 days.

That being said “Yahoo I’m on a broken vacation”!

I slept in until 7:30 this morning while Cherie and Thumper sat on my shoulder and my head trying to make me get up. Finally they gave in and curled up beside me and fell asleep again. At 7:30 Cherie poked me in the eye indicating enough was enough. Slow and easy coffee and toast in the sunroom, putzed around my flowers and then schlepped to the office to think of something to write about.

So where did vacation come from? As far back as Egyptian times there were rich people who took vacations from their regular home base. However I was very surprised to learn that William the Conqueror created the summer vacation break for the universities to facilitate the harvest way back in the 11^th century! For the middle class family though vacations weren’t common until the middle of the last century and even then they would usually go to a local lake or cottage area for a week. The lower middle classes never expected to go on a vacation until when? I can’t say for sure. When I see movies from the 1960’s it seemed everyone went on some kind of vacation. It was very American or Canadian. It was unheard of in my family. I was 18 years old when I went to Denmark for 4 months and that was my first vacation in my whole life. Seriously.

On this vacation I plan to stay home to do the autumn shutdown of the garden, do a little harvesting of apples (apple pies and apple sauce are on the horizon) and perhaps tackle the indoors as well. Somewhere in all of this I will squeeze in a few hours to loll on the deck with a good book or good company. I like quiet time alone to reflect on life, enjoy the nature around me, and make things perfect for the winter. I know it won’t last but I enjoy the effort anyway.

While summer is my favourite season I really do enjoy a warm autumn. When I visit my sister in Ontario we would go for walks in the woods and that is the ultimate autumn experience. The variety of trees makes for the most glorious display of fall colours, reds, oranges, yellows, browns, purples while here we have yellow and yellow. Pretty dull comparison but the crunch of the leaves is just the same. I like the crunch of leaves under foot and the whole idea of the earth going to sleep for a little while. Sometimes I wish I could do that too, just hibernate over the nasty winter months and wake up to the sweet smell of spring.

Vacation - here I come!

The Wealthy Barber

Do you remember the book “The Wealthy Barber” that came out in the 1980’s? Well he’s back with an updated version of the book. I wonder what new suggestions he will have in this book? Will there be a whole chapter dedicated to electronic gadgets and how much we should really be spending in this area?

I noticed a commercial yesterday that tells us that if we have a 4 year old computer we are obsolete. Really? You mean instead of hearing a “ping” in the middle of the night I will hear Mozart? How does that enhance my typing out my blog? Earlier this week we got a new PC rollout that upgraded us to Windows 7 and Office 2010 a move that I seriously dreaded. As it turns out it wasn’t as horrible an experience as I expected but still other than looking pretty what has really improved in creating a ribbon instead of a toolbar? I knew Word and Excel inside out and could whip through my toolbar like magic and do my work in no time. Now I have to search and think things through. Don’t get me started on the numbering (I have to say that Microsoft has not got a handle on this function, it appears worse than ever before but perhaps the training will tell me something different. I await with bated breath this revelation.)

My carpool buddy’s wife joins us three days a week. For the last month while she sits in the back seat she is fussing away with her new toy, a Samsung Gargoyle (cellphone). Half the time she isn’t getting her messaged, it’s breaking down, she has no internet and God only knows what is else going wrong with this gadget. I sit quietly in the front but inside my brain is going WTF? Who needs this kind of frustration? First of all I don’t see an urgent need for a cell phone but why would a mature woman with n infant need to have a gadget to play Angry Birds or whatever? Why does she need to know how many calories are in buttercups while driving home after a long day at work? You can’t wait until you get home to look this information up? While she is battling away with this sucker she is missing out on all the exploits along McLeod Trail. Neal and I are puzzling over a license plate CRTRMNI – what does that stand for? We pull up alongside the vehicle and Neal makes me roll down my window. Then he signals to the chick at the wheel.

“Hey, what does your license plate mean?”

The girl laughs and says “Even my mother didn’t know what it meant. It’s my mini (some kind of dog) name – Carter Mini.”

We laugh, wave and drive on when the light changes green. Lisa missed all that and asks “what was that about?” She was buying an App. OMG, buying an App.

At work our payroll department sent out a notice saying that Sunlife now had an App. I sent Lori back a note saying that I wouldn’t get excited until they have an App for “WORK”. When an App comes out that can let me do all my work from the comfort of my bed I will run out and get the latest cellphone gadget! Lori said if I could invent that one I wouldn`t need to work, I`d be a Wealthy Admin.

You heard it hear first, folks. I have the BEST ideas.

Meanwhile, stop and look at the sunrise this morning!

Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Steinbeck

These three names are big in 20^th Century American literature and everyone has their favourite. My dad liked Hemingway but Steinbeck was his favourite. I don’t particularly like Hemingway’s writing, I like some of Fitzgerald’s and I simply adore Steinbeck. I think John Steinbeck is a very under valued writer. He won a Pulitzer and a Nobel prize and yet I say he is under valued? I think the general public hardly knows his name in comparison to Hemingway and Fitzgerald that’s why. Why do I value Steinbeck so highly? Because I think he was so diverse in his writing style that it amazes me. This man wrote The Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. He wrote Of Mice and Men, Tortilla Flat, Cannery Row, Sweet Thursday, The Red Pony. Then he wrote The Wayward Bus and Travels with Charlie. Those are just his most famous works; he wrote something like 30 novels nearly all of which I have read.

His work is both admired and disparaged by critics. But the fact is Steinbeck could tell a good story and he could see the flaws in humanity and laugh and cry at the same time. That is real life in the midst of tragedy there is humour. He made heroes out of the most unlikely of men. Who can ever forget Danny after reading Tortilla Flat? Who appoints people to be critics and what are their qualifications? What criteria do these critics use for basing their opinions? For the average reader readability and enjoyment are the top criteria. Since Steinbeck still sells, I’d guess that he is still a great writer.

So why this topic? I was thinking about how people judge each other at work. Just as each author has his fans based on his subject matter and writing style so we should look at our colleagues and realize that everyone’s workload is quite different from the others because the bosses have different methods of working. A person should never be hasty in criticizing anyone but one should be even more sensitive to one’s colleagues because we just don’t know what is floating their boat. One would be better off appreciating others for their differences and if they are just too different to the point of setting your teeth on edge, you should avoid them. But be gentle with them.

Just my thoughts this morning.

Illusions

Have you ever wondered what other people’s lives were like? Maybe even envied their lifestyle? When I was younger I would sit at the very front of the bus and watch as people boarded. Often I would wonder about their life, especially when they looked either very rich or very poor. Occasionally a person would board and all the time be chatting away so those people also caught my attention. When you ride the bus regularly you get to know certain people even though they will always be strangers to you. When I say you will get to know them, I mean you will recognize them and make up a story about them in your head based on their talk, clothing and the story you’ve created for them.

In high school I was always one of the quiet ones but I didn’t keep my head down. I observed my classmates and did the same thing with them as I would later do with the bus riders. I assumed things about them based on their talk and their actions. Years later I discovered a few things about making assumptions. You can be wrong, so wrong. I watched some of the girls walking the halls at school and thought how very confident and popular they appeared. Now the truth comes out that they were as shy as me. I learned that there were a lot of lonely people at school even though they appeared to be so popular. Now that still surprises me. And there were some people who were even newer to the school than myself and yet they had tons of friends. That also amazed me. Some people are like that, they blend so easily into a situation.

So why am I talking about illusions? Maybe because I watched a new show last night called “Ringer” starring Sarah Michelle Geller. She is playing twins and Bridget who appears to be the loose cannon recovering addict is discovering that her socialite sister Siobhan is not the person she appeared. First episode was very good. Needless to say I figured out what was happening as soon as Bridget woke up alone on the boat, it had Double Indemnity all over it.

I’ve made a lot of stories up in my head about my colleagues, based on observation. I wonder how wrong I really am about them. Probably just as wrong as when I was in school? Or have I learned a little bit more over the years? One thing is for sure, I almost always cut them some slack and find “excuses” for them when they act a certain way. Some days I am a lot like Melanie Hamilton “maybe he’s walking along the road and maybe some good woman is sharing her supper . . . “

You know what I mean?