A Rose by Any Other Name

Rose is another friend from my Felesky Flynn (FF) days.   I actually knew Rose before Marie as we were on the same floor and she was very helpful in teaching me technical formatting when my own assigned “buddy” was too busy to help.  She also helped steer me through some politics though Rose is generally a quiet and tactful person who doesn’t like getting involved.  So we had that in common right from the beginning.  Once Marie started getting us together we found we had a lot more things in common.  Rose and I love reading (this seems to be coming a theme, doesn’t it?) and I also found a lot of interest in her children and their reading.  Rose began giving me some books that took me in different directions which started me thinking about my new circle of developing friendships.  But more on that a little later.

Rose was also the person who brought to light an aspect of my personality that I had never recognized before.  Epiphany Moment.  She was talking about something in her own life and my “advice” to her was somewhat of a vengeful nature (I don’t recall that actual situation) and Rose observed “Do you know that when you react it is often I a revengeful way?”  I was stunned but as I say, it was an epiphany.  While I almost never actually go through with the vengeful act it is indeed my first reaction.  “You should do this, or say that” and it is not a nice method.  To say I was shocked AT MYSELF is an understatement.  I thank Rose for putting me wise to myself and I take care to keep that vengeful side in check.  Don’t get me wrong, I have seldom found that my first response is not “righteous wrath” with that Biblical vengefulness of the Old Testament salting me reaction but I NEVER act on it.  I happened to mention this enlightment to the gals at one of our weekends and Marie said “Rose keeps us humble” which I took to mean that Rose has not been shy to mention characteristics in other ladies.

 

I think that is a good thing as Rose doesn’t say it to be mean – she is observant and bides her time when she thinks it could be the right moment to let the wisdom fall.

Also I must add another humorous side to Rose.  On our very first road trip I happened to be chatting about toilet paper which I always stash in my car in case of an emergency “incident” and I used the phrase “all my mother’s daughters” have had to go in the ditch at some point.  Rose asked “why did you say it like that?” and I asked “say what?”  “ALL MY MOTHER’S DAUGHTERS?”  um, well, I don’t know, it just seemed like the thing to say.  Rose, who has 9 sisters, thought it was priceless and uses it often in her own family circle now. 

So hey, I can have some influence too.  Friendships are a circle, not one way streets.

An Awakening

Silvia had moved to Alberta but we both worked long hours.  Except for Blaine and Silvia I had no other  friends that I saw.  Correspondence with Ninette and Marj was as lively as ever but my social life was driven mostly around my family and the business for the next few years.  I took joy in my nieces and nephews.  Work took a few different directions over the next 12 years (1988 to 2000) which kept me on my toes.

Then with my father’s sudden death on New Year’s Eve of 2000 (going into 2001) I had a true wake up call on social life.  All Mom’s children were sitting with her in her house and while we were sad we were comforting her and she looked around at us “kids” and said “I am so glad I have my children”.  The way she said it and the way she looked sent an arrow into my heart.  I realized that for Mom, her children were her life.  And I got another realization, I had no children of my own.  It came upon me that as I got older I would be alone if I didn’t take some steps to gain new friends around me.

This sounds crazy, almost “mercenary” but I went on a mission to find friends in my new life in Calgary.  I had started working downtown the year before and had met several nice ladies that I got along with very well.  Some things happened and the next thing I knew I was working in a new law firm and shortly after that I went on a course with another lady.  Marie.  We bonded that day and I found a warm hearted, lovely person who went straight to my heart.  Marie took the first steps in creating the friendship but I was really thrilled to be included in her life.  She is the first person who invited me to her home and let me social WITH HER HUSBAND.  Until I met Marie I had no married friends except for Silvia and Ninette, my BBFs.  As single girls everywhere experience, once friends marry it isn’t long before we are ousted from the friendship fold.  But Marie is generous and has no fears that she will lose her man.

Marie steered me through the politics of the law firm and introduced me to Rose in a new light (coming up next).  She and Paul introduced me to wine making and later on when they bought their retirement home in Blind Bay she kindly took the “FF Gals” for what would become an annual Girls’ Getaway every May Long Weekend.  Currently the oil industry crisis, my illness and the other girls’ lives have halted the Get Away but we make up for it in Lunches, Lunches, and Brunches and Facebook with Marie to stay in the loop.

I know this is a friendship that will love forever and this little blip in logistics is just that, a blip that will soon be overcome.

My cup runneth over!

The Revenuer

One day I got a called at the water plant from a gentlemen who introduced himself from the Revenue Canada agency and when I heard the words my heart sank.  What now?  As it turned out it was about my dad’s interview talking about starting up a brewery and Blaine was in charge of Excise Tax.  While he was polite he was a little stern when he asked if we had applied for our permit.  Since Dad was a great one for going ahead without having all his ducks in a row the answer was a big fat NO.  Dad may not have heard of the phrase “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” but he certainly lived by that motto!

I explained to Blaine that we hadn’t actually started but we were just going through the first steps to see if it was a viable expansion.  Blaine very kindly offered to come down to Nanton and assist us with the application and when we met it was one of those things.  We just clicked as Blaine was a very nice, helpful guy.  As things progressed on the Appaloosa Beer project we got friendly and it wasn’t long before Blaine asked me to dinner.  While a romance did not take place we found we had lots in common with movies, books, people and just plain life.  Sadly we are on opposite ends of the political spectrum but Blaine is not aggressive on that score and he "allows" me to go on as nauseum and only smiles.  In the beginning I actually thought I was winning him over but alas, no.

Blaine and I have been through tough times, me with losing our business and he with losing his parents quite tragically a few months apart.  We are there for each other, talk regularly and go on lunch and movie dates often.  Two years ago we went on a day trip to Dickson, Alberta and had a wonderful time seeing a Danish village.  A year before we went on a trip to Drumheller and had another fantastic trip.  Now we are planning a bigger trip to Nova Scotia and hoping that my illness won’t hold me back.

It’s wonderful to have friends who help “stretch” one to other things because the truth is that if it wasn’t for Blaine I would probably never do a road trip.  Driving long distance in a vehicle is not really my cup of tea but Blaine makes it fun!

I am blessed once again.

Another Cousin Who Became a Friend

When I was going on 17 my mother came to me one day after having received a letter from her sister-in-law Elly.  Tante Elly asked if I would be interested in writing to her daughter Birthe who was learning English in school.  Me, want to write a letter?  What’s the address and can I have a stamped.  We started an enthusiastic correspondence both so happy to meet each other and learn about what life was like on the other side of the world.

Birthe and I had many things in common, we were close in age, loved western shows and the same type of music.  On my birthday though she didn’t realize for many years that she had introduced me to a lifelong love of amber.  She sent me a gorgeous amber pendant necklace made from a stone she had found on the beach near her home.  I was enthralled not just by the beauty of the piece but also about how amber was made and that she could find it on the beach!

I have a somewhat large collection of amber now, earrings and pendants but no pins or bracelets or even bead necklaces.  Those are the pieces I seem drawn to and I wear them a lot.

When I went to Denmark at 18 Birthe and I also found another common interest; we loved to dance and those were the days of discotheques so we were always running off to some club or other.  Never anything too exotic or wild but lots of fun.  It was many years later before I realized that Birthe was actually one year younger than I as we had to be 18 to get into most clubs!

Our correspondence waned a little after this, life gets in the way with husbands and babies but whenever I travelled to Denmark we always connected again as though no time has passed.  And since my diagnosis Birthe and her 3 siblings have been amazing sending me beautiful parcels of the things they know make me happy in my Danish-ness.  Who knew how much a beloved cousin can remember about my lovely of Danish jam, Laeso salt, marzipan (well, that is a given I suppose) and Christmas elves?

It is wonderful to know that cousins can also be friends and these are connections that never break.

Collegues Who Became Friends

After high school it was some time before new friends came into my life.  In 1973 we moved to Kitchener and the folks I worked with in the 2 jobs I had there were much older than I so friendships did not develop outside of the workplace.  Then in 1974 I started university and because I was 3 years older than my classmates I had some difficulty in connecting with them.  Not to say that I didn’t have friends but only within the workplace.  It wasn’t until I moved to Calgary to join my family that I eventually found another lifelong friendship.

In 1978 I started working in a lawfirm and there I met Janet who became a mentor to my in learning computers.  She was actually the only staff member who had a computer while the rest of the legal assistants still used electric typewriters.   Fortunately for the accountant she had an electric adding machine and not the comptometers that I used when I worked my first summer job in the livestock office in Burns’ Livestock office in Winnipeg!  Janet was a real whiz kid on the computer and she was generous enough to show me how to work the computer.

At first the legal assistants were eating their lunches in the lounge but it wasn’t long before I discovered that unless Bertha was there to instigate card games (this is where I learned to play a mean game of Hearts) often the conversation became a bitch session about work.  Janet and I took to going out shortly after eating our lunch and walking outdoors.  In the winter we took to eating in the Devonian Gardens on the 4^th floor of what was then Scotia Centre.  One of our mutual interests was a loving of reading and I must confess that Janet had me beat for her speed reading.  She frequently read more than one book per week but always at least one.  She would lend me her books and introduced me to Robert Ludlum and Janet Cox Speas (books which she later gave to me as she ended up with duplicates).  My family also enjoyed reading these freebie books!

Janet eventually transferred over to another law firm and as I had reached a peak I the salary range she encouraged me to make the jump.  Unfortunately the lawyer who hired me ended up leaving one month later and I was assigned to someone who was not a good fit for me (my nice way of saying he was kind of a jerk).  At the same time the company I had co-founded with my father and brother was taking off (Nanton Pure Spring Water Co. Ltd.) so after a year I quit the company.  Janet and I remained good friends and she would let me join her other Nova Scotia friends when they all went hiking in Banff.  Ah, those were good times.

Janet ended up moving back to Nova Scotia about a year later and we corresponded regularly, eventually dwindling to Christmas letters but this past year we have reconnected again via emails.  For someone who enjoyed computers Janet was slow to embrace email correspondence!  J

Once again, a lovely, dear person who I am proud to call a lifelong friend.

Marjolaine

Shortly after Yvette joined the lunch group she asked if Marjolaine could join us.  Of course, we said.  Marj was never in any of my classes but once again we have been friends since we met; phone calls, letters and many visits back and forth has kept us good and genuine friends.  In our golden years we have so much in common in how we handle our retirement with lots of socialising and keeping active in various ways.

Marjolaine was super instrumental in helping me organize our first class reunion at the 25 year anniversay.  Between Marj and Pete Smalley we managed to get more than 100 attendees to the first reunion.  The reunion came about in this way.  I called Silvia and asked “have you heard anything about a high school reunion?”  The answer was no.  Little did I know that reunions in Winnipeg for high schools is extremely rare but I felt it was important to have one (me and my movie lore).  Marjolaine worked for the telephone company so she was able to track down many folks while Pete was in touch with quite a few who had moved away from Winnipeg.  Added to that Marjolaine had what I thought was a bit odd habit of checking the obituaries!  (something she did even in high school).

My classmates will know that the reunion was a huge success and we have had 5 year reunions (and even ones in between the 5 years) ever since. Several folks took over the organizing but have allowed me to be an honourary committee member while Marj is a hands on helper.

Now you have my 5 high school friendships.

And Then There Are the Ones Who Pick Me

In grade 12 a mature student came in to my life via Biology class.  She tells the story of how she saw me come in to class one day and she thought I “was dainty”.  She saw me in the gym during lunch hour and asked to join Silvia and I (Ranee lived close to school so would go home for lunch and join us later).  I said sure since I knew her from class.  Silvia and I were fascinated with Yvette because she was nearly 7 years older than us.  She taught us a lot about the rules of dating and what was “permissible”.  AND THAT’S ALL I’VE GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT.  J 

Yvette was so lovely as to hook us up with some fellows who would take us to Grad because of course in Grade 12 even before Christmas every girl was concerned about getting asked to Grad otherwise it was impossible to go.  (Yep, those were the days when girls seldom asked out a guy and heaven forbid if you went dateless to The Grad!)

Yvette went on to marry her date and I went steady with his cousin for about half a year (but that’s another story).  We were pen pals for a while after I moved and then she moved first to Colorado and then to Phoenix.  Even though we were not the greatest at writing we stayed friends and last year before my diagnosis I had the pleasure of visiting Yvette in Phoenix with another mutual high school girlfriend.  Once again Yvette’s wisdom finally taught me how to make fudge!

And Yvette introduced me to my next friend!
 

My Trinidad Friend

Shortly after meeting Silvia a young lady from Trinidad moved to Winnipeg and landed in my home room as well as in a science class with me.  Otranee, better known as Ranee,  became the third in the “hallway trio”.  Every morning Silvia and I would be early birds at school and would hang out at a particular corner in the various hallways at Windsor Park Collegiate.  Ranee would join us before the bell and we would share our news, thoughts, but seldom real gossip as we were not part of any wider “crowd”.  It was probably a good thing although I have had a Pollyanna belief that when I was in school there weren’t “Mean Girls” like those we see movies or now hear about via social media. I’m probably wrong but fortunately for our group we did not experience ill treatment from others.

Ranee was my first “racial” friend if you will although I never saw her like that.  To me she was just a nice girl who I enjoyed talking with.  She had many interesting experience to tell us about Trinidad and she taught me about “lime” poetry.  She also had Silvia and I over playing on her brothers’ musically instruments.  I liked the drums and got pretty good at a couple of beats while Silvia strummed guitar.  Ranee is really big into her music today as is a couple of her brothers who I understand are very successful.

Ranee and I lost touch for a few years when she married a fellow Trinidadian and moved back to the island for several years.  She had a very dramatic life there but eventually made it back to Winnipeg and we reconnected both at the reunions and on Facebook.

Once again – I can only say, I sure know how to pick friends!

Day 4 of Friendships

My other “Best Friend” is Silvia.  I always feel torn or weird by saying I have two “best friends” which seems like an oxymoron but the truth is that Ninette and Silvia have been my best friends since I met them.  Silvia I met when we were 16 and we became friends when I looked across at her while we were in the library “studying” after our History class together.  I made a comment about how ridiculous Catholics were and then, as an afterthought asked her if she was Catholic.  She nodded yes and then grinned.  After taking my foot out of my mouth we both giggled and started our friendship on a note of humour.  
Silvia has been in my life through high school and beyond to this day.  I was lucky to have her first move to Kelowna after we moved to Calgary so I had a few trips out there and she would fly out to Calgary.  A few years after her marriage she moved to Calgary which has been such a blessing to have her so close.  Through children, grandchildren, illness and working woes we have empathised, shared and advised.  We both agree that "old age ain't for sissies" but we are marching through it as best we can. 
To be blessed with two super best friends has got to be like winning the lottery.
But there is more to come!

June 3

Through my childhood I had many “best friends” but they were not lasting since we moved a lot throughout my youth.  I recall my first really good friend when I was in Grade 2, her name was Marilyn Greenhill and I stood up for our friendship in the face of bullies.  They were attempting to force me to abandon my friendship with Marilyn because she didn’t have a father.  I was not to be bullied and stood boldly against the girls by using my strongest weapon “My father says . . . “  in this case “that I can have any friend I want”.

Then there was Heidi and Cindy (sisters) and “Little Susan” when we lived in Burlington.

My longest lasting friendship came when we moved to Montreal when I was 15 and in Grade 10.  Ninette was in my homeroom class as well as in my Art class.  We were friends within the first week.  Ninette was simply the kind of girl who could smile and win friends.  She has a fantastic sense of humour and I remember how she would insist on staying in the lunchroom until she had finished eating her banana as she refused to “look ridiculous” eating a banana in the hallway.

My dad got transferred back to Winnipeg at Easter time in March of 1969 so Ninette and I only had about 6 months of school friendship.  However, we have had nearly 50 years of faithful correspondence often writing once a week not only in the first fever of the correspondence but even in later years.  In the past year Ninette has started telephoning me almost weekly because for a while I was unable to even hold a pen in my hands never mind write.

We are so in sync with each other that often we will both be reaching for the phone at the same time and when we corresponded we frequently would cross letters in our impatience to tell each other something “important”.

Ninette as an example of a true friend, never judging and always in good humour, at least with me if not with the world.  We have so many interests in common and as her husband has marvelled more than once “it amazes me that you can be friends with someone for 50 years when you only knew each other for a few minutes at the age of 15”.  But when you know you’ve met a kindred spirit you hold on to them for dear life.

Salute to one of the longest friendships of my life.

June 2 - My Sister

My next best friend was and is my sister Jeanette.  We are “twins” for 5 days between her birthday and mine every year.  From the moment she was born she became my shadow.  When she learned to walk she would run behind me, her little diaper flapping because they were always a little big for her.  My parents would call her Uncas to my Chingachgook and the neighbours would grin.  When we were 3 and 2 Mom would give me money and her large tote and off we would go to the store (only a few houses down from our apartment building) and I could remember to order 4 items, pay for them and tote them home with Uncas, I mean Jeanette, behind me! 

As we got older and 3 brothers were born I always said “my sister” to such a degree that when the youngest one was born it took at least 4 years before I could shake off saying “my sister” as though there was only one.  But because of the 14 year gap between Charlotte and I in some ways during those teenage years there still was only one sister.  Jeanette and I would play together even when we were outdoors and amongst other kids.  We were often a team and would organize the other girls to play rather intricate games that included acting.  I recall one time Jeanette and her girls were the Indians and my team was the fair maidens in a stage coach.  Jeanette was so convincing at attempting to scalp us that one of my gals screamed and ran home to her mother.  She wasn’t allowed to play with us any longer.  (true story)
We would be so intense into our game that oftentimes common sense went by the wayside (well, I only remember one really bad moment when I drew with magic marker on 2 of my friends and both their mothers were mad at me for over a month and I got a terrific scolding from one of them before going  home and being scolded by Mom.  How was I to know the ink wouldn’t wash off?  Okay maybe I shouldn’t  have done their faces.  My bad)

When Jeanette became a teenager we got into a bit of girl rivalry and our relationship sometimes was a little rocky until she got married at 20.  After that the friendship was back to full force and never has a cross word been spoken since that time.  She was my safety net when my parents moved west and I finished university as her boarder.  Many a day we would sit at the living room window and watch twin boys (and other kids) going off to school while we ate our cookie breakfast with our coffee.  Then off I would go to catch the greyhound bus to Waterloo.  I was usually home before the husband and we would watch the young and ridiculous and already in those days we would complain about the storylines being repetitive and unimaginative. 
When I graduated and moved west I spent the first few vacations flying east every November to spend it with My Sister.
She wins the Best Sister Ever award, always there with unconditional love.  (OK and a lot of admiration – who can resist that, I ask you?)

Friendship Month - June 1

My first best friend was my cousin Axel who was 6 months older than I.  Our mothers would take us out in the baby carriages, me so dark and he very fair, and all the grandmothers would oh and ah at us.  From the beginning I apparently had an affinity for Axel’s hair and would make a grab for it every time we met.  It became such a habit that when he saw me he would automatically tilt his head towards me to accommodate my demand.  18 years later when I visited Denmark for the first time nothing had changed; whatever I wanted to see or do, Axel was there to accommodate me.  A true blue friend from the very beginning of my life to this day.

What more can a person say about someone?

Axel was the model for all my friendships since then and as I have said many, many times not only on this blog but in my daily life “I don’t know what I have done to deserve so many fantastic and loyal friends”.  I am truly blessed.