John Maxwell on Thinking

Looking at an Open Mind, Fixed vs. Growth Mindset and Political Correctness leads me to a positive venture in thinking as seen by John Maxwell.  His book “Jumpstart your Thinking” really made a great impression on me and I followed through on his “work book” to such an extent that I realized many goals in my retirement (and prior to my cancer diagnosis).  There is Synchronicity with Dweck’s work in that it definitely can assist in altering your style of thinking to your own betterment.  He uses the following list of thinking experiences or versions:

 

·         Big Picture

·         Focused

·         Creative

·         Realistic

·         Strategic

·         Possibility

·         Reflective

·         Uncommon

·         Shared

·         Unselfish

·         Bottom Line

He considers them as building blocks and suggests that you will become a better thinker which in turn will change your life.  It certainly changed my life, not once, but twice.  First by allowing me to achieve many goals in the first read and my retirement goals.  Secondly, when I re-read the book and my notes I had that amazing Epiphany that I must think outside the box created by my illness.  Instead of limiting myself to a short term life I decided that I should remain optimistic and look at my 100+ year plan when working on my property, my writing or whatever else I should take on.  Why limit myself?  And why should you?

“Nothing limits achievement like small thinking, nothing expands possibilities like unleashed thinking.”  William Arthur Ward

Political Correctness

Last week the American Library Association changed its Laura Ingalls Wilder Award to something else due to suddenly discovering that Ingalls’ books did not represent their core values.  The books were published in the 1930’s and 40’s so I am not quite sure why they only now have discovered something inappropriate (to them) in these books on Ingalls’ personal family experiences.

It is ridiculous really.  Below I send some links which outline the stories so called inappropriateness.  I am not alone in finding this particular case especially annoying, even outrageous. 

I have googled various banned and censored book lists but found it so dysfunctional and mind blogging to realize how absolutely unreasonable some people are that I felt my best course is to ask readers, if they are interested in pursuing this, to do their own looking.

Which now leads me to the main purpose of this article.  Questioning people’s common sense in their assessment of what one ought to do about a book that is objectionable to them.  To my mind, if you don’t like the book, stop reading it.  It’s not your business to stop other people from reading it by getting the book banned from their public library.  We are adults, we ought to know what is good reading and what is questionable. We all have our own standards and we don’t need Mrs. Smith to tell us what we are allowed to read.  Furthermore we are (generally speaking) quite capable of recognizing inappropriate words or themes but sometimes, just maybe, that is the whole point of the book.

One community banned “Charlotte’s Web” because the animals were talking.  Are you seriously upset about a children’s book where animals talk?  Is your little Susie so stupid she doesn’t understand fantasy?  And yet I bet you let her watch “The Simpsons” because it is so alright to listen to that family.  That community would probably have a heart attack if they read “Animal Farm”; in fact they would die before they got through the first chapter.  Heaven help them if they got to the final chapter.  They would likely ban glue from their schools and make sure every child ate a lot of ham sandwiches.  J

I have trouble with censorship and I have even more trouble with society flipping out about things that actually happened in history and somehow trying to make out like it wasn’t real.  There are plenty of events that get altered, ignored or are tiptoed around in history.  I have to give my Grade 11 history teacher credit for having her students’ enact the Louis Riel trial with a very different outcome at the end of it.  Living in Winnipeg we were close to where it all happened.  Canada has its share of rotten history but it is not taught very well (if at all) in schools.  I know my younger siblings did not even learn about Louis Riel because they were mostly taught in Alberta or Ontario.  I wonder if students in B.C. get a different version of history with respect to the Japanese internment in WWII.  Or Italians in Toronto or Germans in Kitchener may get some other lessons that we wouldn’t get. 

Sadly Canada’s history is not written in a very exciting way so we yawn our way through our courses and then we miss out on the inequities and outrage we ought to be experiencing.  But later on we can find books that recount the stories in a more honest way.

It’s not good censoring books – that’s how we learn. 

http://thefederalist.com/2018/07/02/not-laura-ingalls-wilder-prejudiced-librarians-smearing-legacy/

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/06/27/laura-ingalls-wilder-book-award-little-house-prairie-racist-column/734103002/

Open Minds

A sign of intelligence is having an open mind.  People who are set in their beliefs and who resist even hearing another person’s point of view is never going to grow intellectually.  Sitting across from someone and “listening” with a stone face does not fool me, or any other bright person, for a second.  In my case I will be making my own assessment of the person across from me and recognizing that I am dealing with an idiot. 

Did I say that out loud?  Well, in virtual reality, yes.  (TONGUE-IN-CHEEK, PEOPLE, TONGUE-IN-CHEEK)

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

Recent polls have shown that a large percentage of voters have a single issue mindset when they go to the voting booth.  This appears to have been one of the reasons why Donald Trump won the American election; he appealed to individuals’ single issues. For some it was immigration, for others the economy, yet others “draining the swamp” and so on.  Similar voting practices are occurring here in Canada and it is rather a disturbing trend of narrow thinking. 

When we elect our government it is important to recognize that it will be governing for a 4 to 5 year term therefore a single issue should not be the only criteria on how you choose your candidate.  To pick Mr. Jones because he is anti (or pro) LGBTQ is hardly a sound reason for choosing him.  What else does Mr. Jones stand for?  Does he believe that corporate taxes should be raised or lowered, does he believe that spending on infrastructure, health care and education are solid investments or should we cut, cut, cut?  If we cut, cut, cut what ARE we getting for our personal tax dollars?  Does he use the word “entitlement” a lot?  How does he feel about privatization of utilities that have long been paid and supported by taxpayers?  Has he ever used the term “corporate welfare”?  Does the voter know what corporate welfare is?

Voting is a serious business to some voters and it is very disturbing to hear how many young people are so disillusioned by government that they don’t feel voting will change anything.  Voting is something our ancestors fought long and hard to gain as a right and it is tragic to think that anyone would forego that right when every vote counts.  To not speak out by not casting your vote you are still complicit in what occurs.  There is really no neutral ground.  No action is still an action.

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you. 
You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”  James Allen

Fixed vs Growth Mindset

Yesterday I wrote about open minds and I had added a link to Carol Dweck’s blog on Mindsets.  She has written a book (also found on that page) which researches how brains function.  The good news is that a person can alter their way of thinking.  And now you may be asking “why should I alter my way of thinking?”

Dweck found in her research that those who had a “fixed mindset” felt they needed to prove themselves over and over again.  Happily one can alter their mindset by first of all recognizing what type of mindset they currently has and then taking steps to change. 

I know that the majority of people are influenced by their parents’ thinking which is perfectly normal.  However, as one matures it is incumbent on thoughtful persons to question their beliefs and examine why they believe what they do.  As I observed many years ago, thinking can be painful and most people would sooner stick a needle in their eye than think about thinking.  But think about this for one minute --- why is the world in the shape that it is in?  My answer --- because too many people are on auto pilot not only in their daily lives but when they go to vote they have no true understanding of what they are actually voting for.  Using politics as an example of fixed mindset, if you vote for a party that gets the majority of their funding from corporations you ought to know that they now are under obligation to listen to what those corporations lobby for.  And what do they lobby for?  Lower corporate taxes, less “entitlements” for the people, corporate “welfare” for themselves and so on and so forth.  Nothing that is good for you.  Think about it – yes, think about it seriously.

(Politics was used here as an example only but there are many areas in which a person may simply be stuck without reflection).

John Maxwell’s workbook “Jumpstart your Thinking” is an amazing tool to get you motivated to think.

“For the flower to blossom you need the right soil as well as the right seed.  The same is true to cultivate good thinking.”  William Bernbach

Why Populism?

June was all about friends and the softer side of life but now I would like to philosophize a bit on the rougher side of what the world is experiencing.

We have had 18 months of “the new guy” in the White House (as Whoopi Goldberg names him) and those of us who live outside of the USA may count ourselves blessed that he is not our leader.  However, we are being impacted every day not just by the overwhelming media coverage but also by the decisions that are being made over the border many of which have long range and long term implications.

One that I would like to review is what is termed the populist movement.  This is something that is happening all over the world and naturally I can understand many of the reasons why countries, cultures and people want to protect what is “theirs”.  I don’t believe there is an easy answer or even one single answer as to how to overcome those feelings of xenophobia and protectionism.  One of the first steps would be to actually understand why people feel threatened by foreigners entering their country.

Things that come to mind would be the economics since the people entering the country are claiming refugee status.  Long-time taxpayers loath giving anything away to anyone (particularly the right wingers – but that’s a whole other conversation) but they are especially incensed by those asking for help who have given not one iota to the country’s economy.  Now many not only are asking for money, apartments, food and such but are asking far above (and getting) what a senior citizen receives or even a single parent who has been in the country all their lives.  Of course people will be cheesed off at this “money handout” no one more so than Europeans.  When even the Scandinavians are getting fed up you know something has to give.

Another area that really upsets people is the fact that so many refugees refuse to integrate into the country.  Not only do they refuse to integrate they also want to impose their own culture on others.  Denmark went into an uproar when Muslims wanted to ban ham sandwiches from school cafeterias.  First of all, the pork industry is huge in Denmark and Danes love their meat but secondly DO NOT TAKE THINGS AWAY FROM A DANE.  A ham sandwich is not going to kill anyone so NO, that is not going to happen.

These are two strong reasons why “populism” is growing in Europe and making inroads in America and Canada.  I don’t say they are justified.  I just recognize them as triggers of outrage for many.  I also want to add that while I use the word “many” I honestly have no idea what the percentage is.  Is it 20% who won’t integrate or is it 80%?  How many people in Canada feel the sway of populism?  What is the tipping point?

“Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”  George Santayana

Oh Canada

Let’s start July with celebrating being Canadian.  I am forever grateful to my parents for choosing Canada over any other country when they decided to emigrate from Denmark.  My father evaluated many countries including Australia, South Africa and the United States.  He often joked that he chose Canada because they didn’t have rattlesnakes but one of the main reasons for chosing Canada was that there was no draft.  He only had one son in 1957 but Dad had lived through WWII. Denmark was occupied by Germany very early in the war and while Churchill liked to call Denmark “Hitler’s Canary” the fact was that Britain was prepared to invade Denmark only a short while after the Germans had made their move.  Denmark would have been a bloody field of battle even worse off than the Netherlands.  The fear of yet another war was large enough in people’s mind after the war to make many Europeans turn toward immigration as the answer for a safer life.

We were completely alone when we landed in Canada, we knew absolutely no one.  Furthermore there was no aid for immigrants.  I am not talking about financial aid but the kind of information as to where to find an apartment, how to register for a social insurance number and so on.  Dad was lucky enough by already having a job so his employer helped with the work process but finding a decent apartment was a nightmare.  Mom was almost beside herself dealing with a filthy little room and brand new furniture that fell apart after sitting on it for 2 days.

But somehow my parents overcame these obstacles with the fortitude of their ancestors as well as a determination not to be failures by turning tail and running “home”.  Canada became their home and we integrated, something Scandinavians are particularly good at.  Having said that, my family was somewhat unique in that we retained not only our language inside the home but we are still very Danish culturally.  To this day we sing the Danish carols and dance around the Christmas tree.  We have duck instead of turkey for Christmas dinner and we celebrate Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day.  We like our Danish porcelain, we like our open face sandwiches and don’t even get me started on “Rod grod med flode”.

Mom asks me “are you more Danish than Canadian”?  I cannot answer that because all I know is that I am an integrated Canadian with a Danish background and foreground.  I feel blessed to come from two great countries but I will always call Canada my home.

Celebrate Friends

A final note on friendship – celebrate your friendships and relationships regularly.  I have at least one GalPal BBQ every summer and since my retirement I have had coffee, brunch and lunch dates frequently.  As I have written many times before with respect to keeping in touch once you have retired, always put the onus on yourself even if you feel hard done by that you are always the one making the call.  It is so important to have social contacts, for pleasure, not for “networking”.

I have been so very fortunate to find that since my diagnosis my friends have put the shoe on the other foot and frequently they are the ones calling me.   How nice is that?  When you experience the pleasure of those phone calls or emails, remember to pay them forward to someone else in your life that you value.

So what is next . . . I am thinking about a Garden Party.  I can see Downton Abbey, sunbonnets and sun shades written all over this one.

My cup runneth over, may yours’ also.

What a Friend Does

I have written about quite a number of friends who have been with me for many stages of my life.  I feel very blessed to have been able to retain so many people in my life and I am happy to say that I have only had positive feedback from them when they have been “profiled”.  They are by no means the only people in my life but those I wrote about seemed to have a special purpose so if you were not mentioned specifically, do not worry, you are in my heart still.

In today’s environment of divisiveness maintaining relationships could be more stressful than ever before.  For those of us who have reached the Age of Maturity this may not be quite the challenge of younger folks but if we have a brain, have an opinion and are not shy to speak up it can be very easy to injure someone even unintentionally.  Being a friend is to know that person well enough to know their sensitivities and so it is well to tread carefully with the words we use or the opinions we share.  In other words, tact is very important in a friendship.

Does being tactful or evasive mean one is insincere or hypocritical?  I think not.  If one values a relationship one knows when to keep mouth firmly closed on certain topics.  For instance, it is never a very good idea to criticize a friend’s child or her child rearing habits.  My sisters may forgive me but even my best friend would not appreciate it very much.

What I have noticed with my friendships is that to be a good listener (or sounding board) is one of the most valued qualities a person can bring to a friendship.  I have always enjoyed listening to people.  I used to joke that I knew the inner secrets of every bus driver I ever drove with.  Even at the tender age of 14 I had that sort of face that seemed to tell a driver “speak to me, I am here to listen”.   I learned a lot about marriages, raising children and work issues that most girls would have run away from!  Fortunately for me I never had a bad experience with a driver (i.e., even when we were alone on the bus I was never accosted in an inappropriate way) and so wherever I go I am happy to lend an ear.

There are plenty of other things that make for good friendships; empathy, common interests and good humour being at the top of the list but being a good listener that is the greatest quality of all.  In my humble opinion.

Call someone you like today and have a good listen!

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season. 

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.  

— Unknown

Classmates, Reunions and Facebook

I have written about long-time friends and friendships which I know will last forever.  There are other friends who come into our lives, linger, pass out of them, and then can return again with even more meaning.

An ongoing experience for me has been connecting and reconnecting with my high school classmates through our first (25^th) reunion.  Since then we have had a reunion every 5 years and in a couple of years we will be having our 50^th reunion.  The committee of Barb, Liz, Michelle, Del, Lawrence and Marj (and me being honourary now) have been strong in keeping the reunions going.  I should make a note here to say that Manitoba / Winnipeg is not known for having reunions, unlike other places in the country.  Our class has been very special in having the original 25^th and then keeping them going.  We are the envy of other classes and schools. 

Del and I were friends in high school but Barb and Liz I only knew from our being in the same small locker room.  We would have little chats but we were not hanging out kind of friends.  I didn’t know Michelle at all except through the hallways.  Today we are friends not just because of the committee but because we genuinely like each other.  Liz in particular has become a really good friend who I appreciate as a warm and loving spirit.  I admire Barb for her tremendous energy and organizing skills but she too is a really warm and loving person.  I love Michelle’s constant Facebook posts of her Mom and her sisters and her travel insights.  Del and his wife have been wonderful supports in my illness and I was truly touched by Del’s phone calls to me in the hospital. 

Beyond the committee I just feel so happy that Facebook’s original intent of keeping classmates connected has worked out for us.  I enjoy seeing so many of my classmates share experiences, support each other with a like, a comment and a share.  I have “friend envy” sometimes.  And lots of times I wish I were in Winnipeg so that I could develop stronger relationships with classmates.  I guess that is part of getting older and longing for our youth, for missed possibilities.  But Facebook – there is a really positive side to this social media.

Friendships can develop online just like old fashioned pen pals.  Aren’t we the lucky ones, Classmates?

A Lost Classmate

 At the high school reunions I met a classmate who technically never went to school with me.  Willi and I enjoyed each other at the various reunions but even though we worked in Calgary, downtown and at one point even in the same building we did not have the time to connect beyond the reunions until we had a small mini reunion at my place.  We spent quite a lot of time together over that weekend and we discovered how much we had in common.  We were both immigrant kids; she came to Canada from Holland at the age of 3, I a year later.  We had a particular love of precise English, we loved Scrabble, we were watching Coronation Street (me as a newbie but she over decades) and we were both about to retire from the oil industry.

As we found our freedom we also enjoyed patio lunches or brunches, went on hikes together and simply enjoyed each other’s company.  She also fell in love with my Mom (as many of my friends do) and pretty much adopted her.  Mom had a special affection for Willi as well.

Sadly our friendship ended abruptly with Willi’s sudden bout of cancer and quick death.  I was stunned to return from Phoenix last year to read on Facebook that there was going to be a Celebration of Life for Willi.  I hadn’t even known she was ill before she was gone.

People can come into our lives for brief periods of time but that time can make a profound impact.  In the case of Willi, not only did she bring insight and appreciation to the immigrant experience but her decision to choose a quick death has affected me in the deepest possible way.  Even strong and courageous people can surrender and say “this is too much”.

Rest in Peace Willi. 

A Young Friend

Erik is someone that I have known since 2004 when we began working on my first big project as the Project Administrator.  Erik was an engineer in training at the time who was full of enthusiasm for the project.  In the beginning he was stationed directly in front of my office space and I would listen to him talking with another young man who was equally enthusiastic.  I used to smile at their conversation but I enjoyed them immensely.  It wasn’t long before I got some additional amusement as I observed Erik’s huge appetite by way of his lunch bag which (no word of a lie) was a giant grocery bag.  He never gained an ounce which amazed me considering how much he devoured!

Erik and I soon discovered mutual interests since he was half Danish.  When we got the chance we would go for lunch time walks and talk about family, work and Denmark.  Erik had a fine instinct for ethics and I soon found we had a similar way of thinking by way of moral code.  What can I say, I took a profound liking to this young man and had a motherly sympathy for him.  Both of us had a mutual friend and benefactor in a gentleman named Mark Brown so we were very happy to work together on our next big project.

When Erik met his future wife no one could have been happier than I and I was honoured to be asked to his wedding.  Two young children quickly followed; Erik moved on to other projects but we would hook up for a noon walk once in a while.  Retirement happened and my connection lapsed – mea culpa – my fault, not Erik’s.  Recently we connected again and I resolved to not be the one to break the link again. 

I write about Erik not only because I do consider him a friend of long standing but also to show that sometimes even the biggest proponent of friendship can make a slip (that would be me).  One should remember that “it’s not all about me”, others are equally sensitive to the fact that they may be the one who does all of the calling and keeping in touch.

Let that be a lesson – to me.