Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Recently I took the opportunity to ask some leading questions of women who have had to make some significant choices in their life respecting their careers and motherhood.  I believe my generation of girls / women were the first to really put some pressure on to take up a full time job after high school and many more to continue their education with university degrees.  Prior to this time it was generally those with money and with a really strong drive to choose a professional career such as medicine or law.  Even engineering was still considered a mainly “male” job and it was still another decade or two before you really saw women entering this field.

But once in the work force couples became dependent on that second pay cheque and when the “biological clock” started ticking (and this was earlier for most women simply working a regular type of job such as a secretary or clerk) there was considerable discussion as to how the family would handle not only the economy but the woman’s sense of empowerment in having a job or career.

Speaking with one professional she said she had to make the choice with being available to her daughter which took a hit on her career as a university professor working for tenure.  She had to slow down in working on her thesis but even so when she did work on it her daughter would ask her “is this a working on the thesis night?”  Another professional chose to leave the upbringing of her children to her husband since his career was somewhat less demanding than her high ambitions.  Curiously enough her sons felt that engineering was a “woman’s job” while their dad, a teacher and the cook in the house, were manly work.  Even in one generation the roles can flip, which is a good thing I believe.

My mother has said for years that the only one who has really benefited from working women is that tax man.  He now gets income tax from females as well as males.

But for families and especially women it is a really tough decision to know how to “have it all”, a career and motherhood, without feeling the guilt.  Interestingly, men still say that “they have to babysit the kids” if the mother is working late.  Moms never say they have to babysit their own kids, this is called raising the kids.  Not sure why men aren’t called out on this more often. 

One has to admire the resilience of Working Mothers everywhere, it cannot be easy, even when they make it look easy.  My hat goes off to you.

 

“At work you think of the children you have left at home.  At home you think of the work you’ve left unfinished.  Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself.  Your heart is rent”  Golda Meir

 

 

A Pause in Seriousness

The last couple of weeks has been fraught with anxiety, frustration and anger by many women as they followed the Ford/Kavanagh case.  We won’t know until the November mid-terms in the USA how fired people will be when they cast their votes but in the meantime let us hope that we have a breather before the next round of craziness begins.

In that light I want to take some time to celebrate wives and mothers for their role in centering family life.  Women have been undervalued for being stay-at-home moms even before that phrase was coined and yet the trauma of not having my mother at home when I got home from school was so great that I recall my emotions to this day.  Old Home Economic text books, and even my notebook, lectured the female student on how to appear well groomed at the end of the day to welcome home the husband, with the delightful aroma of a well cooked meal wafting from the kitchen.

When I was a child all of the mothers of my classmates were stay-at-home moms but by the time I was in junior high school some of the mothers had begun to work outside the home.   By the time I finished high school I think my mother may have been the only mom not working, or at least one of the very last hold-outs.  I didn’t think very much about it at the time but I must say that it was good to know that my mother would be home if I was ill and had to stay home from school.  My mother was the bastion that warded off all kinds of evil and served up comfort in a glass of ginger ale or a cup of tea. When Dad came home his newspaper was by his chair and he always took a few minutes to unwind before sitting down at the table. Sometimes we would have already eaten but if he was home by 5:00 then we ate together.  We always had a hot meal for supper, meat, potatoes and gravy and frequently we would have a dessert of some kind but not always.

After supper we would do our homework, if we had any, and then we would watch our favorite TV shows.  By 8:00 p.m. we were in bed (or at least supposed to be in bed) but lights were not necessarily turned off.  I almost always read for an hour or so before I fell asleep and I know my sister (who had the TV in her room) watched more TV when the rest of us were sent out of her room (it was so large it served both as her bedroom and the downstairs family room).

And we could hear Mom making coffee for Dad and they would talk a little as he read the paper finished while she would knit, crochet or sew something for one of us kids.  All was right with the world and we could sleep in safety and security.

Oh Mothers of Yore, I salute you.

Woman's Control Over Her Own Body - Part 2

In late 2017 the magnitude of the problem of sexual assault was highlighted by two major events; the allegations against Harvey Weinstein and the advent of the #MeToo movement.  I don’t think it’s necessary for me to recount the history of sexual abuse as those interested in the topic are more than aware of how people have been mistreated over millennia.  For those uninterested they will be as tone deaf as the American senators who just made an alleged sexual assaulter a Supreme Court Justice.

Why would this upset the writer since I don’t live in the USA?  How will it affect me?  It will affect me and women around the world because it is clear that those in power work for themselves and not the people.  In the USA they have what they call SuperPacs (political funding) whereby politicians are bought, they must vote the way the SuperPacs direct them to vote.  Some of the biggest funders of the SuperPacs are insurance and pharmaceutical companies.  It means that not only will reproductive rights be repealed but other health care benefits will eventually not be funded.  This will most likely spill over into other countries hence affecting us.  We are on a very dangerous path back into the Dark Ages.

It behooves women around the world to be very aware of what is happening in their country, province and city to ensure that their rights are not violated, taken away or otherwise compromised. 

“The pendulum continues to swing very far to the right; be sure it doesn’t knock you on the head as it goes by.”  Susanne Abildgaard

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_action_committee

Woman's Control Over Her Own Body - Part 1

The link below is that of women’s legal rights through the ages so I am not going to belabour the history of birth control or Pro Choice rights here.  It is a fairly well known topic.  Rather I would like to highlight the political shift in recent years in both the USA and to some extent here in Canada where there is a leaning towards reversing these rights.  Curiously enough the issues seem to be pushed more by men than women and as a woman I find it repugnant that a man should have any say whatsoever on a woman’s body.  Does any woman really care whether a man takes Viagra?  Is she going to picket outside a doctor’s office calling for the discontinuation of Viagra or a vasectomy?  I personally have never heard this done but maybe I have lived under a bushel.

I have a real problem with Pro Life people because even though you might be a woman what right do you have to interfere with another woman’s choice?  These same people are the ones who want to carry around a weapon because they believe it is their right to “stand their ground”.  Again only white people are allowed to stand their ground with impunity; if an African American stood their ground they would at the very least land in jail but who’s to say they wouldn’t get lynched in Florida?  (Yes I allude to the recent event in Florida).

Curiously when I decided to research reasons for abortion the first two Google pages of searches were scanty on information except for those with an obvious ProLife affiliation.  I reviewed a couple but found them dubious at best.  All were American based in the first two search pages.  Digging a little further I found this survey done by the Guttmacher Institute which is very useful:

https://www.guttmacher.org/report/abortion-worldwide-2017

Women must continually fight for their rights when it comes to protecting their own body, not just with reproductive choices but when it comes to sexual assault.

“Like begets like.  We gather perfect fruit from perfect trees . . . Abused soil brings forth stunted growths.”  Margaret Sanger

Silence

This space is today dedicated to the bravery of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and all sexual assault survivors.

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“For whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.”  Galatians 6:7

Let Me Tell You a Story - Part 2

I remember having several disputes with my father with respect to the lack of female accomplishments through the ages.  I honed my argumentative skills / debate acumen through many such discussions / arguments with the wisest person I knew (I write with a smile on my face but honesty in my heart).  In the end my father had to concede that I had scored points and he finally agreed with me.  The central point of my argument was that throughout civilization it has been a man’s world and a woman was almost always held back from anything beyond the scope of “housekeeping”.  There were pockets of time, place and circumstance that allowed women of a certain class to become educated and/or to have opportunity to be something beyond a pawn in a man’s world.

I use the above preface to foray further into the world of writing.  Certainly women had written prior to the gradual publication of their works in the late 1700’s, mostly through their letter writing.  Marie de Sevigne is considered the most talented and revered of these writers (a link below gives a list).  Women authors who “broke barriers” through history include Sappho, Anne Bradstreet, Mary Wollstonecraft, Jane Austen, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Edith Wharton, Gabrielle Mistral, Agatha Christie, Octavia Butler, Jeanette Winterston, Alice Walker and JKK Rowling (see link below for reasons why).  This list has 13 women but we can certainly continue the list in many different ways however what is most important with respect to authors (male and female) is that they have a burning desire to TELL A STORY.  Sometimes it is simply creativity wanting to burst out but oftentimes it is a case of having a personal story to tell or simply because they are “good and mad”.  I use this last phrase in quotations because a recent book has been published by Rebecca Traister called “Good and Mad”. 

Anne Bronte wrote her second novel “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall” because she wanted to illustrate how humans can fall into a state of depravity by unrestrained indulgence.  She had seen dreadful things in the household where she lived as a governess and sadly saw her brother fall victim as well as perpetrated of this depravity.  George Eliot wrote novels that depicted rural life but often with a political slant or theme aligned with it.  Virginia Woolf frequently wrote about the inner workings of women’s minds as well as about the creative process.  Women authors frequently commented on and criticized societal norms.  “Frankenstein” is in many ways a precursor of S.E. Hinton’s “The Outsiders”.  Harper Lee’s brilliant “To Kill a Mockingbird” uses a child’s view to explore racism.  Toni Morrison, Alice Walker and Maya Angelou open up the world of African American experiences with astounding effectiveness.

Do male authors explore these same topics?  Of course.  Do women have a different perspective?  Of course.  Are both valid?  Of course.  And that is why book clubs are formed, so one can discuss, compare and evaluate books, authors, opinions, perspectives and so much more.  Thank you Oprah Winfrey for making book clubs contemporary and popular!

Ms. Traister was interviewed on Amanpour & Co. the other day and her discussion on her book’s theme was fascinating.  I will address this in tomorrow’s blog and I believe all women should pay attention and I will say this – go out and get this book.  I have ordered mine. 

"Living.  All mixed up.  The more kinds of people you see, and the more things you do, and the more things that happen to you, the richer you are.  Even if they're not pleasant things.  That's living. Remember, no matter what happens, good or bad, it's just so much velvet."  Edna Ferber in So Big

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_letter_writers

https://www.bustle.com/p/13-female-authors-who-have-broken-barriers-in-honor-of-womens-history-month-43724

Let Me Tell You a Story - Part 1

Recently on “Jeopardy” I was surprised to learn that “Anna Karenina” was the number one choice of authors as the greatest book of all time.  Now as we readers know we all have our own opinion as to which books are the greatest so I will not quibble with this particular list although I would be curious to know what the gender ratio was of those authors compiling the list.

Since women authors began publishing they were aware that their books were criticized by a very different set of criteria than a male authors and thus many women chose to publish either anonymously or with a male pseudonym.  The Bronte sisters used gender neutral pseudonyms but immediately upon publication there was a veritable storm of speculation as to their sex.  Until critics could determine their sex they were hesitant to analyse the books in any serious way.  Oh but what a hoodoo was made once the gender was known, how depraved and un-sexed these reclusive sisters became!  Emily’s genius is overlooked and instead one review (which I cannot help but laugh at) goes like this:

“How a human being could have attempted such a book as the present without committing suicide before he had finished a dozen chapters, is a mystery. It is a compound of vulgar depravity and unnatural horror …”

Little wonder that Mary Ann Evans chose to write as George Eliot, Aurore Dudavant (George Sand), Karen Blixen (Isak Dinesen).  At the same time we can take a look at the reaction of readers two decades earlier when “Frankenstein” was published.  The author, believed to be a man, was not trounced on for creating a monster that went about terrorizing the population.  The author had the foresight, one presumes, to write a foreword that perhaps took some of the shock out of the story and made the author less depraved. Also there is the possibility that the influence of Queen Victoria’s prudishness may already have spread that aura amongst the critics.  If Mary Shelley had revealed herself as the 19 year old girl who wrote this remarkable novel one wonders what the reaction would have been.  Even today I think we can all agree that this book was a work of genius and quite wonderful coming from such a young person.

"No coward soul is mine,

No trembler in the world's storm-troubles sphere . . ."  Emily Bronte

 

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

https://www.listchallenges.com/the-greatest-books-of-all-time-chosen-by-125

https://www.wuthering-heights.co.uk/wh/reviews.php

Feminism - Three Waves (a short version)

As previously discussed many women’s issues overlap each other and the female activists who took on one issue frequently moved on to other issues.  When discussing recent feminism we have the First Wave that essentially worked for woman’s suffrage and control over her own body (contraception etc.).  Notable women who spearheaded these issues include Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Emmeline Pankhurst and her daughters, Lucy Stone, Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Sanger, Marie Stopes and Stella Browne.

The second wave occurred in the mid-20^th century and spread the concern to gender equality in the work place as well as in their personal space.  Two important books are Simone de Beauvior’s (1949) “The Second Sex” and Betty Friedan’s (1963) “The Feminine Mystique”.  Gloria Steinem has also been a feminist activist since the ‘60’s and has been considered a leader of the second wave of feminism. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_second-wave_feminism

In today’s world women take for granted many of the things were not available to women in the 60’s.  Birth control was still difficult to get in many parts of the world, including Canada and the USA.  Access to legal abortions did not occur in the USA until the Supreme Court case of Roe v. Wade in 1973.  In Canada it was legal from 1969 but within the scope of a woman’s physical or mental health was in danger and had to be signed off by a committee of doctors.  This law was struck down in 1988.

The third wave came in the 1990’s and at this time there was much criticism of the second wave in that it was felt that it generally addressed white, middle class or privileged women.  The third wave worked for inclusivity of all ethnic backgrounds as well as continuing the campaign for women’s rights in the work place, with their reproductive rights and for enlightenment on harassment.  The outrage over the Clarence Thomas / Anita Hill verdict sent a rallying call across the USA:

“So I write this as a plea to all women, especially women of my generation: Let Thomas’ confirmation serve to remind you, as it did me, that the fight is far from over. Let this dismissal of a woman's experience move you to anger. Turn that outrage into political power. Do not vote for them unless they work for us. Do not have sex with them, do not break bread with them, do not nurture them if they don't prioritize our freedom to control our bodies and our lives. I am not a post-feminism feminist. I am the Third Wave.”  Rebecca Walker, MS Magazine 1992

Women's Rights 101

Some remarkable facts about women’s rights include the fact that a married woman (in Britain) became the property of her husband and she could not own property in her own right (unless her father had settled property on her in the marriage contract).  In Canada Emily Murphy successfully lobbied for the Dower Act (1912) in Alberta allowing married women to retain property rights.  As part of the Famous Five she worked to have women recognized as “persons” under the law, making women eligible to sit in the Senate.

An interesting timeline on women’s rights can be found at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_women%27s_legal_rights_(other_than_voting)

The Law of Moses allowed women almost the same monetary rights as a man; in Rome women were treated as property or as minors; in India there is some confusion but women did have some property rights; in Sweden in 1720 women could work within a guild; again in Sweden women were granted property rights and working rights in the early 1700’s; 1859 Denmark allows women to become teachers; Denmark opens up colleges to women in 1863 and in 1875 opens up universities to women. 

In 1963 the Equal Pay Act was passed in the USA, however it exempted white collar female workers from the act until it was amended in 1972.  In 1970 the remarkable Eleanor Holmes Norton sued Newsweek on behalf of 60 female reporters for discrimination, and won.

In the 1960’s women stood together to fight for their rights alongside the other important campaigns of that decade, Human Rights and Civil Rights.  There was much overlap, naturally, but never forget that Women’s Rights on their own is a very important chapter in our recent history.  It coincided with Feminism and may sometimes be intermingled.  In the past 50 years I believe that many women have rejected what these fighting women accomplished for the good of the whole.  I will address this separately under Feminism and the 3 “waves”.

Women's Education through the Ages

It seems appropriate to begin this topic with the education of women.  Eleanor of Aquitaine (1124-1204) is one of the first historical women who comes to the fore as an educated woman whose influence affected many events in the 12^th century by dent of marrying two kings and raising three kings.  By all accounts she was well educated by her father, learning mathematics, Latin, history, literature, constellations, music as well as the “womanly arts”.  Although there appears to be some question as to her forming a court of love she is linked with the growing idea of chivalry which in turn developed into manners at court.  There are a few other women of the Middle Ages who were well educated but not until the Renaissance did women of a certain class start to be “learned” and celebrated for it; Jane Grey, Elizabeth I, Bess of Hardwick to name a few. Plodding along the centuries to the next “wave” of learning takes us to the late 18^th century when the term “blue stocking” was coined for those fearless women who let their intellect be shown.  Notable women include Mary Wollstonecraft, George Eliot and George Sand among many others.

Women of the lower and even middle classes did not become educated (by educated I mean able to read and write) as a general rule until well into the 19^th century.  Those who were educated beyond the basic level of reading and writing were even fewer so there is little wonder that there is almost a total absence of female achievement until the mid 1800’s.  Two early areas of achievement however were in writing and social activism as women found their voice in society.

Mary Wollstonecraft’s “A Vindication of the Rights of Woman” (1792) argued that women were not inferior to men but lacked education and suggested that both sexes should be treated as rational beings while society should be based on reason.  Jane Austen’s novels, published anonymously, took a sometimes humorous view of society yet there are serious discussions on the plight of women being dependent on male family members to keep them from falling into the depths of poverty.  As women became educated societal issues became an increasingly important topic of discussion but also found women taking active steps to correct wrongs such as child labour, poverty, health concerns and so on.

Female scholars who became professionals will be a topic for another blog.

Women's Legacy, Past, Present and Future

This October I will write about women’s issues since they are coming to the fore in this time of the MeToo movement.  I have given this topic, if one can call it that, some consideration and here are some of the things I would like to discuss, ponder and bring to the attention of readers in no particular order.  Women’s education through the ages; control of their own bodies; work place; careers and being between a rock and a hard place; recognition of achievements (hiding behind male names, behind their male partner); activism; white privilege; thought leaders and innovators; and female leadership, to name some of the challenges women have faced.

I will write sometimes strictly on the topic but frequently I will use historical women but with a focus on their achievements and influence in the long term rather than their personal histories (although in going over them in my mind I found myself giving a lot of their history).  I will do my best to edit those ramblings out as it is somewhat of an insult to my readers if they are not aware of these extraordinary women that I will introduce into the narrative.

I truly hope that this will be an inspirational and informative theme for everyone.  I am quite excited about take this deep dive into a topic that is so relevant today given the nature of the very populist and regressive movement around the world.  It is highly disconcerting to discover how powerful a “single issue” political mindset can alter other issues without voters being aware.  I know some of my readers are not so happy with politics so I will do my best to be as non-political as possible (a real challenge given the nature of some of the topics I will get into).  Bear with me and try to see the big picture as I go forth on this really exciting (to me) month of Extraordinary Women and their Challenges.

Finale

What have I learned from doing the deep dive into my high school years?  I find myself funny and insecure and yet there is also a touch of confidence as I evolve from a teenager into an adult.  I seem to have been a little bit “boy crazy” in my diary although I was not one to run after anyone.  I certainly had some celebrity crushes (who didn’t when you look at the posters in teen bedrooms in those days) and could be quite dramatic about it. 

I also find myself endearing as I slowly come back from two years of “hibernation” from the social world.  I really had a difficult time moving from Burlington to Winnipeg right at the start of high school (in Grade 9) and then moving to Montreal at the end of the school year to Montreal for 9 months.  Not only did it cause me personal trauma in leaving friends of 6 years but it also set me back scholastically to the point of really struggling with math and science.  To find myself saying “I am becoming very social” and having ambitions to join various clubs (though much was kyboshed by Dad’s helicopter ways) was new to me.  I found myself developing lifelong friendships with Ninette in Montreal, Silvia, Ranee, Yvette and Marjolaine (who does not appear in these entries as she ought to have been).  I also developed a strong correspondence with my cousins Birthe and Axel, letters that I really valued at the time and treasure today in my “archive”.

I revealed a lot about my family, especially my relationship with my dear sister Jeanette and I have to thank her for not being angry at some very personal revelations – they were too funny not to write!  Also my insensitiveness to poor little Charlotte’s mishaps, but she thought they were fun to read and of course it is a “blackmail” treasury for her to pull out those incidents!  My brothers got pretty short shrift but once I became a teen they were not playmates of choice except during the summer when we again chummed around, particularly on our bikes.

A lot of nostalgia but tons of laughs and pleasure in reliving those young days.  I hope my readers were able to see the value and that it helped send them reflecting on their own school days.  In a good way.