Holding It Together

.Now that sounds like I am coming apart, that my nerves might be frayed, or that there is A Situation going on.  In a way, there is a situation going on; it’s called holding your water while you wait another 4 hours before you get an ultrasound test.  This situation has been on my mind for more than 24 hours because the last time I went for this test it did not happen due to forces beyond my control.  So here I sit, fasting, with a glass of water before me, a dry mouth and a hesitancy to drink the water due to the dread of feeling as though I might explode.  Can you imagine being in crisis mode while confined to a train cabin and no washroom in sight?

       Okay, I’ve taken my first sip of water, my throat is still parched but so far, no extra niggling desire to “go”.  I’m looking around my home office and I see a pile of papers and once again I think about the night time breeding quality of paper.  How does it grow seemingly overnight?  I’m wondering about the nightmarish dreams I’ve had 4 days in a row.  What’s up with that?  I haven’t watched Breaking Bad or The Walking Dead so why am I having dreams about drugs and dead people?  Minimal distraction with the pondering because, yes, the niggling is getting more intense and it’s not even 4 a.m. yet.  I’m afraid to even sit on the commode because at this stage in my life my control is not what it used to be.

       Too much information?  If you’ve ever read “Maxine” you will understand that after a certain age no topic is off limits.  I’ll  upgrade my status tomorrow.