Fickle Girl

Oct 16, 1969 – Dear Cassandra

Well I got kicked out of history yesterday and Walter didn’t and I don’t really care. I was surprised that I didn’t feel disappointed but I didn’t and I still don’t. I think I have gone fickle. I haven’t joined the drama club yet and I’m not going to. I guess I’m revolting. Against what? I don’t know. Maybe against myself. I better go before I mix you up anymore. Bonjoir Cassandra.

NOTE: I meant moved out of the class to another class, not “kicked out” in a bad way

Oct 22, 1969  Dear Cassandra

Nothing very important has happened today, but here are some trivial matters; yesterday Mother threw away Jeanette’s rag doll, if you can call it that. I noticed it in the garbage bag when I was doing the dishes.  Jocelyn, one of my girlfriends is thinking of quitting school again. I saw Walter and Tom today, they were the same as usual.  Tomorrow Erik goes to the hospital to get his tonsils taken out. Lately I have been feeling sick, I think it’s my appendix. I am ashamed to tell you that in this house I have dreamed twice of Cliff Hunt -  my sister’s boyfriend [NOTE: they were penpals as Cliff was still in Burlington and we had of course moved away 2 ½ years ago but he had given her a “go steady” ring so of course we considered him her boyfriend].  When I wake up I panic and think I’m in love with him but Ann Landers says you have no control over your dreams. I hope not!  Once when we lived in Southdale, that’s in St. Boniface, I dreamed of him too.  Don’t think I care about him because I don’t. Every time I see David Selby it kind of hurts inside and I don’t know why. Oh, what is going to happen to me!

NOTE:  There is a lot more of this teenage angst so I think I will move things along a little bit.  I write about my nightly prayers (which I continued for almost 15 years before I had a crisis in faith); Jocelyn was a somewhat wobbly friend but I stayed loyal to her even when John said he thought Jocelyn was making a sucker out of me (wise boy of 13); airy fairy dreams of different jobs I wanted to have – writer, interior decorator, actress (only for the fun of it) but rarely a doctor except to please Dad; sometimes shy, sometimes bold about my “talents”; pleasures of various books I read – being enthralled with Queen Victoria and lots and lots about the boys in school!