April Showers, May Flowers

It seems that Mother Nature has done an extreme flipflop in weather patterns, for a change Southern Alberta is experiencing mild spring weather that includes a warmish rain while Ontario has snow.  Mom and I are cautiously optimistic that we can get it an early garden this year which will include vegetables and potatoes.  As long as we can get rid of all the weeds we should have a great showing.

      I love the Agatha Christie and Georgette Heyer books where seemingly ordinary middle class people have their gardener, cook and maid.  Ah for the good old days where regular folks could afford to pay a gardener.  Nowadays you get a landscape artist that costs a small fortune and they don’t even do the work!

      I’m looking outside my office window and see the lawn is nearly all green now but the buds are barely showing yet on the trees.  Today the foothills are slightly misty and the mountains are hidden in the clouds.  It’s going to take a while for the sun to burn through but it hasn’t stopped the critters from begging to go out for their frolic.  I might see them again at sundown.  Remember the good old days when mothers would say that about their children?  Isn’t it sad that today we live in fear of allowing our children out of our sight?

      Today I am taking my mother for a frolic of sorts. It’s off for our bi-monthly grocery shopping and then we are invited to tea out in the countryside.  She was delighted to be invited along.  I can see that I have the makings of a social butterfly on my hands.  I’m contemplating allowing her to get her license and buy her a car but as she has directional dyslexia I am a little nervous that she may end up in Montana before she realizes she’s made the wrong turn. 

      Just took another peek out the window, tulips blooming.  Ah, it’s spring at last.

Vegging Out with My Mom

This week has been a weird one for Mom and I.  When I come home I just want to be a couch potato (nothing new there) but my Mom declares she is tired also.  We were supposed to collaborate on a training program but instead we are tired and brain dead.   This has got to stop.

       The number one key to longevity is a joy of life but if a person becomes a permanent couch potato I cannot see much joy in that.  So here I go, developing another famous Plan.  This morning I have been sitting in front of the computer petting one of the cats, drinking coffee and allowing my mind to roam the universe of possibilities.  Surely there is something that will give us the impetus to get going.

       Meanwhile I think that it is nice to just sit with my Mom and hold her hand as we talk during commercials.  I feel pampered when she asks me “what would you like for supper tomorrow night?” even as my tummy is full of the nice dinner I just consumed and internally I think “not now, I only want crackers tomorrow”.  I believe I am well suited to having my mother around because I have never gotten out of my habit of coming directly home from school (I mean work).  Mom knows that I am as dependable as clockwork when it comes to punctuality and habits.  She tells me she hasn’t got the kitchen down pat so the food isn’t on the table immediately when I get in the door. 

       “Mom” I say “I don’t expect to come into the house and gobble down food immediately!  I need to wind down for 10 minutes or so at least before I have to eat”.

       “I’m used to being able to have it done to the minute when your father came home.”

       At work yesterday we went out for lunch and one of the ladies said that lunch would also be her supper and I piped up “I gave my mother slash cook the night off” which was meant as a joke but after Mom’s comment I felt like I was being a task master and I can see that it will be all too easy to become a tyrant.

       Having a roommate is an adjustment.

Long Days, Lonely Afternoons

As my readers and friends know, I have long been working with the idea of retirement.  Last year I talked with a planner on the psychological profile portion of my retirement.  He was not particularly good at it and I felt that I was feeding all of the questions and answers to him.  However, the big concern for me was filling in my days with meaningful things to do particularly if I was going to retire earlier than 65 which would mean most of my friends would still be working.  I think my friends were wondering why I was so worried but I can tell you this morning that “rightfully so” is my response.

      Why, you ask.  Because several times this week my mother has said to me “it’s a long day” and when I asked her what she meant she said there was still long stretches of time when she was alone (this despite having a very busy social calendar this week).  As she had said it earlier this week I sent out an email to my siblings and boom!  All of them showed up yesterday to keep her company which she loved (and of course I haven’t told her that I sent out the note) but despite the company, and as luck would have it I wasn’t home until 7 due to a hair appointment, it was still “a long day”.

      Here I am this morning wondering what I can do about this to help my mother, but also I am thinking “and what will it be like for me when I am home all day”?  So, my friends, take heed.  Develop some meaningful hobbies for your retirement years.  I was thinking after the election on Monday that one of my hobbies is going to be Political Activist.  Now there’s a thought, perhaps I could start off experimenting with my mother.  She is already very current with all the news and she particularly loves politics so I should get her to take notes (and just thinking about her potential notes has me giggling) and then we could collaborate at the end of the day.  Historical notes include “Susanne was ill.”  Recipe – Sand cake, add 2 cups of flower . . . the teacher phoned my mother to ask if she was serious.  Not joking.  Imagine the possibilities of Mom writing down political jargon.  I’m going to be laughing all night.

      Today my mother is getting an outing with her grandson who has to go to the police station to get a police check for his teaching certificate.  I hope she gets to go right into the station at High River because it is always bustling with activity.  That will give her some scope for today’s chat.

      On an aside, Christopher got a job confirmation about 30 seconds after he got his final mark on his final course.  He’s in heaven and we are right there beside him on Cloud 9.  Starts May 1^st, could anything be better?

Caring for Elderly Parents

I still have a hard time thinking about my mother as “elderly”.  Last night I was listening to her fussing about the kitchen and it was just like I was back in Winnipeg on a Monday night.  She still has a lot of energy although it only comes in spurts (much like myself).  But I am reminded of the commercial about hearing loss and how the old dad is missing out on the conversations because of his deafness.  While watching television (even on loud) Mom is not getting the jokes nor the sequence of events and I realize that she is seriously deaf.  Talking one on one she must be reading our lips to understand us.  Interesting how she has fooled me for how long?

       So yesterday I arranged for an appointment with a hearing loss clinic and when I came home with the news she was all hesitant and telling me she couldn’t afford an aid.  That’s because I told her a colleague had paid $7,000 for her husband’s hearing aid.  Naturally she is freaked out.  But the good news (sort of) is that at this clinic the starting range is $1,800 and they also advised their is some Seniors’ allowance through Alberta Health Care which would reduce the cost to about $1,200.  Still very pricy if you don’t have the money but at least it isn’t $7,000.  Luckily I have a bonus coming up.

       And of course, me being me, I asked our payroll department if I could add my mother on as a dependent.  You can guess what the answer was.  Curiously enough, the advisor told me that I was by no means the first person to ask this question which indicates to me that there are many of us caring for our parents.  And that makes me very glad.  You might find this surprising but remember that I am first generation immigrant so I never saw my parents caring for their own parents as they were back in Denmark.  So all of this is new to me.

       It’s only been two weeks but now I realize what a responsibility it is to care for one’s parents while still allowing them their dignity.  It’s important to respect one’s parents and allow them autonomy.  But I cannot let my mother go around not hearing things, what if a robber should enter the house unbeknownst to her.  I shudder to think what could happen.

Chicken Little Lied

I woke up this morning with trepidation, wondering what my province would look like after the election yesterday.  Looks like the sky didn’t fall after all.  Polls are done why?  So will life go back to normal or will the PC government do some serious analysis of the voting, the campaign and a sense of what Albertans want?   

       Perhaps, but they will be looking at the Wildrose scare and not about the strategic voting that went on from the centre and left wing elements.  I suspect we will see further reductions in social spending because that is apparently what the voters of Wildrose want.  Until their mother has Alzheimer’s or their grandchild is diagnosed with autism when suddenly they discover that there is no government assistance for these people.  But it won’t happen to you so you can be safe in preserving your pittance for a rainy day.  And let a 40 year old government continue to hamster away their own gravy.

       With politics, nothing changes.  The ordinary person will always be left holding the bag; that’s the bag where we have to put in our tax dollars to get . . . nothing much.  A footbridge leading to nowhere particular (and close to another footbridge).  Panda bears.  Artillery because apparently we have an army guarding us . . . in Asia.

       We are a population of some 36 million people, flung across a wide expanse of land but do we have up to date infrastructure to cope with distances?  No.  I’ve heard about “a fast train” between Calgary and Edmonton for the 35 years that I’ve lived in Alberta but no ground has even been broken.  And what about the rest of Alberta, why not a fast train from Medicine Hat all the way to Fort McMurray?  Is everything supposed to be about Edmonton and Calgary?  What about the other 2 million souls in this 3.5 million peopled province?

       Oh, and one final statistic flung out at us.  Currently Calgary has a little more than one million in population.  When I moved to Calgary back in 1976 there was 474,000 people.  It took more than 3 decades to reach one million people, slightly more than doubling it.  But the statisticians are telling us that Calgary will double in 8 years.  All I can say is, you do the math.

Election in Alberta

Today we go to the polls, those of us who believe in exercising our franchise, and for the first time in decades there is a strong possibility that we will have a government not called Conservative officially, although it will be an ultra conservative government.  It is actually scary.  There aren’t many people who don’t vote conservative in this province but those that have been centre or left of centre have dabbled with the thought of voting conservative just so the Wildrose party won’t get in.  My conscience won’t let me stray from my own party colours although I did ponder the strategy myself.  However, bringing the conservatives back in will only give us more of the same.

      So what is “the same”?  What we have seen over Canada and the United States is a growing movement to extremism.  We are seeing cutbacks in social programs, privatization of critical services and skyrocketing costs as a result.  Somehow this is better.  But better for who?  Have you noticed a reduction in your taxes?  I certainly haven’t.  It’s the age old story, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.  To be more specific, for those of us who have spent our whole working lives paying into systems via tax dollars and direct payments to provincial health care, Canada pension plans, Unemployment (now called Employment) Insurance we are now faced with a poorer rather than a better system.  Not only that, we are being accused of being “entitled”.

      I don’t think that it is Entitled Thinking to expect that the services I have paid into for 40 years should be there when I finally need them.  And yet this is the predicament we are threatened with.  Is it because there is no money to fund these services?  Of course not, it is because those in power are choosing to put them money towards something else (God only knows what).  Oh that’s right, some war over in Asia because the bogeyman might say  boo. Or buying airplanes without motors, or submarines for heavens knows what venture.  And let’s say it out loud, embezzlement.  And funding corporations with corporate welfare because that benefits the few which is alright when we have capitalism.

      Because who ever said that Canada was a democracy where the most should be able to hear, see, eat, spell, rest, or have a pot to piss in.  I’m just saying, apparently life isn’t supposed to be fair in Canada.  Because we live beside the “best country in the world” and we know how good they have it.  Hmmmmmmmmm.  Who to vote for?

Sunday Sunshine

We are promised another wonderful day of sunshine which it certainly looks to be happening.  Mom and I spent a marvelous day shopping in various towns and then having lunch at a farm along the highway.  Mom enjoyed visiting with the book club ladies but this morning she is lying in bed resting her ankles!

       We did have a trauma driving along the Deerfoot yesterday.  I made a wrong turn at Southland and had to double back onto the Deerfoot only to find myself unable to merge as the traffic was whizzing by at 100 km an hour and absolutely no chance of whipping in there.  Finally after 10 minutes of signalling and failing to see anyone slow down or move over I just stepped on the gas and shot out only to have the guy behind me honk his horn furiously.  It’s 8:45 on a Saturday morning, can you get a grip and let a person in?  Apparently that was not possible for this clod.  And people wonder why I continue to say that the Deerfoot should be reduced to 80 km!  Through the city the Deerfoot should not be treated as a highway- the speed limit is 100 km but people are travelling at 120 and even 130 km per hour.  It is absolutely insane.  And then when there is a chance that a person make a wrong turn, as I did yesterday, how do you merge off of a tiny road with only about 10 yards of merge length?  You literally cannot even on a Saturday morning with minimal traffic.

       However, the point is not so much the bad design and logic of the city as the utter selfishness of drivers.  Once again I need to vent about how the driving in this city (as elsewhere) indicates the self absorption of our society.  We saw a sports car fly out of a subdivision ramp and speed across three lines, no signalling mind you.  He was obviously a very Special Person, in his own mind.  We, the rest of the traffic, are watching him in awe as he shows off his masculinity in a dinky little blue sports car that tells us he is HOT STUFF.  Then there are the Ram trucks with the body jacked up at last a foot over the tires which shows that these good ole boys are lumberjacks, oh excuse me, they are daredevils who risk their lives in daily pursuit of . . .  what?  Oh, there unit can drive through mud.  Big wow.  And how old are you?  My brother got over playing in mud when he was 2.  Geez.

       When you get on the Deerfoot you are literally taking your life in your hands because you don’t know what nutbar is out there.  I’ll vote for the candidate that says he, or she, will reduce the speed limit on Deerfoot and vigilantly guard that limit.  Oh, and one last thing, after the police officer was killed because he pulled someone over on the Left Hand Shoulder – why do they still do that?  How completely stupid is that?  Do they not have a safety toolbox on the police force where they talk about these kinds of rules?

       Now I will stay in the safety of my yard today and catch me some rays.

Fragments

Since my mother has moved in with me I have gone into nostalgia.  Yesterday my brother brought more of her photo albums to the house and so we spent some time going over the pictures.  Looking at me when I was slim, the kids with braces, Mom with her horses, it just reminded us of how fast time flies by.

      It also showed me how fragile life is.  One minute a person is amongst the living and then they are gone forever.  Looking at pictures of Dad, of Kimberly, of Grandpa made me sad. But then I think of the miracle of pictures and videos.  Imagine all the generations that didn’t have photography, and even our generation where there are no baby videos (or films) of us (unless you were rich, who could afford those Hollywood style films?).  And of course, we have our memories to keep the dear departed with us.

      Watching my mother putz around the kitchen is like seeing her when I was a kid.  She was either in the kitchen cooking up a storm, washing dishes or washing the floor (on hands and knees).  Back in Winnipeg we had hardwood floors and once a month we were in The Danger Zone coming home from school after she’d been on the waxing bender.  We’d come running in the house only to go flying into one wall or the other because she really worked in the elbow grease when she polished the floors.  And I am NOT joking, we really did fly into the walls.  I think we might have broken a Guiness record with how many times we hit the wall.  The wonder is that we never broke an arm or a leg.

      In the afternoon we hung up some pictures and then dusted off some other ones but never managed to get them on the wall.  I ran out of scotch tape to affix the pictures straight in their mats so they will have to languish for another week.  But it’s nice to see things shaping up in my mother’s room and seeing her be more comfortable as she goes around the house.  She tells me she is waiting to get back into the swing of sewing again and can hardly wait to enjoy the sunroom.  So we worked on clearing things out a bit more for her there.  Yesterday we sat on the deck and soaked up some rays and that reminded me of when my mother was a real sunworshiper, lying out on the old fashioned lawn chairs in her bikini.  Yesterday when we went outside she said she wasn’t going to put makeup on because she wanted ‘vitamin D’ on her face.  Isn’t she cute?  Politically correct, too.

Living Life to the Fullest

What does that really mean, living life to the fullest?  Does it mean that we have to be daring or thoughtless?  On the contrary, I believe living life to the fullest means simply to be aware of every moment of every day.  Of always enjoying the experience of living and not being bored.  That isn’t to say that there are not times when one natural wouldn’t be enjoying the experience of, say, a car accident or a wrangle with someone; but overall one is enjoying the fact of being alive.

       Living a full life includes being aware of everything around you, from other people, to nature, to events in the bigger world.  Do you have to be on the world stage in order to live a full life?  In a way, yes, although that does not mean being noticed by others.  It simply means being conscious of the world stage.  In other words, a quiet little grandmother in some corner of the world can be living a full life simply by experiencing everything around her in a conscious way.

       Consciousness is what makes us live a full life.  Not events, not even making a difference necessarily means life is full if consciousness isn’t part of the making.  Sometimes when I watch people on the bus or in the street I wonder what is going on in their minds, especially those who are dozing along.  Is there awareness that they are even in public?  Those who are constantly looking at their cellphone, are they aware of what is happening in their immediate surroundings when they are fascinated by a device?  I say a dubious, perhaps.

       What is a full life?  I’m not sure.  I’m still working on it.

Here I am standing where 2 seas meet, Skagen, Denmark

What Comes Next

I had lunch with a friend the other day and we talked about how things seem to change for us as we get older.  We have more clarity, we told each other.

      We are one year away from turning 60 and we are still trying to figure out life.  It’s an interesting journey if you stop and reflect for a bit.  As children we are simply absorbing everything that comes our way; in our teen years we think about ourselves and what we want; when we get what we want we cope with it, be it relationship, career, debt; in our 40’s we start to reflect but we are still trying to achieve satisfaction in our lives.  In our 50’s I think we are finally starting to get it that life is not about material things and it is not even about relationships.  It is about evolving as human beings, and if we are even wiser, it’s about leaving a footprint, a legacy, or something.

      Ah, or something.  In a nutshell, we are still hoping to have lived a life that in the end meant something to someone.

      But as we try to figure things out I at least have come to realize that it is important to live my life to the fullest every day.  It may not always be easy to act upon it but I do know that being a couch potato is not an option for me.

Surprise Roommate

My readers have likely been wondering why I have been silent for the last few days.  The fact is that I have been terribly busy because I now have a new roommate.  On Wednesday night I got a call from my mother announcing that she was finally ready to move.  Oh, when?  Tomorrow.  Where?  Your house.  Fortuntely I was lying down when she made the announcement.

       Just joking.

       The truth is that all 6 of us siblings have been vying for my mother since my father passed away 11 years ago but she was pretty stuck on staying where she was.  But the last few months she had started to say she was ready to move but just couldn’t make up her mind.  I told her that she needed to give us some warning so we could prepare and that was The Plan.  You know how it seems to go when I have to have a Plan.  Things always go awry. 

       So here we are, me moving things out of rooms, my sister and nephew moving things in for Mom.  Then there was groceries to bring in.  Orientation of the kitchen.  In between we had to lie down to recruit our strength.  Then there were dishes, dishes, dishes to be washed.  My mother is a fanatic about having a clean kitchen and no dirty dishes in the sink.

       I got on the scale for the first time in five days and was considerably nervous to look down.  Luckily it was status quo but only by a miracle.  Mom is cooking great dinners for me but they are healthy with fruit desserts so that is probably why I haven’t gained (yet).  I am being spoiled rotten and loving it.

       I am also super popular with the siblings now.  My phone has been ringing non-stop since the word got out that Mom is here.  Of course, I have to turn the phone over to Mom after one sentence but that’s okay. 

       The pets are having a hard time adjusting, or so I thought until I noticed Thumper siddle up to Mom and meow for a petting.  I told Mom she should be delighted since it took Erik a year to get to that point with Thumper.  And he’s the friendly one!

Steering Clear of Obstacles

Life is full of twists and turns and how we handle them is part of growing into civilized human beings.  I was having a chat with my brother last night and my nefarious neighbour came into the conversation.  I commented that he was one person I truly disliked in this world and Erik reminded me that we shouldn’t carry around burdens such as dislikes since it only weights us down.  True enough but I don’t carry around active dislike, it only creeps in when the annoying jerk intrudes into my life as he currently is doing.

      But enough about me.  I notice that there are a lot of people in the world who worry and nitpick to such an extent that it is ruining their happiness.  Over the years I have worked in large companies and extremely small ones but as an observer of people it seems inevitable that one person will have a personality that will eventually grate on me.  I’ve learned that none of them are in my control so while they can be annoying the best thing is to ignore and avoid them so that they don’t upset your life.

      Here’s an example of what I mean by grating on me.  I worked at a car dealership which was owned by an American couple.  First of all the situation was kind of weird in that there was only one desk and one chair so Debbie and I would have to take turns sitting down at the desk.  Naturally I felt awkward sitting down when the boss’s wife was standing so guess who sat in the chair most of the time.  Now that didn’t irritate me but it wasn’t long before I began to notice how inconsistent she was.  She would tell me as one rancher after another came in that she had a crush on him, and wasn’t he oh so cute and so on.  But when he came in 6 weeks later she wouldn’t remember his name.  Within three months I knew pretty much all of our regulars’ names and every morning I would go to the schedule to scan all the names so that I would remember them when they came in.  How hard is that to figure out?  Apparently that isn’t something a Texan can figure out even after 5 years of working there.  She could never balance the cash at the end of the day without it being a long and frustrating process and she couldn’t understand that I could have it done in less than 15 minutes so she was always implying that I wasn’t doing it right.  Now that is something that can grate on a person’s nerves, what with her being the boss’s wife and all.  I would just smile and shrug my shoulders.  Then after a while she would start to be disruptive during cashout time; while I was supposed to be cashing out she was supposed to take care of the final customers of the day but she would suddenly disappear into the back of the shop and I would have to stop what I was doing to take care of business.  Somehow I would manage to get back to the cashout and get it done.  But about a year and a half later, one day and for whatever reason that I still don’t know, I supposedly cashed out but had not balanced.  I wasn’t aware of the error.  The following day I couldn’t find the accounts to do the back end entries and when I asked Debbie where they were she said she didn’t know but I detected a guilty look in her eyes, and a gleam of satisfaction.   Hmm.  I waited for her to disappear and then I whipped into Art’s office and it only took me a second to realize that I had not finished up.  I was shocked and didn’t understand how it had happened.  Of course, Debbie had disappeared and there had been a flurry of activity but for the past year it hadn’t bothered me so I was considerably surprised that I had made such a mistake.  However I realized immediately that I was in a no-win situation and so I tackled the problem, balanced, concluded the back end and put everything back in Art’s office before he got in.  I waited.  Sure enough Art called me into his office and asked me how it was possible for me to balance.

      I looked him dead in the eye and said “I don’t know.”

      He was flummoxed.  He had expected excuses and self-justification and he got nothing but a passive acknowledgement.  He persevered by reminding me that we “had procedures”.  I nodded agreement and kept my mouth shut.  He continued on about the procedures.  I nodded again.  He repeated a third time about the procedures and said I was to do it exactly as it was printed out.  And in my mind I thought “tell that to your fucking wife, asshole”.  I just continued to look him in the eye and nod.  He gave up but I am sure he realized that he had lost the battle.

      I returned to the desk and I could see Debbie sitting there and gloating.  I just kept on the placid face and took the next customer and she flew back into Art’s office to find out what had happened.  She came back and gave me an odd look.  I just looked like a cow chewing cud.  I needed the job and wasn’t going to give in to anger.  That was the day I learned to control my temper even though I would have dearly loved to retaliate.  After a year and a half of balancing every day, how should a boss handle an error?  Pulling a loyal employee on the carpet in such a sneaky, underhanded way is disgusting.  I lost all respect for both of them that day, even though I hardly had any for Debbie at that point.  Loathsome.

      As you can see I still get ticked off when I think about it.  But the point of this long story is that I don’t think about it.  This was some 16 or 17 years ago, whatever under the bridge.  I only hauled it out to make a story for today. 

      Enough said.

Habit Forming

We’ve all heard that doing something for 3 weeks (or seven) will groove some things into a habit but have you noticed that all the evil things only takes one try (like crystal meth).  I have tried to make exercise a habit but it is  darned hard one to break in.  But my brother Erik tells me that it can be just like a drug once you get into the way of doing it well.  It must be something that takes years of practice at and I still haven’t got to that point. 

       When I read how other people have got into doing something (in the way of exercise) I think that it sounds too easy and I wonder if they are really just pulling our legs.  They probably got liposuction and stomach stapling and heavens’ only knows what all to get into shape.  Yes, that’s the discouraged soldier talking.  I did manage to climb on the treadmill yesterday but all I could do was walk since I am still suffering with my back, shoulders, spine, and other parts of my body that shall remain unnamed.  The good news was that once I was done the 30 minute walk I actually felt a lot better.  It’s still feeling pretty good this morning so when the Dreaded Trainer comes tonight I won’t be able to whine “I’m hurt”.

       Actually Erik has a passion for running and he is trying to encourage me into taking more interest in all aspects of running.  He called me up on Sunday to tell me that the Sportscheck in Chinook Centre had a sale on shoes.  He was being very optimistic in thinking that I would drive to Chinook at any time, never mind late on Easter Sunday!  I told him that I’d let my running shoes wear out before I spend $150 on a pair of “sale” shoes.  Then he mentioned a book he had lent me some years ago which he wants me to dig out of my basement and start reading as it will encourage me to get to “the next level”.  I’m at a level?  Well, I guess that is encouraging as I can only go up from here.

       Seriously though, having someone to encourage and motivate one to get up off the couch is so important.  What you don’t need is the devil’s advocate that pats you on the back and allows you to eat 6 more cookies and another cup of coffee.  And a little bit of guilt can go a long way in pushing a person out of the sofa.  Knowing the Dreaded Trainer was coming tonight I knew I had to get in the Monday night work out so I wouldn’t hurt myself tonight.  There are ways, and there are ways.

       Major goal over the 6 months is to learn to love running.

Decisions, decisions

I’ve spent most of the weekend cleaning the house and yard and yet it looks like I never even bothered.  It’s discouraging.

      While I’ve been sitting here eating my breakfast and wondering what on earth to write about this morning I was startled to hear some kind of grinding noise.  It sounded like a fan refusing to turn over but I have wandered around the house listening for the sound and cannot discover what it is.  I nervously hope it is not the furnace about to blow up.  Ka-ching.

      I was tossing and trying not to turn for quite some time before the alarm rang this morning.  I’m still suffering from Shopping Shoulder Syndrome (or something) with the added complication of grinding teeth.  That’s from avoiding unpleasantness and then thinking about it in my dreams.  So as I lay there this morning hoping it was still midnight I thought about giving up my parking in downtown Calgary.  The strain of rush hour traffic is too much for me.  Not to mention the pressure on the budget.  Isn’t it amazing that with some 400 people in the company there isn’t one person who (apparently) comes in from the south end?

      The truth is people prefer their own independence and are unwilling to flex their hours or lose control of their own personal time.  Lest you start pointing fingers, no, I am not one of them.  I’ve been willing to change my hours to accommodate others but to no avail.  So it’s time to consider giving up the parking.  Once it’s done I probably won’t have an opportunity to get it back so it’s a serious decision.  But having suffered my first accident in 40 years only weeks after starting the full drive my confidence is shattered as well as my calm.  I think I’ve pretty much made up my mind.  It’s got to go.

Random Thoughts

I got a great surprise from my accountant earlier this week; I am getting a refund.  And here I was, thinking I would have to pay.  Don’t you love those kind of surprises?

 April is the month where you start looking at Spring Cleaning projects and finally have the energy to tackle them.  I was bustling around yesterday both in the house and the yard but you wouldn’t know it by looking around the house and yard.  There’s still a lot of work ahead of me.  My little sister had us all out for dinner yesterday and I mumbled something about the pain in my shoulder at which point she turned around and asked “Are you telling me you have Shopping Shoulder Syndrome?”  Ah, yes?

       It’s true, I was carrying super heavy shopping bags around the streets of New York City and I have damaged my shoulder.  Let me just tell you something, if you are dying or having a baby you cannot get a taxi at 4:00 on a Friday afternoon in NYC because they are waiting at the subway for their shift change.  I am not kidding you.  I cannot count the amount of cabs that turned us down; two desperate Canadian women loaded down with bags.  Seriously, you are not hungry enough to take a fare?  Apparently in Calgary at least the cabs are not allowed to decline a fare and I say, thank God for that law!  It’s your job for heaven’s sake, why would you say no?

       So I am currently the walking wounded (I was going to write more specifically but I thought in case of accidents I wouldn’t incriminate myself), again, should I censor myself or should I note “this is tongue in cheek”?  Let’s live dangerously, and let it stand.

       Watching The View yesterday there was a clip of Alicia Silverstone regurgitating her food into her child’s mouth which she apparently posted on U-Tube and it has gone viral.  My question is, why would you do that?  Wouldn’t it be more sanitary to put it in a food processor and give your child nice clean food?  That is just too weird.  If you are going to play around, can’t it be private? 

       Okay, here I am blogging about random thoughts and planning to post it on the internet for all to see the inner workings of my Saturday morning brain.  Why am I doing it?  Because I can?  I don’t know why.  So I suppose I shouldn’t be critical of Alicia, except to say, don’t complain when it comes back to hit you on the head.

       However, I want it both ways.  If we have the freedom of speech (and videoing) then what we say should be allowed without the backlash of the law.  I’m not referring to hate type things (use your common sense) but I am talking about the backsliding into McCarthyism.  When we talk about our political leanings I do not believe that it should be held against a person in another venue.  I can see that happening again though because I see such a strong swing to the right that I am seriously alarmed for the world.  Does this comment make me a threat to the world in years to come?  Only to those who want to suppress free thought but for a rational person, no.

       And such are my thoughts as I drink my first cup of coffee and watch the sun spread slowly over my front lawn, melting the latest cloth of snow.

What is Happiness?

What is happiness? 

In one sense it is simply being relieved of care.  When one is under particular stress all that would make them happy is “not having a care in the world”.  More often though happiness is a state of being uplifted.  It is said that serotonin is one of the key chemicals in the brain that affects whether or not we have depression.  Going one step further if you have plenty of serotonin one is likely to be a happy person.  But even if you have a lot of serotonin if you have too many worries happiness will be elusive.

Happiness is not the material world, those are pleasant things to have and naturally if one has money it is one less worry a person has.  If one has a good boss that is another stress gone.  If one has good relations with one’s family, again, no stress there.  If a person has one good friend, they are rich in what matters.  If the sun is shining, the world is smiling.

Attempting to write about happiness I find myself pondering what makes me happy and I find myself saying that as long as there are no complications in my life any small thing will make me happy.  Even if there are concerns looming, if I can put them away for a while, then I can be happy watching my pets groom themselves or looking at my flourishing ivy plant.  Just a little effort can bring a person happiness.

I recommend you try it.

It's Coming Around the Corner

I had a very odd dream last night but even in the dream I forgot what I was going to say.  Now that is very disconcerting!  Do you find yourself half way through a sentence and then forget what you wanted to say?  My most memorable blank moment (now there’s an oxymoron for you) came when I was doing a question and answer period during a political campaign.  It was about half way through the campaign and I got a question that I had answered a dozen times before and suddenly my mind went blank.  I couldn’t for the life of me remember what I wanted to say and I ended up having to confess it.  Talk about embarrassing.  And that was when I was just turned 40 so there was no question about peri-menopause forgetfulness. 

       If you have read “Still Alice” you will understand how scary it can be when you start to see yourself forgetting more and more often.  Is it early onset Alzheimer’s, you ask yourself.  Is it the beginning of the end for you.

       Thankfully while at work I am still completely on the ball, it’s when I am at home that I find myself asking more often “now where did I put that?” and not remembering it right away.  The old trick of walking back to my starting point is failing me more often these days.  And when I say to myself “it will come to me in a minute” I find that minute never arrives.

       But the good news, I hope, is that I attribute this forgetfulness in simply having too much on the mind.  I don’t think we give ourselves credit for just how much we are carrying around with in our daily lives.  I know I’ve talked about this before but when you think about all the things you do in a day, worry about in a day and juggle in a day, give yourself a little break when it comes to being forgetful.  And for heavens’ sake, start exercising so you get that oxygen flowing in your veins and bringing life back into your body. 

       That’s my thought for the day.  I think.

April is here, is spring far behind?

      I’m back from 5 days away in NYC and I’m glad to find that the weather here is as nice as in the east.  The tulips and cherry blossoms were out in full force and yesterday we had this fantastic misty type of rain that does wonders for the complexion and depending on your hair, it can get very curly.  Here my day lilies are coming up in the front and my tulips are showing about one inch above ground.  But at least there wasn’t any snow on the ground when we landed.

      Living in Southern Alberta is very challenging when it comes to weather because we never know if we should get excited and start pulling out our spring or summer things because we can get hit by frost or snow in any month of the year.  But this year it does seem to me that I feel the weather has changed for the better and we are going to have a mild spring and summer.  When I reflect on the past few springs that weren’t, well, I can only say that I hope I am right.

      So what does a person do when a mild spring is on the horizon?  Haul out the potting pots, the potting soil and start going over the seeds.  Uncoil the outdoor hoses and start sprinkling down the trees and grass.  Start inspecting the flowerbeds and raking up the leaves that somehow didn’t get raked last fall.  It’s too early to feel the heat coming out of the ground but I can see little green specks of this and that coming up.  That’s promising.  Walk around the property and start hauling dead branches and twigs to the wood pile and at the same time determine which trees need chopping down or just a trimming.

      Spring is a time of bustling activity and anticipation of warm days ahead.  Oh, and did I mention, it’s time to get out the running shoes and start jogging again.  I knew there was a catch somewhere.