Pacing Myself

Actually I am not sure that “pacing myself” is an accurate description of how I pace my days. The truth is that I waste a lot of time playing solitaire on my iPad and watch way too much television even if it is “educational”. I have found that keeping myself organized and writing down what I have been doing on a given day makes me much more accountable to myself. At least I feel that I have accomplished some things during the day which makes me feel better about myself.

I realize that I am in a difficult situation with my illness but I don’t want it to be an excuse for being downright lazy since there are plenty of things that I am still capable of even if I do have to, quite literally, pace myself. As long as I can sit on a stool or chair I am able to do a lot of re-potting of my seedlings. I do have to stand and walk to do the watering but if I take it slow and steady I am able to do that without any problem at all.

I am extremely comfortable in my executive chair as I sit at my computer and write my blogs, go through my emails and even check my genealogy charts. Since sitting is very good for my condition (rather than lying down) it is a good place for me to be, here in the office. I just wish I had more exciting things to write about than my “journaling” but I know many of my followers aren’t so keen when I write my political rants and of course politics is so very interesting (and frustrating) these days.

Now I am having all these struggles with time management, trying not to let myself lose the quality of that time and I know that while my illness may serve as an excuse I do wonder if I would be better at this if I was healthy. I hope so since I certainly feel that I was very good at squeezing a lot of things into my day before my diagnosis. So here’s a question for my readers, do you analyze your time? Is it well spent with socializing, engaging your brain and exercising both your body and mind? I really hope so. While you should always cut yourself some slack when you aren’t feeling great it is important to be able to differentiate between feeling low and being lazy. I think one of the best ways of figuring it out is whether or not you are capable of giving yourself a push to take a walk around the block.

Now wouldn’t it be great if this infernal weather would take a permanent turn towards decent summertime weather???????????????

Disasters in the Kitchen

I don’t do a lot of cooking since my mother moved in some 6 years ago but once upon a time I was pretty handy around the kitchen. Lately when I have had to be the chef I have had varied success even when it comes to my baking. I’ve lost my groove. Last night I put a frozen “chicken wellington” in the oven, following the instructions and was terribly disappointed with the result. First of all it was burnt but worse yet the inside was as dry as cement. It was ghastly and I am appalled that I have 3 more of those suckers to cook. I’ve decided to lower the heat, reduce the cooking time and also wrap it in tinfoil when next I venture on making one of them. And hey, that was a pre-made meal!

I have never been very good at frying any kind of meat and Mom isn’t very good at it either so we usually get John to fry a steak (not that we have that often as Mom and I are not very fond of steak either). When it comes to chicken I prefer to grill them which usually turns out well. The only meat I actually do really well is roasting a chicken or roast beef. I also make a very good salmon.

I am starting to sound an awful lot like my mother; I have little appetite for big meals and even less for meat. I’m what you might call a picaterian!

Henrietta-Penguina

When hens get egg bound (that means an eggs has become stuck going through her system) they will begin to waddle and also they will tilt so that they walk more like a penguin than a hen. In the past I had tried to save them by bathing them in Epsom salts but I never saved a single one. Then I had a year or two where my hens were doing well and didn’t have the problem but now I have had 6 or 7 hens die one after another due to this egg bound problem.

I got on the computer again to see if there was anything new that might make a difference and I found a video where the lady bathed the hen for several days but in conjunction with that she gave the hen crushed calcium pills on the food. Suddenly I realized that my hens were lacking calcium so John went out to buy oyster shells (something that I used to have on hand but hadn’t been using in recent years). I have one little Penguina who is being kept apart while I nurse her with the new formula. She is really quite adorable, she peeps all the time as though she is trying to tell me what her situation is. She is pretty docile and doesn’t fight with me so I am feeling hopeful that maybe, just maybe, this time I may save a dear little Henrietta!

I will keep you posted.

Discontent

I pondered on what to use for the title of this blog because I don’t want red flags waving inappropriately as I talk about things like white supremacy, racism, gun violence and other civil unrest. News programs “discuss” this regularly and the solution, “they” seem to believe, starts with awareness. Awareness? Are you kidding me; I think we all are aware that children are being shot in schools, synagogues, mosques and churches have all been assaulted. I think we are all AWARE.

Yes, I get a little incensed at the shallowness of analysis but that doesn’t mean that I have the answer. Or rather, I didn’t feel that I had an answer (as my last blog noted). But I began to recall a conversation I had with a fellow NDP’er back in 1993 when I was a candidate and the lightbulb turned on for me, again. When it comes to people’s discontent we have to look at the true source of that discontent and the answer – whether they realize it or not – is poverty. Poverty can take many forms, it isn’t just a case of a person being homeless or starving. It can be a case of under-employment, of working several jobs and still not having enough money to pay the rent and buy food. It can be a middle class person who has a decent job but still cannot afford to send their children to college. It can be college graduates who are loaded down with debt and they also are under-employed despite that expensive education. It can be feeling insecure about how long you may have your job and then when “refugees” come into the country you fear that you will lose your job to cheap labour.

Business and government need to address the employment gap in a new way which includes fair wages, benefits and good hours. There are huge opportunities to build jobs while tackling some of the major issues of our day such as renewable energy (to combat climate change) and infrastructure to protect vulnerable areas from flooding. Another huge issue is how to deal with the incredible amount of garbage that results from packaging. I was absolutely staggered a few years ago when I learned that Canada had been “exporting” garbage to China, the Philippines and other areas for decades! Recently I learned that it wasn’t just garbage but our recycling was also being exported. What is the point of everyone recycling when we are creating an even larger footprint but shipping this stuff overseas (and let’s not kid ourselves, all that plastic in the ocean is NOT coming from tourists throwing straws overboard but dumping of said garbage)?

Another little factoid that should rile people up is how much taxpayer dollars is used for various types of research as well as developing infrastructure only to then have the benefits turned over to private corporations who reap billions of dollars (and don’t pay taxes, just to add insult to injury).

There are a lot of areas that need fixing but first of all we need to be AWARE.

Did I just say that?

What is Normal Thinking?

Here she goes again! I know you are groaning but today I am actually going to ask a profound question. How do you make people intelligent? Forget DNA and IQs, what I am asking is how do you boost the average person from being average to informed?

Is it a question of education only or does example play a role? Does exposure to experiences need to be added? How do you teach one to analyze what is being taught, shown or experienced? What tools are needed and how do they get them? Mental tools, educational tools, experiential tools where do they come from.

In other words, is it even possible to make an average person MORE?

Now why am I asking this question? It is really very simple, when one feels that she is the lone voice in a wilderness it can be very worrying. One questions her own thoughts, ideas, values and principles only to shake her head and say “no, I am sure I am on the right path so why aren’t others with me?” That leads one to ask the next question “what is normal thinking”? Who sets the benchmark for what is “normal” and “acceptable”? We can pose this question on anything from politics, social issues or science issues (yes, I am thinking about climate change).

Lastly, is it important to have everyone “on side”? To this question I do have an answer; while it is nice to have everyone on board it would be dull if we didn’t have varying opinions on certain topics. However, on certain issues I do think that we humans should be of one mind because it is my unwavering belief that we humans are capable of so much more than what we currently are. In that regard I believe that our parenting and our education system are letting us down. We should not be looking for “achievement” as the goal for our children; rather we should be helping them to build their character, their values, their principles to a level aspired to in the societies and philosophies of yore.

It’s not important to get into Yale, it’s important to understand the true meaning of Life.

Beautiful People

So People magazine came out with their annual “beautiful people” issue and once again I felt I should weigh in with my opinion (despite not having read this particular issue). I am thinking that with the tremendous shift in “hot topics” beauty and glamour should be passé and Character should be front and centre.

My choice is clear – David Attenborough and Greta Thunberg.

Attenborough has been bringing nature to us for countless decades (after all he is 92 years old and as sharp as ever). I recently watched an absolutely horrifying clip from his latest Netflix series that showed walruses literally falling off cliffs and dying on the rocks below which still has been in shock. Our natural world has passed the brink of crisis and if we don’t act NOW to stop climate change we are going to lose a lot more animals and plants to extinction. It will be catastrophic as well as tragic.

Sixteen year old Greta Thunberg has rallied a global demand for political and economic action to fight climate change. She began a solitary school strike outside the Swedish parliament in August of 2018 but soon attracted media attention that has led to 1.4 million students around the globe joining her in the school strikes, demanding that politicians “and adults” do something about the threat to our planet.

In their own very different ways and with decades between them in age these are two world heroes in standing up for this planet we call Earth. I salute you and call you Beautiful People from the inside out.

Pets and Girlfriends

Yesterday I talked about music and how important it is for the soul. Today I am sitting here in the office and Thumper is curled up in the secretary’s chair while Cherie sits in the doorway contemplating my every mood. Over the last week I have had visits and phone calls from girlfriends and I can gratefully say “my cup runneth over”.

My two boys (that would be Thumper and Cherie) sleep with me every night. Before I tell them to go down to my “footsies” they have the privilege of laying up close to my face while I pet the two little peas in the pod and speak inanities to them. They naturally believe the words are pearls of wisdom from their mama and as I stroke about their ears, neck and chin they purr their contentment. While I may be giving them pleasure and happiness my own soul is filled with peace and its own happiness in their companionship.

Then I think about the nice visit I had with one girlfriend and the pleasant conversations I had with a couple of other friends and I smile in even more happiness. A person can be content with their own company and for those who find that impossible I have a great deal of sympathy however I have come to realize with every year that passes that friendships are incredibly important to our well being. Being the oldest of six when I was young I always felt that I could never get enough of solitude since it was such a scarce commodity in our house! Different circumstances and different phases of our lives means alteration in our needs.

Stay tuned to what your soul is thirsting for and find ways to assuage it. A word from the wise (she chuckles).

Snow?

Looks like the prediction for snow all week has come to fruition but I will not let it put a damper on my spirits. As I sit here writing the last sentence I find myself in awe at the power of a positive attitude. I feel strong and happy with a lot of things ruminating in the brain as “projects” to complete in the next few months. When I consider how downtrodden I had been feeling the past two weeks my heart is overwhelmed with compassion for those people who live with constant depression and also those who, while not chronically depressed, have a less than happy outlook on life most of the time. You poor things, I wish I could bottle happiness and you could uncork it, take a whiff and bounce around like the Ever-ready Rabbit!

Yesterday while driving to the garbage dump with my weekly load of garbage they were playing Moni, Moni which has such an amazing beat that I was singing along, bobbing about all the way there. On the homeward drive they played the “here for a good time, not a long time” (I am so terrible at remembering song titles – always have been) which has a nice beat and a philosophy equivalent to carpe diem. I realize what I have been missing for a while and that is the music which I used to play all the time. I had to stop playing it because Mom is not a fan of the new music and now I cannot find my CD player! Sabotage or what?

I never realized how much music can mean in keeping one’s mood in good order so “put the record on” and forget about the snow. J

Sunshine and Happiness

The power of a sunny day is remarkable. One can spring out of bed despite aches and pains, open up windows and doors to let nature in and critters out and take a second cup of coffee out on a cosy deck. Even a grumpy person has to smile once in a while and when is that more likely than on a sunshiny spring day? The sun, as we most likely know, gives us a lot of personal energy with the Vitamin D we absorb through our skin. We may not be aware of how much we literally thirst for it during the winter months but it’s a little bit of heaven to sit on a deck chair, lean back with closed eyes and feel the heat and glow touch one’s face.

As I was soaking up the pleasure of the sun this morning I was inspired to putz around in the greenhouse with my tomato and pepper plants. The other day a girlfriend posted a picture of her plants and sadly my own looked very pathetic in comparison. It was time to give them some Miracle Gro and a little repotting wouldn’t go amiss either. One of my greatest pleasures is to get dirty in the potting shed (also known as the greenhouse) while I imagine the fruits of my labour later in the summer. There is nothing as tasty as a fresh tomato plucked from the vine or a strawberry fresh off the plant.

The green thumb may be a little pale still but I am learning more every year about what works and what doesn’t. Ahh, the joy!

Climbing out of the Abyss

It’s been nearly two weeks since I was capable of writing a blog. I was in a state of mental chaos and not a little depression caused by a lot of pain, grey skies, horrific non-stop winds and a provincial election that had me either pulling out my hair or ranting. Yesterday I went to see my oncologist and despite not feeling terribly encouraged I actually felt better. Go figure. 
I do not think that I have ever been “down” for two whole weeks and before John and I took off for my appointment in Calgary yesterday I had a little chat with him and Mom explaining that a night or two ago I had actually thought about giving up, I was that discouraged by the pain and lack of quality of life. But just saying the words out loud seemed to crystalize a rebellion in me that “no, this is not who I am”. I don’t know if that is what it was but certainly I started feeling better about myself.
So I have been trying to analyze myself and my bounce back which can be very difficult indeed. I wondered “am I a people pleaser after all”? Have I bounced back because I don’t want to let my family and friends down? But no, that would take too much energy and Pollyanna though I may be I am not a bloody saint!
I think the truth is that I like the idea of being a survivor. It has always been my goal that if Armageddon happened I would be a survivor which is why I have always been intrigued by dramas like “Jericho” or “The Stand”. I remember one of my sisters asking me “why would you think you would be a survivor” and I responded “what’s the point, otherwise?”
I don’t like the idea of being a quitter and so I am back in the saddle without any plans of riding into the sunset just yet. Instead I plan on riding into a summer filled with gardening projects and a lot of girlfriend lunches!

Seeing through the Mist

“The most fortunate are those who have a wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy.” ― Abraham Maslow

 

The above quote was given in one of the recent meditations by Oprah & Deepak. It resonated with me since this is what I was attempting to say about myself in my last blog. The capacity to appreciate is a gift and not something that one somehow develops, at least that is how it seems to me. Although I cannot say that I have ever experienced ecstasy in nature I have very much felt the other 3 sensations of awe, pleasure and wonder and all with the added zest of humour. 
I had a lovely lunch with some ladies that I do not see as often as I would like but this visit brought back to me how very powerful socialization is in order for one to keep their mind in perfect balance. Relating to others in a meaningful way is so rewarding and enriching and a long dismal winter can sometimes deprive us of our social contacts (most especially when we are retired and no longer going to work, seeing folks on the bus or train and then interacting in the workplace). I wonder if others who are retired have experienced this awakening to the value of their social circle? I truly hope that all my friends and readers have absorbed my advice with respect to the 6 pieces of the retirement pie. I didn’t invent this criteria but found it during my early research and have found it very valuable and in fact TRUE WISDOM.
Staying grateful somehow just makes everything more positive and endurable. Having wonderful people around one (physically and through media) is a bonus that never goes stale.

Palliative Care Update

Yesterday I had a marathon session with two palliative care nurses wherein I answered a myriad of questions and had various discussions on topics such as practical goals, real life goals and attitude towards my illness and my life. I was surprised when the one lady asked permission to quote my philosophy when I said that I had thought hard about my prognosis and decided that, while being realistic, I would not live my life with the idea that I couldn’t plant a tree because I wouldn’t be here to see it grow. Who knew I would be so quotable?

At the end of the 90 minute session she summed me up by saying that I had done all of the work, that I had an excellent positive attitude and that I should do well going forward. In other words, I didn’t need her because I had already done all of the hard work myself. Well, I cannot take full credit for any of that because as I have said many times in person and in my writings I feel that I have been blessed with a very positive personality and that has sustained me through all my trials and tribulations. It doesn’t hurt to have a good sense of humour also.

So who knew that I would get a gold star in palliative care?

Oh, and one more bit of good news – she told me that it is very rare for cancer patients to actually have a long, lingering period of suffering at the end. I was so relieved to know this because one of my biggest concerns has been worrying about my mother having to see me suffer because she is not very stalwart in that department (that is, she falls apart). So grateful she won’t have to see any of that (or very little). The other good news is that there is a program in our small town where I will get personal care when the time comes and it shouldn’t cost anything. Another load off my mind.

Of course, my cup runneth over.