The Year in Review

So let’s be methodical about this:

• January 2010 – weight jumped dramatically and sent me into a tailspin. Started my eleventh year commuting to Calgary.
  
• February 2010 – I went to Mexico for the first time, with my sister Charlotte. Loved the shopping, the temperature was perfect, wrote a lot of haiku. Third anniversary with my company.
  
• March 2010 – back to miserable weather in Calgary.
  
• April 2010 – my brother Erik moved in permanently (started the move back in February)
  
• May 2010 – my annual girls’ weekend in B.C. What a beautiful place to live, spring starts so early.
  
• June 2010 – started the great adventure – 6 phases to my cement driveway; enjoyed my sunroom immensely. My sister Jeanette came to visit, we went to Banff with our nephew.
  
• July 2010 – enjoying the sunroom as summer is tepid.
  
• August 2010 – relaxing at home. My great-nephew Scott was born on the last day of August. Final milestone celebration with the project, went to Banff Springs Hotel for a weekend, all expenses paid.
  
• September 2010 – milestone at work, First Steam on the facility I helped build. Forty first anniversary of my friendship with Silvia and forty second with my friend Ninette.
  
• October 2010 – I go to NYC for the very first time on a wild shopping spree. What a ride! Also made commitment to go to Ecuador in January.
  
• November 2010 – started up my blog in a serious way. Eighth anniversary of The Awesome Chicks Book Club.
  
• December 2010 – got a handle on my weight loss; finished all my vaccinations for my trip to South America and began the packing and shopping. Enjoyed family and friends.

I did quite a bit of traveling but otherwise my life is not very adventurous or exciting but then whose is? I am sure that celebrities’ lives are generally pretty much like ours; they just seem glamorous because that’s what the media shows us. Day to day, I go to work and that work is rather mediocre but the company I work for builds and produces facilities for oil and gas which is valued added business. So it is, in a roundabout way, meaningful work. I give emotional support to my family, especially my mother. I read a lot and enjoy books with a number of interesting women in our book club. I mentor a few women at work and outside of work and that is perhaps my proudest moments.

Over the years I’ve cared for a number of cats and dogs and they are treasured pets and memories.

All in all, I am a very lucky person with a small but valuable life. I feel blessed. My cup runneth over.

This is a painting my grandfather purchased many years ago. It speaks to me.

Day Ten - Sort Of

Technically this is Day 10 since I started on Dec 21^st but let’s give me one more day. You might have noticed that I have not been going whoohoo the last couple of days. Yes, I had some upward mishaps but have since gone down but so far not beyond my 2.6 lbs that I worked my way towards. The good news, however, is that I have not tipped the scales upwards another 5 lbs over the holidays, as I have been wont to do the last 10 years. So that is a big plus. Three cheers for “watching what I eat”. Also, doing some workouts has helped quite a lot as well. [I am back down 2.4 lbs, which is a miracle].

I think key to losing weight or maintaining your weight is to be focused, to be determined and to not give up. It is easy to get discouraged, absolutely, but I hope that you have taken my lead and are taking a look at Richard Simmons’ blog every morning. He is so upbeat and encouraging he just can’t help but kick butt. Do yourself a favour, if you aren’t up to following two blogs, follow Richard first, me second. That is, if you are on a weight loss program. I am not here to do that, it’s just one of the things that a middle aged woman naturally has on her mind.

Menopause is brutal to women in so many aspects of our lives, but one of the biggest and most noticeable is weight gain. For women like me, who never had to think about diets until she got well into her forties, it is a struggle that I bitterly resent. But some 12 years later I think I finally have some solutions to my problem, and one of them is simply recognizing that I cannot eat without thinking. I have to pay attention to what I eat. If I don’t I am going to be really depressed when I get on that scale. The other thing is that I have to step up my exercise and/or activity regime. It is fatal to stay on the couch watching television. Most of the time I am not even really watching TV, I am just vegging. Since I started blogging at least I am sitting down with my hands busy on the keyboard so I don’t have to keep them busy stuffing food in my mouth. For a while when I first hit menopause I was cross-stitiching like mad and that kept my hands busy, but since my eyes (another issue I have with menopause, the eye thing) have deteriorated to such an extent that dim light (aka night time light) makes it impossible to do good work while cross stitiching, I’ve had to give that up as a nighttime hobby.

So Day 10 is a Victory Day for me. One of loss (the good kind), of recognition and of MINDFULNESS.

This picture is of me at Skagen, Denmark, with my feet in 2 oceans.

Holidays Fly By, and a word about HAIR

It is crazy how much faster holidays fly by than regular work days! I just want to hold on to the days between Christmas and New Year, enjoying the lazy days, the visiting with family and friends, and yes even though I feel guilty, enjoying the good food and snacking. After all, I have time to get on the treadmill and on the stationery bike. I can go on long walks as long as the wind isn’t too horrific and basically do my workouts early in the morning and not be worried about my hair.

Hair. Hair is an obsession with women. It is beyond an obsession with my mother. Her hair has been a topic of conversation for years. My father, when courting her, thought she had the most beautiful long dark hair ever and, being the romantic that he was, wanted to stroke her hair, just like he had read in one of his French novels. From day one the response was “don’t touch my hair.” Naturally, he was a little surprised but thought she was just being modest. He soon learned, Mom’s hair was to be admired, not touched. Even today, at the tender age of 77, my mother is vain about her hair.

My father had wonderful nice hair as well. When young his hair was jet black. I mean, his hair was so black that it shone blue, seriously. Blue black. I’ve never known anyone with hair as black as his. And it was wavy, naturally. Not curly, just a nice wave. Gorgeous hair. All of us kids had lots and lots of hair, but none of us were as dark as dad. Four of my siblings had blonde hair, John’s was almost white blonde when he was a kid. Mine was mousy brown and Erik’s was darker brown but not as dark as my mother’s which was a rich dark cocoa brown. But we had lots of it. My sister, the hairdresser, says that she used twice as many rollers in my hair as an ordinary person. I remember once John, Erik and I were sitting at the breakfast table on Christmas morning when my dad came in for his coffee and looked around in amusement. So I took a look around at my two brothers. Their hair was sticking out all on end just like Einstein’s, as was mine, and then dad said.

“This family sure has a lot of hair.”

Jeanette and I used to have our hair done by our mother every morning in a ponytail or pigtails. For years we used to put our hands to our ears as she whipped the elastic back and forth, tight, tight, so it wouldn’t hit our ears. I don’t know why but we never complained, just put our hands over the ears. Years later Charlotte was having her hair done by Mom and she whispered sotto voice “I hope she doesn’t sling my ears.” My mother started laughing so hard. I don’t know if she knew all along that we were suffering or if she finally realized why we had put our hands up. With mothers, you just never know what is going on in their minds!

Why Aren’t You Married?

If I had a hundred dollars for every time I’ve been asked that question I would be a very wealthy woman. It’s not that I mind being asked the question but how does one answer?

I’ve never been asked.

Just lucky I guess.

I’ve never found the right one.

The right one has never found me.

We moved a lot.

I don’t know.

Sometimes I just shrug my shoulders. I never say the one that I think about the most. That there is something wrong with me. That I am unattractive. That I am too forceful a character. That I am too wishy-washy. That I am too reserved. All the negative things that a single woman is bound to think about when she is left on the shelf (what I nice old-fashioned saying). In nature, when a mare is taken out of the herd because she cannot breed that is called “culling”. I’ve been culled. That always makes me depressed but I used to think about that quite a lot, particularly when I was in my forties.

Just in the last month I’ve been asked this question by four different people. I know they are sincerely interested in the answer. All four persons said they didn’t understand why I was single because I was such a beautiful person. What a lovely thing to say, and I knew they meant it. I suppose that is why they are curious. I don’t seem the kind of person one would normally expect to stay single. I’m not ugly, or stupid, or unkind.

It’s a mystery.

But I like my aunt’s question better. She asks “Are Canadian men stupid?”

I tell her yes. J

Day 7 - What do Canadians Really Want?

I haven’t been on the scale this morning but I have already read Richard who has made the plea to stay on goal, stay focused for the next 7 days (until January 2^nd) and not enter 2011 with more weight. Sounds exactly like my plan and so I will do more exercises and choose wisely.

Yesterday I had a lovely afternoon and evening with friends. And I did say no to extra helpings (though I confess I did have seconds – I’d like to say healthy, the bean salad and the ham were, but I did have perogies and we know how lethal they are, but soooo good). My friend and her husband are terrific hosts and make their friends feel really welcome and cared for. And she's a fabulous cook as well. I console myself with the fact that we played active charades after dinner and maybe I burned a few ounces!

There were two other couples over one who I know quite well and then a couple I had only met once before. A very interesting couple, I like them very much. Now here is a fascinating thing about them, they are hippies from “back in the day”. However, here’s the oxymoron, he's ”a Capitalist (with a capital C)”, wife's quote. Explain that to me, please. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the hippies of yore are ultra conservative, something my father and I had talked about years ago. I don’t understand how you can be anti-establishment then and now you are conservative and a capitalist. He was also against all government regulations, believing that companies can regulate themselves. Yeah right, we saw how well the U.S. banks did (are you still on your chair?). Hmmm. I could see everyone got uncomfortable when he and I got to arguing (in a polite way) and so I said to him, “I think we better stop but not because I can’t take the challenge. We’ll call it a draw for tonight, but I don’t want to disturb anyone else.” I think my friends thought I was defenceless! I actually enjoy “discussing” politics with people who know a something about the topic.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t a hippy, I didn’t think about being anti-establishment or going against the norm. But I did hold strong beliefs that weren’t generally accepted back then. I was pro-choice, I was against the war in Vietnam, I was a feminist and basically a socialist that believed taxes should be spent appropriately for the common good. I haven’t changed, I am pro-choice, I am against the war in Afghanistan, I am a feminist and I am a socialist who believes the few should support the many with our taxes. What I mean by that is, true socialism as evidenced in Scandinavia works. I do not have a problem paying my 34% of taxes now if it would go where it ought to go. To infrastructure across the country (did you know that Alberta, the richest province, has the most gravel roads in Canada?); to education (did you know school boards cut art funding so a few elite athletes can play more football? Football for heavens’ sakes, are you kidding me?); to health care (don’t even get me started on this one, we know our system is in the toilet). Last but not least, to seniors. Our provincial finance ministers were meeting this past week to discuss the Canada pension plan, but before they even met they announced there would be no significant changes. But hey, let’s meet anyway and spend ten million dollars in taxpayer money to enjoy Kananaskis country because that makes so much sense.

What I don’t understand is why Canadians sit back and listen to this hooey as placid as a cow chewing cud. Every other nation in the world has their moments of protesting. Look at France and Greece rioting over the suggestion of cutting back their retirement age from 60 to 62. No way do they want that to happen. They’ve invested in the fund for years under the premise of being able to retire at 60, why make them wait another two years? If it happened in Canada we would shrug our shoulders and let it happen. Don’t Canadians understand that we have the right to protest, and the best way is to sweep the board at election time and put in someone new who will give us what we want and need.

The scary part for me is that most Canadians don’t want the same thing as I do. I want to see every Canadian have a decent standard of living. I think that those of us who are more fortunate should not begrudge our taxes going to support those less fortunate. The curious thing is that there are more churches in North America than anywhere else in the world and yet North America does not support the golden rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Charity begins at home, people. Think about that during this holy week.

Wow, that was a rant I didn’t start out to write about, but that’s how I’m feeling at the moment so I will let it stand.

Boxing Day (Day 6) - food for thought

Results upward blip (1 lb) but I have been on my bike and shall take a long walk today.

Now, for some food for thought. I was checking out my statistics and if I am reading them correctly (a bit dubious) my biggest hits came on the night I wrote about the finals on Dancing With the Stars. So my question is, was the mention of Jennifer Grey the attraction, or was it Bristol Palin’s name, or was it DWTS that brought me the hits? Or, could it have been the exciting intro “tension mounts”? I purposely have dropped these names to see if celebrity is what brings attention, though I know I have faithful friends who read my tiny little mind every day!

I am realistic enough to know the answer. The world has an almost mystifying fascination with celebrity. The rag mags (and some not, supposedly, rag mags) write about what the stars eat for breakfast. Who cares? I would rather not know, especially all the negative behaviors. I don’t care if Gayle King slept with a flight attendant. Please, leave her some dignity. Is Oprah on prescription drugs? Who cares? And shall we talk about Lindsey Lohan? I’d rather not.

The curious thing is that the worst behaviors get the most attention. I can assure you that I don’t buy the magazines but when you stand at the cash register and wait (forever) in line, naturally you look at the covers. That’s how I know about the above stuff. But I would much rather not. I would much rather see a headline about who won the Nobel Peace prize, but you never see that as a screaming headline. That is a secondary or even third rated story on the fifth page of a main newspaper. Did it even get awarded this year? Lio Xiaobo for his long non-violent struggle for human rights in China. Like that name just tripped off my tongue (or yours). This man has championed for a billion people but we don’t know his name. Why is that? Don’t say because we are ignorant. We know Paris Hilton’s name because it is in the blooming paper every day, every paper, and what on earth has she done for the planet? Snorted cocaine? Really, journalists, get a grip on the real stories. I don’t care about these so-called celebrities. I want real news, real up beat caring stories and I want to hear about them more than once. Let them be uplifting and readable and let’s know the names of the real heros.

Now I will get off the soap box and brave the madness of Boxing Day Sales.

Christmas Day - Merry Christmas

I’m up later than usual and I miss my rice pudding breakfast. Mother asked me if she couldn’t bring it to my house in the morning when they will be coming for lunch. We are going to have traditional Danish open face sandwiches, lots of fish. I will probably make a hot dish (crostaire, puff pastry with chicken and peas and carrots in a sort of stew).

Last night we had a cosy dinner of duck, red cabbage, potatoes and excellent gravy, and some carrots. We tried to have a long and lingering supper and did break our record of 5 minutes. We went to 20 which was pretty grand for us. Mom and I did dishes and I have no idea what Erik and John did, I think they just sat around and played the role of useless male to perfection. Erik and I played the Guessing Game before supper and afterwards we just chatted about stuff and til we were rested up enough to go for coffee. Still held off the dessert until after we opened up the presents. I think all three were shocked by my gifts, but in a good way. John got a Kindle and Mom and Erik got Fuji digital cameras. I was happy to see them happy. I got spoiled too.

Earlier in the day I had made a trip in to High River to do some banking and as the credit union wasn’t opened right away I stopped in at my favorite place. Art Effects. It’s dangerous to go in there but yesterday was even more so. 40% off everything in the store. I was hoping to get this picture I had been coveting all year but it wasn’t there. I looked and looked and couldn’t see it. Then I looked at another one which I really liked, it was a little girl with a reindeer and looked very Scandinavian. I was on the brink of taking it when I looked up towards the ceiling and shouted out “there it is”. MJ laughed because she had looked for it the minute she saw me walk in the door and also hadn’t been able to find it. She knew what I came for! It’s a picture of 3 aboriginal women and the last one has on a traditional bay striped blanket coat. It’s framed exactly like the one I had made up (copying this picture) of my Mexican parchment. Since I’ve been dissatisfied with my hanging of this picture I have wanted the aboriginal one to balance the wall. That’s what Erik and I will be doing this morning, little though he knows it.

While there I also found 2 gorgeous Thomas Kinkade Christmas pictures so I got those as well. While MJ’s husband Barry was framing them for me I called Charlotte to make sure she was home and told her I would stop by with some Timmies a little later in the morning. We had such a cosy coffee timeout that she wouldn’t let me go so I ended up being quite late to Mom’s. She was really happy for the picture which went perfectly with her burgundy Christmas décor.

This morning I did the traditional Sanne thing, I opened up all my presents from my Canadian friends. This way I get two Christmases and get to experience both ways of having Christmas. I’ve been doing this since I moved into this house. Each year I am richer on Christmas Day than Christmas Eve which kind of makes it fun.

To all my dear friends, family, colleagues and followers – may you have a very Merry Christmas. Please be safe and smart. Don’t drink and drive. Remember, it can happen to anyone. Be safe!

p.s. Down another 0.6 - I am amazed. Just following the messages from my tummy and my brain - "no more".

Christmas Eve - Part Four

P.S. To part one - it was an owl.

Christmas Eve - Part Three

‘Twas the night before Christmas . . . well, it’s morning still . . . all the anticipation of a lovely day with my family, though shrunken in size this year the spirit is still the same for me. I love going out to see my mother, helping her set the table which says I do so much better than her. Nibbling on the rice pudding to make sure it is just right. Watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” with John and smiling when the bell rings; I remember when John first told me he had seen a movie with Clarence and how the angel gets their wings. That was the first time I saw the chink in John’s armor, Mr. Macho Man with a sentimental streak! Then we have some skirmishes as the livers come out – we both like them and there isn’t very much but that is part of the afternoon snacking. [good lord, I forgot how to spell “skirmish” I was spelling it “squirmish” - I must worry about this brain of mine but I’ll leave it for another day] Finally the ducks come out and we are done in about 5 minutes. We Abildgaards are good trenchermen.

I’ve got no idea how we are going to handle the evening after that. It won’t take long to open presents and with only 4 of us and 2 protesting about the dancing even when we are more there will be no dancing around the Christmas tree. Will there be caroling? I don’t know. None of us will be on Canadian Idol any time soon. Singing is not a national trait. The song writing doesn’t leave much to be desired either. “Don’t touch my raisin” are some of the words to a song that I wish my mother would totally forget. As it is she can sing part of it while we try to hold back our groans (not very graciously I might add) and we painfully listen as she tries to remember the words. I have absolutely no idea what the song is really about but we have to sing it (sort of) at Christmas time. She keeps asking me if I have seen her Danish records and I told her I broke them many years ago. I will never let her have them again after we were tortured for over an hour about 10 years ago with these records. If I had known what my aunt had sent her I never would have delivered the parcel. Danes cannot sing, they cannot write songs and they have no sense of doing the wrong thing when the begin cauterwauling. They should stick to drinking ale.

That was a little sidebar on what is basically a lovely day for me.

Christmas Eve Part Two (day 4)

Miracle number 5 – down another 0.8 – that makes 2 lbs in 4 days! And I had a Danish for snack, a magnificent pasta for lunch with my FF gals and a glass of wine and nachos (about 5) when I had after hours drinks with some colleagues. And a Lindt chocolate on the bus. Just a fish stick for supper and a couple of cookies.

Gal pals, I am off to buy a Super 7 lottery ticket – you know how I feel the odds are too horrible for that lottery but hey, this is the season of miracles!

Christmas Eve - Part One

I have a part two but as it is only 6:30 a.m AN EVENT occurred, I must write about that as opposed to my musings. I woke up at 4:00 and the computer light from the office was not disturbing me so I thought the power was off. Sure enough. Bumped into everything imaginable on my way to the living room but I made it in one piece. Lights were on in town. Joy. Now I stumbled to the back hall to check out the bête noir’s house – no lights there. Time to do my duty. I called the electric company. Wouldn't you know it I called the wrong company but fortunately they had the correct number on their message. Called Fortis and got a human almost instantly. First miracle of Christmas Eve!

The lovely lady said I was the first caller and she would put the call in. She thought I should have power within 2 hours. One hour and 55 minutes later it was back on. Miracle number 2 – fulfilling a promise. Miracle number 3 happened actually before number 2 as I was talking to Mom before the lights went on. I had to call her to make sure that they had power because it would destroy my day if I didn’t have our traditional risengroe (totally spelled wrong) and our ducks and then our rice pudding. Fortunately they had power but poor mama was ailing. She had a heat pad on her arm as it was paining her. I will be dashing (well more like lumbering) out to her to help with everything.

So after chatting with her I went out to get my first cup of coffee for the day and I noticed lights flashing on the street outside my house. The electric men were still out there. I thought the seasonal thing to do was to invite them in for a cup of coffee which meant postponing my own coffee while I tried to make my Einstein hair flat, pulled on clothes, put last night’s dishes in the sink, washed off the counter, swept the floor and then tried to be cheerful and not exhausted as I tripped through the snow in my slippers to invite them in. Miracle number 4 – they turned me down.

Yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause. J

Day Three - minus 0.2 pounds

Early morning, breakfast eaten, on the scale, still downward though slight. I am happy.

I had a lovely meal yesterday at the Chicago Chop House, deep fried jumbo shrimp (2) as an appetizer. Then 4 little lamb chops with baby roasted potatoes, and my first ever crème brulee (delicious). Not huge but definitely a rich lunch. Two days before Christmas Eve and the traffic was unreal as it took us 40 minutes just to get out of the downtown core. Naturally I was exhausted when I got home. I crawled into bed at 7:10 with 2 baby belles and a half glass of sherry and a couple of breadsticks for supper.

Happily, I did 40 leg kicks yesterday and once this blog is done I will do some more today. I went around yesterday thinking about Richard for a good chunk of it (yes my friends, I really did).

Then I got distracted by something quite exciting. I happened to go down the elevator with a gentleman from my work and we were chatting away about his script writing as his hobby. I confessed that I was a closet writer also and currently writing a blog. He absolutely startled me by asking me if I would consider being profiled in our company web site. (Up to now only the President and VP's have been profiled) He could see I was surprised and hesitant so he asked me to think about it over the holidays and he would ask again in the new year. Should I do it? What if they name the blog and my boss reads my scattered, weird and disconnected thoughts?

Alright, I can already hear Gillian say that he probably already recognizes those traits in me. I hear you, missy. But tell me truly, should I be interviewed? What would Richard say? Oh yes, that’s right “let it all hang out.”

So that was my day yesterday. Another lunch before the big Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow night and then the trump must blast in earnest. (what does that mean? Me and my clichés)

And people, be safe and careful. Don’t drink and drive. Please be safe and smart.

Richard Simmons & Kicking Up Some Fun

Just a little aside today. The picture I posted of my sisters and I yesterday now links with Richard Simmons' site when you click on it. It was serendipitous that his blog today is about leg-lifts as I had no idea when I posted the picture.

Status - Day Two Excavating My Authentic Self

I couldn’t help toying with everyone yesterday. The result - 1.4 lbs

My feelings on this event? Incredulous! Disbelief! Did I read something incorrectly yesterday? Happy though. Knowing it’s do-able with just a little effort.

Riding into town on the bus yesterday I found “self-talk” going around and around in my head and most of it was extremely negative. My girlfriend’s email to me did shake some sense into me, at least for the rest of that day. But here it is, first thing in the morning and I am ready to go into the negative talk about a negative body image. Yes, I must lose weight, for health reasons, not because I want to be knock ‘em dead gorgeous (well, maybe just a little). As I said a while back, I’ve had my day in the sun. But the truth is that I want to live to a ripe old age and carrying around extra weight is not the road to old age.

So here it is. Oprah is not the role model we want to emulate in this arena. The person we should be applauding is Richard Simmons. Does that surprise you? But it’s true. He is a true success story on how to keep weight off. How long has he been doing this – gosh, it must be decades now. I remember him when I was a young woman. I was going to write a ton about him but as my server is super slow, suffice to say he is only 5 years older than I and has kept his weight off for over 30 years. Talk about a success story. Can we do it, can I do it? I must, I will, I will self-talk my way to healthy habits . Richard Simmons Official Site and Clubhouse: Weight Loss and Fitness Tools and Motivation

Lest you think I am some humungous slug. I am not. I am about 30 pounds over my ideal weight, for my age. But every year I seem to put on an additional 3 or 4 pounds and it is harder and harder to get those 3 or 4 pounds off, hence we are now up to 30 pounds. Ten years of 3 pounds. Ladies crossing the threshold of 40 – beware. Those under 40, start healthy habits NOW. It only gets harder.

This is not about self loathing. It is not about being a model. It is simply trying to meet the challenge of staying health and reaching my goal of longevity. (to be discussed at a later time).

I will be happy whilst doing this – not to alarm anyone into going over the top.

Let’s still enjoy our holiday season!

And a tip from Richard today:

To do leg-lifts, you simply stand up and lift your leg parallel to the ground. And when you lift your leg, remember, you're lifting the largest muscle in your body. When you add hand movements to your leg-lifts, your body is working even harder because you're using your upper and lower body at the same time. So now you're burning more calories.

Day One

So, the question is, how did I fair the first day? I managed to fast until 10:00 when I had a banana. Not bad, healthy snack. Then at 10:30 a lovely gentleman from my floor came to give me a Christmas gift before heading off for the holidays. What should it be but my favorite chocolate bar – a mini Toblerone. Oh dear, could I withstand temptation? Well, I lasted until 3:00 when I had half of it with my afternoon glass of water (notice I managed to avoid caffeine?).

A dear friend sent me an email that was very encouraging as well. She told me how wonderful I was despite my pudginess. What are a few pounds here and there, she said? We have to live. I felt very happy that she thought so well of me but I have to set an example to all womanhood. I can persevere. So I must get on that wicked scale and take a peak. Bear with me while I check it out . . . .

Suspense . . . . !

Stupidity vs Angst

I did the unforgiveable. You know what I am talking about. It’s the time of year when the scale is a girl’s worst enemy. That’s right. I just got on the scale and now I feel crappy and it isn’t even 5:00 a.m. How am I going to face the day?

This is where PEP talk comes in. I have to remind myself that I can fast for 48 hours because I did it successfully, with no pain whatsoever, last January when I prepared for my colonoscopy. What I did once I can do again (and again, and again . . . ) The difference being that then it was demanded of me and now I am being whoosie.

To every woman who has ever been on a diet (and who hasn’t?) we need to find the formula that will scare us out of our whoosie-ness. What is it in our brains that allows us to ignore truly scary statistics that say a percentage of women will have a heart attack before she is 50? And other stuff like that which I confess I tune out most of the time. Part of my particular problem is that I was always naturally slim and I simply haven’t accepted the fact that I have become a whale. I still think of myself as a minnow. That is, I have been thinking of myself as a minnow until I felt my thighs this morning. They have fallen down to my knees.

OMG, have you ever heard of thighs that low? Neither had I. I started pressing around and investigating and feeling quite ill about it. I hadn’t had my first sip of coffee yet and hoped that I was still dreaming. Sadly, I wasn’t. After a whole cup of coffee I ventured to feel them again and groaned so loudly Thumper ran under the bed and hasn’t been seen since.

Why am I doing this to myself before 5:00 in the morning? Don’t ask me. I must be a sucker for punishment. Obviously. How many people get up at 3:45 a.m. to go to work?

I wrote in my gratitude journal this morning that I was grateful that I had determination. That is what psychologists call self-talk. Will it work?

It’s December 21^st. Shall I give myself 10 days to see if this self-talk will get me below my fighting weight (that being my weight 2 weeks ago --- come on, be fair! A girl has to have some wiggle room!) That’s 6 lbs. Can I go down 6 lbs in 10 days given the fact that I have 2 more lunchs, Christmas dinner and one invitation out? Can I do it? Louder, Can I do it? Yes, Yes, Yes.

Chilly Nights

I took to heart what I wrote yesterday and had lunch with some delightful new, young colleagues today. It was to show them appreciation for going out of their way to provide extra service to members of my team. I took a leaf out of a former colleague’s book and did the roundtable question of asking them about their career up to now and where they wanted to go. What interesting answers, and what interesting histories they all had. It was a pleasant lunch and I am glad I learned more about my fellow colleagues.

Then came the homeward trek and all my pleasure was destroyed by a freezing cold bus and slow traffic. Oiy, but it is not going to be easy to overcome the dread of these slow and painful commutes, no matter how positive the rest of the day has been. The upside was that my brother had made a nice steak and potatoes for me when I got home. But once again I was on the coach (well, it was the chair, but . . . ) and we were watching “The Negotiator” with Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey. It is such a good movie and I had to tear myself away to write something for the blog.

So the upbeat message for tonight is this, do your best and when the going gets tough, hope that you have a good meal waiting at the end of the ordeal. Hoping is good. Sometimes it actually comes to pass!

Count Down - 32 More Sleeps

A month before the big flight south to warmer climes, jungles, beaches, canoe trips and sleeping in. No more bus rides (well, maybe that is being a bit optimistic), no more limping to catch the C-train, no more office gossip. And you were thinking I led a boring life!

In fact it is a bit of a wakeup call to realize that the things I am flying away from are what I experience five days a week. It isn’t that I hate my job or dislike my colleagues, in fact quite the reverse. But oh how much I hate my commute. I am in a quandary. I love my home and would really hate living in the city. I love my job and enjoy my colleagues. I remember years ago when I still lived in Calgary I used to wish I was Samantha and could just twitch my nose and get me from downtown to my home. And that was only a 45 minute bus rider (still rather long in those days when the average person took less than 30 minutes). It really is a bad thing to feel that you are punching time for most of your days. A person ought to be living and enjoying every second, yes every second, of their day. Because this is your life, this is your one and only life. There are no do-overs, don’t think it.

So perhaps I shouldn’t be saying “32 more sleeps”. Perhaps I ought to be saying, “Wow, another day to see Palo, Cristy, Jane, Carolyn, Debbie, Wendy,. . .” And on the bus ride home I should not be doing that dismal self-talk “I am so tired, I cannot possibly go on the treadmill tonight” and then sit in front of the television and watch ghastly, wasteful programs. What is wrong with me? Where is the “added value”, the enrichment, the purpose?

Shame on me. Wake up and smell the tequila! What is Robaxicet for anyway?

Book Club

Being part of an original book club is one of the funnest things I have ever done. That probably sounds weird and tame but I truly enjoy our once a month gathering. We get to the hostess’ home with our share of the feast and settle down for a nice chat and coffee and goodies before we tackle the book of the month. In the nearly 8 years of our existence we have had some wonderful talks about the books we chose (occasionally) but we have always had great social talks about our lives, our jobs, our families and the world at large.

There is something very satisfying in listening to other women’s opinion on things and then mulling them over and trying to get your own best take on the subject at hand. But in addition to that there is a really good feeling of just bonding with other women, sharing their joys, concerns and other interests that is a part of every true woman. For woman is a social creature, a nurturer and an earth mother and we thrive particularly with a group of other women. There is so much more scope within the circle of women than with children, husbands and other creatures because essentially we all operate on the same battery. We get it that we cannot actually fix each other’s problems, we are there to listen, throw out ideas and pray that our friend comes up with the right solution. Men don’t really get that part of the story, we don’t want you to fix it, just listen to us and then let it be.

About our actual books, we have gone through a gammet. Our original idea was to have certain categories, a mystery, a foreign book, a Canadian book (God help us), a non-fiction, a classic and then some free for alls. Generally we have hit that goal every year but some of my all time favorite discussions have come out of some unusual books. “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”, “Tortilla Flat” and “The Red Tent” were great discussions despite the fact that no one in the group but myself liked Tortilla Flat. More recently we had a terrific discussion out of “I Am Hutterite”. And with these great discussions I have learned so much about my friends and appreciate their diversity even when I disagree with them.

Now if I could only get them to dance.

A Salute to Friendship

Once again I remind you that I am 57 years old and thus feel that I have gained some wisdom over my years. One of the most profound lessons of my life was hearing my mother say how glad she was to have such a wonderful band of children at the passing of our father. If she hadn’t had six children she would be terribly alone because, with all our moving, and her very reserved nature, she was friendless in this particular town we live in. At the time I was becoming friendly with a couple of colleagues at my new job but though it wasn’t a truly conscious effort I did determined that I needed to build a circle of friends.

A couple of years later, inspired by my sister, I decided to start my own book club and it was one of the best things I ever did. I magically gained a group of girlfriends that I treasure. Even though we usually only meet once a month I find these women grounding and supportive. Currently we are all still leading very busy lives with work and family responsibilities but I know that as we approach our golden years our friendship will become stronger and more meaningful.

At the same time my career took a new twist and I departed my law firm to go back into oil and gas. But I had made some great friends at the firm and as one of the ladies’ husband was a wine maker I already had a growing friendship there. My FF girlfriends are so tight we even go on an annual girlfriends’ weekend into B.C. It’s a time I look forward to each spring and I just get a warm and fuzzy feeling thinking about it. ( I'm realizing there are puns galore here. LOL)

Where I am working now I must admit that the first three years I was buddies with my engineering friends and as the only woman on the team I was tremendously spoiled. Now that I am back in the home office with a new assignment I have discovered a group of ladies that I really appreciated. I can already tell that I am going to have another circle of friends with this group of colleagues and I look forward to it with real pleasure. One of the ladies has already done me the honour of asking me to join her on a trip to NYC (a story I have yet to tell!). We bonded so well that I just ask myself why did it take so long to discover this treasure? And just recently I discovered two charming ladies on the 22^nd floor who are so warm hearted and wonderful I look forward to knowing them better.

Lastly, fifteen years ago I began the initiative of getting together my 25^th high school reunion. Out of that I rediscovered old girlfriends and found friendship with former classmates that seem to grow more dear to me with every passing year. Golly, I am sounding a bit too sentimental but believe me I cherish these friends with all my heart.

My advice to all the ladies out there is to stop and think about what people surround you and with a little effort you too can have a circle of friends that can be there for you in your golden years. As you know, once you finish high school the years pass by with increasing rapidity until you turn around and say “Hey, what happened? It’s almost 2011.” Forty years have gone by since my high school graduation. It has truly flown by in the blink of an eye. But with that blink, wisdom has miraculously developed!

Make friends, keep friends, treasure them and feel blessed.