Stupidity vs Angst

I did the unforgiveable. You know what I am talking about. It’s the time of year when the scale is a girl’s worst enemy. That’s right. I just got on the scale and now I feel crappy and it isn’t even 5:00 a.m. How am I going to face the day?

This is where PEP talk comes in. I have to remind myself that I can fast for 48 hours because I did it successfully, with no pain whatsoever, last January when I prepared for my colonoscopy. What I did once I can do again (and again, and again . . . ) The difference being that then it was demanded of me and now I am being whoosie.

To every woman who has ever been on a diet (and who hasn’t?) we need to find the formula that will scare us out of our whoosie-ness. What is it in our brains that allows us to ignore truly scary statistics that say a percentage of women will have a heart attack before she is 50? And other stuff like that which I confess I tune out most of the time. Part of my particular problem is that I was always naturally slim and I simply haven’t accepted the fact that I have become a whale. I still think of myself as a minnow. That is, I have been thinking of myself as a minnow until I felt my thighs this morning. They have fallen down to my knees.

OMG, have you ever heard of thighs that low? Neither had I. I started pressing around and investigating and feeling quite ill about it. I hadn’t had my first sip of coffee yet and hoped that I was still dreaming. Sadly, I wasn’t. After a whole cup of coffee I ventured to feel them again and groaned so loudly Thumper ran under the bed and hasn’t been seen since.

Why am I doing this to myself before 5:00 in the morning? Don’t ask me. I must be a sucker for punishment. Obviously. How many people get up at 3:45 a.m. to go to work?

I wrote in my gratitude journal this morning that I was grateful that I had determination. That is what psychologists call self-talk. Will it work?

It’s December 21^st. Shall I give myself 10 days to see if this self-talk will get me below my fighting weight (that being my weight 2 weeks ago --- come on, be fair! A girl has to have some wiggle room!) That’s 6 lbs. Can I go down 6 lbs in 10 days given the fact that I have 2 more lunchs, Christmas dinner and one invitation out? Can I do it? Louder, Can I do it? Yes, Yes, Yes.