Cellphones

You are all cringing, I know, since you know I have a pathological hatred for these tools of torture.  However, I am here today to talk about them in a civilized way (at least I hope so, one never knows how I will end up on a subject).

       I’ve been watching people show off their iPhones and iPads and SmartPhones and I realized how very ignorant I am about how they work.  For instance, how do they create an App (technologically speaking, not adding one to your phone – although I wouldn’t have a clue how to do that I suspect it is quite simple to do)?  So as I was observing one desperate cellphoner in the elevator the other day I thought that I really should at least get into the 21^st century and learn how to use these phones.  What if someone had a heart attack in the elevator because they couldn’t reach their 125^th best friend and I had to call 911 on their iPhone.   Don’t get all technical on me about using the elevator phone – you get my point.  In a desperate situation I wouldn’t know how to operate the phone. 

       The other day my boss asked me to get her phone looked at by our IT people so I carried it upstairs but for the first time I actually took a look at it.  Gee, the little buttons with the alpha and numbers squeezed on there, I don’t think my big fingers could operate this sucker.  Amazing that men are tweeting along on their itsy bitsy little keyboard of a phone.  Remember when big was better (reference Tim Horton’s coffee not the other thing)?

       The thing is, despite my irritation with the abuse of these phones, I think that I owe it to myself to at least learn the technology.  I don’t want to be an old fuddy duddy like those old fellows on the TD Bank commercials.  But then, doesn’t that mean a commitment to a Plan?  I can’t see myself supporting Rogers or Verizon at $100 a month to carry around a nemesis.  No, I think I am just going to have to look from afar and hope I can still get a regular phone when I am 90 years old. 

       But by then I might be deaf and phones will be of even less value to me than they are today.